[velvet]

Hello Paul and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hello Fortune and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Wonderful post P

Well done

Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Sad and Hurt
As Charles has said there is a lot of support for you on this site but it isn’t right for me to reply on the thread of another member. Please take his advice and scroll to the bottom of the forum, click on ‘New Topic’ and either write your post again or copy and paste the one you have already written, scroll down to ‘save’ and your thread will be up and running.
I would be delighted to support you and answer your questions.
I hope to hear from you again soon
Velvet

[velvet]

Dear Jenny
Never forget that you are a fantastic mum and role model for your children. Every post you have ever written has come across as being from a woman of strength and determination; your attempts to stand by your CG have been more than he deserved but now the gloves are off and I believe you will fight this final battle with courage.
I was divorced many years ago and it was scary, I was afraid about the lies that would be told and indeed were told; I was afraid for my 3 small children and it felt as though I didn’t have a voice big enough to be heard. I fought for my children with a strength I didn’t know I possessed and I was heard and so were my children. ‘Your’ children have a right to be protected Jenny, use the posts you have written here to act as a record of events.
If you are not happy with you lawyer then change him/her, don’t be bamboozled by anybody. Recommendations are always good at times like this.
I am so pleased to read that you have a lot of amazing support – that is worth its weight in gold – use it. Keep talking and sharing with friends and family and of course this forum. Perhaps you could pop back into a group – it’s on Thursdays now.
Have you contacted a Woman’s aid group, they would probably be able to give you the name of a solicitor who deals with cases such as this?
My battle was over many years ago now and it is only a hazy memory. I have never let it define my life or make me bitter and I feel certain you won’t either.
My thoughts are with you and that is not idle words.
V

[velvet]

Hi Aidan
What are your doubts about going into the rehab?
If you don’t take this offer because of the reasons you have given it appears that you have not accepted the strength of your addiction.
Your parents are not a reason for you go into GMA; the reason should only be because your want to control your addiction but it would be strange if they were not steeling themselves ready for the next slip when you appear to be in denial of your addiction – they care about you and they don’t know what to do about your behaviour which you admit has deteriorated over the years. They don’t have a crystal ball, they don’t know when a true recovery might start.
I promise you that you will never disappoint your parents if you control your addiction.
Maybe you could contact the GT Helpline regarding staying in over Christmas – I can assure you that nobody actually wants you to do so including the staff who want their Christmas too. ‘If’ however and I really mean ‘if’, staying in over Christmas meant that you controlled an addiction that would take you to depths you cannot imagine if you don’t control it then what is more important – a lifetime free of struggle or a few days of Christmas cheer.
If you have your date, then maybe you should discuss your concerns with GMA who might agree with you that you are not ready – but from all you have said I think that you have just got cold feet which is completely normal.
Being accepted in the future would depend on GMA but of course with so many people wanting this opportunity there can’t be a guarantee.
Keep posting
Velvet

[velvet]

Hello Monica and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi Lily

That sounds really awful – how much notice has he given?

I will tell you next Thursday why I didn’t make the group, first time in years – I even do it when I go on Holiday!! I am fine and really sorry to have missed.
Keep posting and we will talk next Thursday
V

[velvet]

Hi CB
The subject of enablement has a few grey areas so I am hoping you can tell me a little more about this gas situation.
Does he give you money when he is paid to cover his expenses or does he believe that what is his is his and when he no longer has any money you are the money tree he turns to cover the hole in his finances?
Does he he earn enough to pay for his gas to and from his place of work, his food, the roof over his head, etc. if he doesn’t gamble?
If he is gambling the money he requires to commute to work and then you pay for his gas then I would say that is enablement. If he is unable to meet his gas bill for one month because he has other household expenditure and you can see that he is genuinely getting in a fix then I believe that going with him to the gas station and actually paying for the gas without giving him any cash is not enablement.
I know that CGs survive well even when they say they are going to lose their jobs etc because they can’t get to work and it is all your fault regardless of the fact that they have actually gambled the money away. This is the difficult time and I fully appreciate how hard this is for you but figuring it out for himself is the best thing he can do.
I certainly couldn’t and wouldn’t judge you for ‘lending’ your husband 20 for gas following persistent badgering, one would have to be a saint to hold out against some of the emotional blackmail one can feel. Maybe you could ask him for the receipt for the gas so that you didn’t have the worry that money is being wasted when you can’t afford it. A CG going into rehab has to produce receipts as part of learning to handle money and to show willingness to wanting to control their addiction.
Hope all this makes sense
Speak soon
Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Aidan
The support of your family is fantastic – if they are prepared to listen then please try and tell them how you feel because they cannot understand without being given information. It is easy to get uptight with families but if you have listening ears then use them calmly.
Your family are more than welcome to use the F&F forum on this site and/or the F&F group on Thursdays between 20.00-2100 hours UK time (8-9pm). The privacy of the group is often preferable to families and we do have mothers popping in most weeks.
I am sure that if your friends are good friends they will applaud what you are doing, the addiction to gamble is very secretive and so most people are unaware that such a problem exists – I enabled my CG for 25 years because I didn’t understand what was wrong. I talk about it now and it is amazing who is prepared to show an interest and even some who know someone they are worried about. Purely by accident I have helped friends who were not seeking help because they didn’t know what help they needed.
I am glad you are using the waiting time usefully – starting the project with some gamble-free time behind you does help. If you struggle at all though between now and when you go in don’t worry because that is quite usual.
I’m not sure how you cover up the hole with your job and I cannot tell you what to do because lying is not conducive to recovery – maybe you should take the bull by the horns but as I say I cannot tell you what to do.
Keep posting
Velvet

[velvet]

Hi CB
I agree whole-heartedly with Vera. My experience was that when I had no more money to give my CG he gave up seeking enablement from me. I finally impressed on him that there really was no more and sadly for me at that time it was absolutely true.
I think that not having the money to give does help F&F to say the magic ‘no’. If there is money that could be available, however, then saying ‘no’ is still valid because having money to live on is not (for F&F anyway) the same as having money to throw away. It is of course important to stick to your guns having said no.
No questions are silly CB – if we don’t ask we don’t learn so anything you want to know just fire away.
Velvet

[velvet]

H Lily
I was on this site for 2 years before I read anything in ‘My Journal’. I was in Gam-Anon for over a year before I would venture with the others into a joint meeting with GA. I was always afraid of what I might hear. I took a course in addiction counselling before I felt ready to understand whatever was said (and why) on both sides of the coin.
It is always hard to put over that reading the words of a loved one in another forum could be damaging to one’s recovery but F&F and CG will not seek and find recovery in the same way. I think it is what the expression ‘eavesdroppers never hear good about themselves’ is all about. I will be forever glad that I didn’t know what my CG said about me when he went on the GMA programme and his addiction was not under control – I would probably have launched a full scale justification of ‘me’ wrecking what turned out to be 2 long term, happy, healthy, recoverees.
I am delighted that you are going to carry on giving and getting support and I think you are right to keep to the F&F forum where ‘you’ are understood.
V

[velvet]

Hi Aidan
I always get a kick out of reading that someone in this forum has been accepted on the GMA programme because I know how inspirational and life changing it can be if you want it enough.
The line that jumped out at me from your post was that you were giving up your life, your job and your friends for 3 months.
11 years ago the CG in my life went on the programme, when it was a 9 month project, I thought of all the things he would miss and expected him to drop out very quickly – how wrong I was. 9 months out of his life was a drop in the ocean compared to his life since.
You have the chance to gain a gamble-free life, where your real friends will gain someone they can trust, where a job can be for earning money to enjoy, rather than throwing it into a lifeless machine that doesn’t care for you one iota.
You are not giving up your life for 3 months Aidan – this is ‘your’ opportunity to gain a better, healthier life that ‘you’ control – embrace it.
Velvet
You may never know what results come from you actions but if you do nothing there will be no results – Mahatma Gandi

[velvet]

Hello Aidan and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hello Bigguy and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Author]

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