Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Hi Loopy
Your son does not want to take responsibility for his gambling ‘at the moment’ and that is why he blames you, he probably blames everybody but himself.
Guilt is totally unnecessary. You are not to blame for your son’s addiction; neither you nor he asked for it or wanted it in your lives. At some point in his life he placed a bet for fun as man has been doing since time began – he couldn’t have know that, for him, this action would lead to addiction, if he had know he would never have placed that first bet.
Diamond’s post to you is great but I know how hard it is to understand what giving the right support means. I fully understand your feeling that you cannot offer anymore and believe that this is often the turning point for those who love CGs. In my opinion, support is not clearing his debts or giving him cash; support is directing him to the help ‘when he wants it’; support is being there when he is ready to change; but most of all support is looking after yourself because If you are wiped out by his behaviour it will not help you or him. Your son does not want to bring you down – but his addiction will, if you allow it.
I don’t think any parent of a CG does not become driven to distraction by thoughts of prison or death for their child when they are in the eye of the addiction storm. While I was losing sleep, as you are doing, the CG in my life told me that he would always have found a floor on which to sleep, someone to feed him and of course money to gamble. Whereas, you would stop doing something that meant you could go to prison, your son is blinkered and sees only ‘the gamble’ as being a means to an end. You cannot make him stop gambling – the choice to do so, is his.
I cannot tell you what to do Loopy, I don’t have a crystal ball – but I do know that as long as a CG has enablement, the determination to face the addiction is harder. You are doing all the worrying and your son is carrying on regardless. To stop the cycle, I believe, someone has to say ‘no’.
My favourite quote is by Mahatma Gandi ‘You may never know what results come from your actions but if you do nothing, there will be no results.
Please keep posting and hopefully I will ‘see’ you again on Tuesday evening.
VelvetHi Beckai
Square one did not have 4 weeks gamble free to look back on and say ‘I did that – I can do it again’. A failure would not be here now starting a thread. The person that you want to be is waiting to be found – she is just a little lost at the moment.
I believe you have come to a wonderful place to find yourself and I hope you will soon feel less alone.
Just for today Beckai, if you feel in danger of being distracted from your goal, come back and read your first post and believe in the person who achieved four weeks gamble free; four happy weeks made up of twent eight ‘just for todays’ when you were happy and controlling your addiction. I know you can do it; I wouldn’t be writing to you if I didn’t know it – believe in yourself. I look forward to hearing your progress.
Velvet
Hello Beckai and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi Loopy
Just a quick ‘well done’ on starting your thread. I wanted you to know that your words have been read – I will post to you asap.
VelvetHello Loopy
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page
Read about the friends and Family Online Groups
Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂We look forward to hearing all about you!
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hello Spoter and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi Loopy
Please start your own thread so that you can get the support you deserve.
VelvetHello Unlucky and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi JayKay
I believe that whatever works for a person taking control of an addiction is fine – you are definitely doing it your way, with support from your fellows on this forum and it is great to read.
What I like most is when those who are enjoying many months of gamble-free life write how little their triggers pop up – I remember when the CG in my family said that he was facing a life-time of daily committing to his recovery that I found the thought, for him, quite overwhelming. Seeing him now, many years on, with hundreds of ‘just for todays’ behind him there is no mention of gambling between us and I see a happy person living a full life.
This thread is holding up a light at the end of the tunnel – keep posting, running and cooking, it sounds great.
Velvet
Hi Laura
It is great to read that your health is improving, your gamble-free days are happy and your driving skills are being honed to a high level.
It seems to me that allowing the cruise control to take over is a good analogy of life in recovery, it is great to sit back and enjoy but at the same time it is important to be vigilant for those damned speed signs, designed to catch you out when you are getting carried away.
Keep driving and enjoying the view Laura because my goodness, you deserve it
VelvetHi Lily
Well done going to the counselling; I’m sorry that she compared a gambling problem to smoking addiction – you will never hear such a comparison on this site.
I suspect you booked another session because you gained ‘something’ from being physically in the same room as the counsellor and it was one to one but only you can decide if you want to continue. I saw a counsellor many years ago and described addictive gambling in a family member but she didn’t join up the dots and I left feeling worse than I went in. Maybe you could educate her if you go again!
I think it is great that your husband is willing and able to support you and I hope your best friend is equally as supportive. I don’t think it is necessary for someone else to own an addiction for them to be a good support but I do think it helps if they are open to listening. We are all different and sometimes we made wrong calls about who we confide in but a true friend can be an amazing support.
I believe that grabbing all the support that is available is the best way forward; your counsellor has given you ‘something’ and if you add that to all the other things you are doing, you will put together a strong base for your gamble-free life. Even unhelpful comments can sometimes benefit you in that they can teach you what ‘you’ don’t find helpful making your path easier by clearing the unnecessary debris out of the way – for instance, if you didn’t know before, you know now, that the addiction to smoking and the addiction to gamble are not comparable.
Well done going to the meeting. I wish you well.
VelvetHi Lily
You nearly escaped the well-worn, hopefully useful, Welcome Post but I’m glad I spotted you!
I hope you will update after your counselling session and whether you struggle with it or not that you will continue to post here.
It’s that nasty addiction devil called complacency that is popping up and whispering in your ear that you don’t need counselling. Now I know that I don’t know if this counselling is right for you but I think that what is probably right for you is that you follow through and add the achievement to your journal – thus showing that devil that you are stronger than it is.
Journals are great for looking back and seeing how far you have come and you are already getting a history of gamble-free days to look back on and spur you on in the future.
The anonymity of the forum and the groups makes this site a great place to explore your feelings, hopefully you will become aware that such feelings are common and understood by those who are walking with you.
You are right that you deserve to feel better
Keep posting
VelvetHello Lily Nix and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Dear Maverick
You have certainly been through the wringer but I am really pleased to read that gambling has not made matters worse for you – well done.
Keep breathing – your wife depends on it.
Look after yourself Maverick, you are special. I hope your wife will soon be restored to full health.
VelvetHi Stella
A mother/daughter relationship that is all anger sadness and fear is incredibly unhealthy.
You are trying to save your mother from her addiction and I am of the opinion that it is better to accept that you cannot save her but to know that you can save yourself, that you do not have to live in the shadow of someone else’s addiction.
Medication that is giving you unpleasant side-effects is not, in my view, the answer to your difficult situation. You have gone from one sad experience to another and that is enough for anybody.
Many years ago a friend was told to put her grossly obese mother on a diet, her mother was 84. I remember thinking that maybe at 84 she should be left to indulge herself rather than spend the rest of her life trying to lose the pounds but that was before I became a gambling addiction therapist. I do now believe that a person can change their life at any age but they do need support, however, I do not think that that support has to come from family members who are suffering too.
I hope that maybe you can separate yourself from your mother screaming at you – do you have to live her? I sense that the best way forward for you is to have time apart, time for you to refresh you battery, time for you to regain your health.
I have somehow overlooked you and for that I apologise so I am glad that ‘Go Blue’ has brought you to the top. You will see from her post that someone else is sharing the same pain that you are and I know from experience that that it is a big help knowing that you are not alone with your problem.
Velvet
