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Hi Tina
I am sorry that your partner is giving you grief.
Of course it could be just curiosity on his part as to why he is making this contact but I would be more concerned if he disappeared for hours on end or didn’t answer his phone when he wasn’t working. You were happy a few days ago with the way things were going; do you know what made you feel the need to check up on him?
If your partner isn’t behaving as you would wish then it is very important that you look after yourself and do things that please you. Whatever you decide to do, please don’t let his seemingly inappropriate action rattle your recovery, you are worth more than that.
VelvetHi Raynor
In my opinion, when you test your addiction to gamble, you are not accepting the problem.
You seem to care for your girlfriend a lot and yet you are keeping something that threatens both your lives a secret.
I listen to Friends and Family every day and the one thing that destroys a relationship, more than any loss of money, is the secrecy. I have known other Friends and Family members who have had the addiction to gamble in their lives and yet still fallen in love and successfully supported someone else with the addiction.
Of course I hope that if you go to Vegas you will return unscathed but what a risk, only you can know if that risk is worth taking. I hope you will return to this forum when you return whatever the outcome.
VelvetHi YBR
Nope, I tried but I couldn’t see any waffle!
You have just unravelled a terrible truth but you have done the right thing in seeking support because knowledge of the addiction to gamble will give you power over it. Nobody here can tell you what to do but with understanding you will be able to make informed decisions about what it is that ‘you’ want to do.
It is important that you do not feel embarrassed or ashamed because there is nothing you could have done to prevent this happening. Your husband did not want or ask for his addiction anymore than you did. If it was, in the beginning as he suggested, a way to escape a bad personal experience, he could not have known that escaping in this way was going to lead him to something he could not control. I am concerned, however, that your husband is showing no contrition which would have been a step towards accepting he has a real problem and that he wants to do something about it.
I suggest that you download the 20-Questions from the Gamblers Anonymous site and ask him to look at them, it might be that he is unaware that his problem is recognised and that there is a lot of support available for him. I can’t tell you what to do but if it was me I would also tell him that I was seeking help – often those with a gambling addiction assume they are the only one with the problem.
Until you are sure about what it is that you want to do, I suggest you don’t threaten your husband with actions that you do not/could not/would not carry through. He has an addiction that is the master of threats and if you do not carry out your threat then his addiction will see it as a green light to carry on. In my opinion it is better to stand still for a while, making sure you look after yourself, whilst gaining the necessary knowledge to help you cope..
I have brought up my thread entitled ‘The F&F Cycle’ for you to help you to see the way the addiction works and how easy it is to get caught up in its cycle.
It would be great to ‘see’ you in an F&F group; what is said in the group never appears on the forum, it is private and safe for F&F. If there is a Gam-Anon group in your area it might well be worth going to a meeting. I believe in taking all the support you can.
Speak soon
Velvet