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Hi Lily
You heard the voice of complacency and you refused it’s silver tongue because you recognised that it was forked.
Great post – I really liked it
VelvetHi Susie
You are sensibly looking after the finances and in my opinion this is the way things should stay for the foreseeable future. Your boyfriend will be getting the tools to live a gamble-free life but before you race ahead with worrying about a mortgage, I suggest it is better for him to start to live that life and get used to it. Treatment plants the seed of recovery but the seed needs nurturing to help it grow and it takes quite a long time to blossom.
I cannot tell you what to do but taking responsibility is a big step in the journey of a CG and should not be rushed.
The only way I think your boyfriend can increase his credit rating is to stay out of debt which includes credit cards.
I hope you will keep posting, I think that the early days of recovery are incredibly hard for both the CG and those who love them but the rewards for those who work hard at recovery are amazing – I wouldn’t be writing to you if I didn’t know this to be true.
VelvetHello Bee, and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Dear LB
What mixed feeling I had when I saw your post, happiness to hear from you again and sadness to see that your way has not been as clear as we had hoped in 2010 – good grief was it really that long ago!!!???
The groups are still running; it would be great to catch up again in real time. Your eldest must be a young teenager by now and as for the dancing baby I can only imagine what she is doing, life must be pretty hectic for you.
Anyway I hope to hear more, a taster is nowhere near enough. Please post again and/or pop in to a group they run on Tuesday and Thursday evenings 10 – 11 pm.
As Ever
VelvetHello J and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi Rayman
Your friends here know about your problem and understand what has happened, they will not want you to go.
Some of your friends who didn’t know about your problem invited you to hang with them in a casino.
Two sets of friends and you have failed neither. Those who didn’t know probably still don’t know, those who do know will not think you have failed them.
Keep posting here Rayman and allow yourself the gift of seeing beyond this slip – if I didn’t know that the addiction to gamble could be controlled, I wouldn’t be writing to you. It is understandable that it takes time to live gamble-free; it isn’t easy to change behaviour but walking away will definitely change nothing.
In your post you give a sound reason for telling your friends you have a problem – that could be the difference between being how you feel now and being the person you want to be.
One day you may come to realise that this miserable experience might be the greatest education of your life. Make this slip work for you and don’t allow it to define who you are.
Keep posting
VelvetHi SJ
Well done SJ.
We can allow bad experiences to defeat us or we can turn bad experiences around and make them enhance the rest of our lives. I think your speech poked a stick in the eye of addiction.
Reading a post like this makes my day a whole lot brighter – thank you.
VelvetHi
Taking notice of where a repeated behaviour got you and then determining to do something different, that you now ‘know’ will improve your life, is that precious commodity called experience.
You have now added to your wealth of experience an ‘almost two year’ gamble-free time, so now you can look at the why this relapse occurred and add it to your stock of tools for controlling your addiction. Such knowledge cannot be taught.
Is the ghastly boss a permanent fixture? Is there anything you can do about him – I appreciate that bullying is often very hard to complain about but it is horrible and you should not have to tolerate it?
You are not crazy, you are not hopeless, keep posting as you did before and use this latest experience as a launch pad for a better life. You will not be back to square one, nearly two years gamble-free c o u n t s for a lot, ‘you’ did it and you can do it again. I look forward to hearing your progress
Velvet
Hi DG
I liked your post of last week where you write ‘A few urges as expected’ as though you were travelling down a road and coming across a pothole or two but you were not surprised them, in fact you expected to see them and so you were ready and able to take evasive action.
It sounded a really cool approach and worked well for you.
The broken car was the latest pothole and you didn’t fall in. Keep your mind open to the fact there will be more obstacles, but above all enjoy the gamble-free view as you go.
Well done
VelvetDear Jenny
I thought of pulling your thread up last week but I knew that you would do so when the time was right for you – and here you are.
You have come a long way since you last posted and you are still doing well in the face of adversity.
I have given evidence in a criminal court and it was a little bit daunting but provided you tell the truth and believe in yourself and what you are doing you will be fine.
Barristers seek to find the truth and although their methods may seem gladiatorial it is merely a way to establish the truth, they are paid to do a job and there is nothing personal in what they do. Be cool, take a second or ten before you answer and tell the truth. You know your ex will lie because to tell the truth is to admit he has abused you, so no surprise there!
I know that reliving your experiences will be traumatic but I know you can do it because you are the mother of three great children who need you to be strong for them – we can move mountains for our children Jenny and you are no exception. I also know these difficult times pass and there is a whole lot of great life ahead for you and your family.
I think your daughter is fantastic writing about her experiences – I can think of no better way to put her ghosts to bed. Your son will be a man when he stands up in court but equally I am sure he will have the resilience of youth.
I think your climb has been harder than many but you are far from being beaten by someone telling lies about you. You scaled your fear of the knock on the door and mail coming through the mail box by recognising that they were just games, lies and deceit. Now it is time to dig your crampons in again and pull yourself up to speak in court.
Your ex has gambled on not being taken to court and he has lost; you have proved over and over that you are stronger than the bully he is.
No this isn’t easy but it is scalable and you have the will-power, determination and true grit to see this through. I still have the champagne at the top ready to pop when you arrive – and you will soon. This is just another wee hurdle Jenny.
VelvetHello Death rider and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi Lizbeth
Mundane is better than devastation and gambling is devastation. Be open to thoughts of what you would like to do and then maybe set about making it happen. It would be great to get posts from different states as you travel around if that is really what you want to do – age is no excuse.
I have been watching a blue-tit preparing her nest for when her chicks are born and she made me feel ashamed; she hasn’t stopped, just a little ball of feathers and energy flitting in and out of the nest box with bits of moss, bashing them into a cosy shape before heading out again into a world fraught with danger. I’m not like her! Today it hasn’t stopped drizzling and I have no get-up-and-go, I can’t be bothered.
So I am now going to walk my dog and tell her my dreams, a mundane thing to do maybe but it will give me (and her) pleasure, even if it doesn’t light up the sky.
VelvetHi Lizbeth
Mundane is better than devastation and gambling is devastation. Be open to thoughts of what you would like to do and then maybe set about making it happen. It would be great to get posts from different states as you travel around if that is really what you want to do – age is no excuse.
I have been watching a blue-tit preparing her nest for when her chicks are born and she made me feel ashamed; she hasn’t stopped, just a little ball of feathers and energy flitting in and out of the nest box with bits of moss, bashing them into a cosy shape before heading out again into a world fraught with danger. I’m not like her! Today it hasn’t stopped drizzling and I have no get-up-and-go, I can’t be bothered.
So I am now going to walk my dog and tell her my dreams, a mundane thing to do maybe but it will give me (and her) pleasure, even if it doesn’t light up the sky.
VelvetHi Alliesmum
This is not a dream, wild or otherwise, 36 gamble-free days are your reality thanks to your courage and determination. 36 times you have concerned yourself with just one day – it works doesn’t it?
Great positive post
VelvetHi Hope
Of course I remember you.
I am sad that you are still involved in the cycle of a gambling addiction but I am so pleased you knew you could return even if you thought that you were probably going to hear nothing new.
You have been physically barricaded out of your son’s bedroom for three days but I suspect you have been mentally barricaded out for a long time by a wall of non-communication, built to prevent him taking responsibility for his poor behaviour. He is hanging on to his nest without his finances being affected thus freeing up money to indulge his addiction.
He is behaving like an active CG who intends to do nothing about his problem which means he will be unhappy but it seems to me he is still trusting that one day his addiction will turn up well for him and he will show the world that he knew what he was doing. Where do you want to be in five years time? It is a difficult question but I know this addiction takes its toll, from those who are closest, for as long as they allow it.
Of course you love him although I would have understood if you had said that your feelings had been stretched to the limit!
In a way, strangely, I am sorry he is in a good job that possibly pays well because while he can live with you and fund his habit he will struggle to reason out why he should face his demons. I suspect that he blames his girlfriend for the breakdown of the relationship because if he accepted that it was a consequence of his poor behaviour, he might have to take responsibility and responsibility is something he is clearly avoiding on every level – at the moment.
You write ‘mental health issues’ – do you suspect he has other issues apart from the addiction to gamble? The addiction to gamble can be at the root of many difficult behaviour such as depression and violent mood swings which can disappear when the addiction is controlled.
Has he left home before and if so how did he manage and why do you feel he would not survive now? I have a vague memory Hope of the support that you had from family and friends but I don’t want to assume that it is correct – it would be good if you would refresh my memory.
In this first reply I can only suggest that you poke details of local GA meetings and possibly information on this site and/or the GMA organisation under his door – our Helpline is, as ever, one-to-one, anonymous and private. Your son might not be receptive to talking but he might read something to point him in the right direction even if he does screw it up and throw it away.
The addiction to gamble does cause tremendous anxiety but that anxiety is also dragging you down so I hope you have on the ground support. I will of course be here for you for as long as you want me to be and the groups are often attended by other mothers so please look in – ‘talking’ in real time is very different and usually productive.
Keep posting too
Velvet
