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I find your words ‘I used Uber to get her a ride from the ferry to the casino, where she’d be ok until I got there’ frankly incredible.
Your gf will not be alright in a casino waiting for you and if you still think that after all the support you have had then I am extremely concerned for her.
I too saw Nguyen posting and I am sorry she has stopped because she needs support and I suspect protection from a person who professes to be healthy and full-functioning but in reality is using a vulnerability girl for his own ends. I cannot imagine how good this feels for you and nor do I want to do so. I am not a CG but i too can make guess at how Nguyen feels and it isn’t pleasant.Hello Dabbers and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Dear Frankie
He made the contact without you and he is the one who needs to take care of his own move towards his recovery. Patience is not easy I know and waiting for something to happen is difficult but he made the contact without telling you for a reason, possibly not a reason that you understand but in his mind there was a reason. I will never know why on a certain day at a certain time my CG decided he had had enough of the way he was living and applied to GMA – it wasn’t because of 25 years of me talking/yelling/pleading/crying/forgiving/threatening that make him come to his decision.
A non-argumentative atmosphere is the best but not talking ‘at’ a CG is also brilliant – they have to want to change for themselves not because somebody else is demanding or forcing them to act. Demanding and/or forcing will not get the desired result. I remember one night in Gam-Anon where a mother and daughter deposited their husband/father in the Gamblers Anonymous room and then they came in to the Gam-Anon group. I think everybody present realised that the husband/father would not be back and sadly it was so. The non-argumentative atmosphere shows the CG the way it could be all the time if he changes which is much better than all the talking
When the future seems hard and unclear the only thing to do is to make sure that just for today you live for yourself and enjoy the things that give you pleasure, such as your child, or a walk or a chat to a friend. You are supporting him in the right way but allow him to follow through with the thoughts he seems to be having and give him an extra cuddle when you are pleased with what you hear.
Keep posting
VelvetHi Frankie
The fact that your bf has contacted Gordon Moody is enough for you to know he wants to change his life.
There is little point in asking an active CG questions because you could not trust the answer to be true – it is only actions that show progress and your bf has shown through action that he wants to progress.
A CG struggles with life, nobody would choose to be a CG and this confusion makes it impossible to gauge what their reactions will be to any given situation.
Your bf has made a move without telling you and that in itself tells you, I think, that (a) he wants to change and (b) if he doesn’t succeed you won’t be any the wiser – in other words he hopes he will not be made to feel he has failed again in your eyes. It is his addiction that makes him so secretive and nothing you have done.
GMA know how difficult it is for a CG to make that initial contact – they understand your bf’s addiction and the way he reacts – you will know if he gets a place without questioning him.
I also think it will become apparent whether or not he has cancelled his debit card because again he could say he has and not done it or say he hasn’t when he has done it. Yes it is fickle and hard to follow but it does seem he is showing a strong interest in recovery which is great.
Keep listening to him and keep posting your updates – you will hopefully get your answers through his actions.
VelvetHello John and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hiya Logic
Not so much nails in the coffin but hopefully light at the end of the tunnel for both of you.
Wondering if you didn’t make it clear enough that you were going is not going to change anything so just get on now and enjoy your gamble-free world – I suspect in your new job you will hear about addiction again and this experience will be something for you to refer to but not get sucked into.
You can only live ‘your’ life Logic, you tried to save him from himself but in the end it is down to him. 150 miles sounds like a good distance, I hope he will reflect and perhaps glance again at this site. It was interesting that he only seemed to feel that it was ‘good’ that others felt like him – maybe when he looks again he will see that it isn’t good but that taking a leap of faith and controlling his addiction is very good.
Speak soon
VelvetHi Mr Exon
My CG bottled it the day I took him to the programme; he was probably more convinced that day, than any other time that he could fix it without help so I don’t find you post so much controversial as naive.
I suggest you ask yourself why you came here in the first place – and why you think you gambled to the extent that you did; your post didn’t sound , to me, like someone who was in control.
Only you can determine now what it is that you are going to do. Personally I feel the opportunity on offer is fantastic but nobody here can tell you what you should do.
VelvetWhat on earth possessed you go to a casino with her? Testing her addiction is not accepting she probably has, at the very least, a serious problem.
Hello 4Mom4 and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi Briana
I am using the thread that you opened first, as multiple threads leads to confusion and journals getting lost. I have read your other thread as well so I am hoping to cover it here.
You have certainly been given the run-around by your CG. I understand why you ignored his gambling at the beginning, most people are unaware of this addiction and your CG would have wanted to keep you unaware as his addiction thrives on secrecy for enablement.
CGs sometimes do use multiple women because that way they can get more enablement and also it can make them feel they succeed where their gambling fails them.
It would be great if you could pop into the group tonight between 8-9pm BST. I am not going to be around for a couple of days but I can hear that you need support.
Dear Briana I can’t tell you whether to let this man back in to your life or whether you should keep him out – it is a big part of ‘your’ recovery that you make your own decision.
‘You’ matter, you are a unique and special person but this relationship is taking away your self-esteem and confidence and only you can know how many times you are going to let this happen.
Telling a CG to go is the right thing to do if that is what you really want and you don’t intend to let him back into your life. If you allow him back, in my opinion, it says to him that he can treat you badly for as long as he wants to do so and you don’t deserve that.
I hope you will keep posting and that you will get more replies but I am not in a position at the moment to write on the forum as frequently as I would like.
I hope to ‘meet’ you later in the group.
Velvet
