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Hi Rednita
Well done writing your post, the first one is never easy.
I will reply to you asap
VelvetHello Rednita
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page
Read about the friends and Family Online Groups
Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂We look forward to hearing all about you!
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi Blondie
Please start a thread of your own as there is a lot of support for you here but unfortunately it is not possible to give it on another person’s thread.
It would be great if you could pop in to the Friends and Family support group tomorrow night 22.00-23.00 hours UK time where we can ‘talk’ in real time.
VelvetHello RJ and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hello Jag and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi Lilyanna
I hope that Charles’ post to you has given you a sense of direction and also hope.
I am glad that you have managed to say that you love your son but currently you hate him because so often we don’t voice terrible thoughts because of what others might think. In this forum you are understood. I felt as you do and I struggled with such an awful thought but thankfully I came to realise that it was my CG’s addiction that I hated and to know that he hated it too.
It will not do your son any harm to know that you have reached the end of your tether, it seems to me this has been coming for a long time and I think it is fantastic that you have organised a holiday for you to look after yourself and give yourself the time that you deserve.
I am sure you have seen the penitent son before following a furious response to you trying to support him. I suspect you are now seeing through the conciliatory’ words and know just what they are – words. You are no fool, you have been used by an addiction that is manipulative and it is time to stop.
I hope you will join me in the F&F groups where we can communicate in real time and where nothing that is said appears on the forum.
In the meantime I hope you will keep posting because it is my belief that sharing your burden will help you to cope.
How long was it that your son was away when he walked out? Does he have anywhere else to live? Has he ever sought help for his addiction?
Sorry to load you with questions but it helps me to understand how to support you best.
I cannot tell you what to do but if it was me I would determine that this last bout of poor behaviour was the last I would put up with and I would tell him to seek support from GA, a site such as this or the GMA rehab which is great.
Out Helpline is here for you Lilyanna, it is anonymous and safe; it is also there for your son if he wants to extend a hand for help. If he doesn’t then, in my opinion, it would be better for you to refuse him a roof until he can appreciate you. Do you have other family to help you be strong?
Speak soon
VelvetHello Arovs and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi Alliesmum
You are definitely strong and independent enough to take those demons on by dealing with them just one day at a time. ‘If’ they dare to intrude on your peace of mind, kick them out, put the havoc behind you and enjoy today – those who love you will just want to see you happy and healthy.
You are doing well
Keep posting
VelvetHello Bm and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi Dave
It is what you do now that matters Dave and it seems to me that you are, as you say, standing at a crossroads but you are looking at the right path to take you forward.
I hope you will keep posting while you wait for your place in GMA, there are many here who are willing to support you while you wait. I wouldn’t be writing to you tonight if I didn’t know that you can change your life and I can think of no better place to learn how to make that change than in GMA.
Sometimes we have to accept that we have lost everything before we realise what really matters – take this fantastic opportunity to be the man and father that you want to be.
Use this thread as a journal until you go on the programme, a journal that you can look back on one day and see how far you have come.
Taking control of your addiction requires determination and courage but you can do it.
VelvetHello Dave and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi Monica
I am sure your programme of eat, sleep, work will settle down as you sashay gently forward into a routine – I say this even though I am a stranger to routine!
Taking in new ideas and working practices, finding out who is who and what is what and even where the loo is can tax the little grey cells when they haven’t been working at full strength for any length of time. Such cerebral activity is tiring and can be demoralising at the beginning – I remember wanting to walk away in the early days of starting a new job but as things normalised I usually found I loved what I was doing – and of course the pay packet always helped soften any misgivings.
It is nearly the weekend and you are doing well – believe in yourself and your work colleagues will believe in you too.
VelvetHi Lizbeth I think that life overwhelms us all sometimes and it is during those times that it is more important just to take one day at a time because no amount of worrying changes anything. Your slip is over and belongs in yesterday, there is nothing you can do to change it – but maybe what you can do is sit down and list the positives in your life to help you focus on what is important and also to remind yourself how well you have been doing.
Velvet
Hi SJ
I am really pleased to hear that you are progressing well – my husband recently started walking again without a boot and crutches so I know it is a long haul but it is a long haul back to health which is great.
Down times do make life harder but you are doing well – so don’t look back, just concern yourself with today and make it gamble-free.
VelvetHi Mintchip
Your boyfriend says that nobody is helping him with his addiction when he is the one who has to help himself if he wants to live gamble-free – nobody else can save him. It is my belief that he knows that his family and friends don’t know how to help him because that suits him – while everybody else worries about what to do; he isn’t worrying at all but indulging his addiction at their expense.
His addiction is not unstoppable or I wouldn’t be writing to you now. If he truly wants to stop gambling then in my opinion, confiding in his gambling friends that he is having a problem would be a good place to start. ‘If’ they are real friends then they should recognise his problem and support him. Going to GA or perhaps seeking support from organisations, such as this, would also show a desire to be gamble-free. Our Helpline, CG groups and ‘My Journal’ forum are free and anonymous and are willing to support him, so the help he says he is lacking’ ‘is’ available – he only has to want it enough.
The cycle will continue Mintchip as long as you allow yourself to be part of it. It seems to me that you have given up seeing friends and going out because of a problem that is not yours. I believe you should look after yourself, see friends, go out to eat, go to the movies and live the life you deserve. If your boyfriend can see you living a happy life then, hopefully, he is more likely to want to join you than to sit at home, lonely, because he is not prepared to make an effort to curb his addiction.
I am not, nor ever would, suggest that you leave your boyfriend, that decision will always be yours – but once we allow ourselves to become part of the problem nothing ever changes. The addiction to gamble gets worse, never better without treatment and support. Your boyfriend is stealing now from his mother so he has already crossed at least one boundary and could well adopt this as a way of life until those around him say ‘no’. I sincerely hope that his mother is protecting her finances better and is refusing to give her son any cash.
Giving cash to a CG is the same as giving a drink to an alcoholic – it triggers the addiction in the brain and keeps it flourishing. Giving cash to a CG, paying off their debts, joining them in their pursuits is called enablement.
If he wants to stop Mintchip then suggest action to seek support, words are meaningless.
I hope you will keep posting
Velvet
