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Hello Laserjet and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hello Craig and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hello Liz and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi Ricki
The Jekyll and Hyde transformation is always harder for loved ones to understand and cope with than any loss of money – where has he gone and why?
Your husband has a gambling addiction that he didn’t ask for and certainly doesn’t want – he can’t do what millions of people do with no ill effects and he can’t understand why, any more than you do, which is probably why he has shut you out.
I spent 25 years doing all the wrong things for all the right reasons Ricki and I have met the man you have described many times; I am fortunate, however, that I also know that compulsive gamblers (CGs) can control their addiction with treatment and can live amazing and fruitful lives – I know because I have seen it and heard it many, many times.
I think it is important to know what it is that you want and how you feel – do you still love him? Even if the answer is that you think possibly not, it might be that it is his addiction you cannot love but you still have love for the man. I believed I could not possibly love the CG in my life but I was eventually proved wrong.
I suspect, please correct me if am wrong, that there is little logical and reasonable conversation between you and that matters are going from bad to worse. It is hard to put the brakes on a rollercoaster or to slow it down long enough to think new thoughts but if the will is there is can be done.
Pleading, crying, threatening, loving, shouting and promising, make no difference to a gambling addiction that is active. You are trying to talk to an addiction that does not want to listen. You say he is gambling, he says he is not – he lies to you to make you stop questioning him and when his lies do not have the desired effect, he threatens because that is his coping mechanism. He blames you, because if he accepts that his poor behaviour rests with him then he will have to take responsibility and he is not prepared to do that at the moment. Your husband’s addiction is the master of threats so threatening him is a waste of energy unless you know (and mean) 100% that you are going to carry that threat out. Every threat, not carried out, tells your husband that he has time for another bet and active CGs do not think much further than the next bet.
I would never suggest that you leave or stay with your husband, that decision has to be yours but in my opinion the best decisions for good outcomes are informed ones which is why I am going to leave this first reply to you here and await your reply.
Don’t allow the addiction of another person make you feel you are going insane – you are not – I understood every word of your post and I know you are stronger than your husband’s addiction.
Trying something different takes time, energy and grim determination, it may make a difference but there is no magic pill and no crystal ball. You don’t ‘have’ to leave but my question is ‘do you want to do so?’
VelvetHello Ricki
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page
Read about the friends and Family Online Groups
Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂We look forward to hearing all about you!
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi Monica
It is great that you got the job in spite of, or because of, your trousers!
Don’t be scared – if you couldn’t do the job you wouldn’t have got it, especially with all the competition. You have proved yourself to the interviewers – if they believe in you then you should too.
Well done
VelvetHi Lizbeth
Gambling is the reason you are finding it difficult at the moment but it is you that will get yourself back on track and able to enjoy your life.
Your creditors cannot take money that you do not have and I do hope they will listen to you sympathetically – I think it is always better to be upfront with an offer, however small, rather than trying to hide until they find you.
Channelling anxiety and stress is incredibly difficult but when you look back you will see that you have ridden out many storms and you are still here looking after your family, making your backyard a place of peace and beauty and even allowing yourself a chance to dream.
You are indeed living up to your thread title and not giving up – take some time everyday and make it ‘just for you’ because you are so worth it.
VelvetHi Lisaanne
I think it is great to take a bad experience and use it to make life better.
You have turned a day that you dreaded into a good day, you have poked the addiction in the eye with a sharp stick.
Well done
VelvetHi Rayman
A year is a drop in the ocean compared to your lifetime.
When you look at how much you have achieved in 12 days, pause for a moment and think what a year will bring you and then stop worrying about it – you can only live one day at a time, so enjoy today.
VelvetHi Lisaann
Maybe this is a good day to pop back at regular intervals and update – it’s good to know that you can share the pride in yourself and know that someone is listening and applauding.
Just for today
VelvetHello Ciaran and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi AAA
I have been fortunate to see many, many stories with happy outcomes but unfortunately those member’s posts are not current. Understandably F&F who come out of the shadow of addiction have no need to go back under it or keep writing in our forum – they have good lives to lead and they no longer post, which is as it should be.
I do have one happy story that I can relate to you and that is my own. The CG in my life was active for 25 years and for 23 of those years I had no idea what was wrong with him – I knew nothing about an addiction to gamble. He reached an age where the damage he had wrought was excessive and we were estranged. I don’t know why on a particular day he reached his mental rock bottom and determined to change his life. I told him, during a painful phone call, about support that I had only just heard about but he still insisted he was ok and not gambling. Two and a half hours later he called to say he had asked for that support and a couple of weeks later he went into rehab.
It wasn’t an easy time. He had a fight with his demons, the like of which I can only imagine while I had my fight with doubt, confusion and fear – the yo-yo spun uncontrollably every day.
He has now been living a wonderful gamble-free life for 12 years. He insists that I accept that he is a CG (compulsive gambler) who can never gamble responsibly. I can live with this and I gave up my fears years and years ago. I trust that he will look after the life he now treasures and he trusts me that I will not dwell in the past but use it for reference only. We never have a need to rake over the active gambling years.
It is one day at a time, particularly in the early weeks and months and that applies to both of you. Communication is so important – talking about things that are not gambling related is wonderful. I think it is probably wise in these early days not trust him because for a time he will not be able to trust himself. I do believe it is ok to have some hope when a CG accepts his addiction and begin to act responsibly. I suspect you will be waiting for him to mess up for a whiile and I can only hope, along with you, that he will succeed for himself and thereby for you.
I think the best thing I ever did, when he had completed his counselling programme, was to ask him to help me to get things right. He took time to talk, I suspect because he didn’t trust that I could or would ever understand him. While he was seeking support I began to learn about his addiction and I was prepared to listen in a way I had probably never done before.
I hope some of this helps but please keep posting.
Velvet
Hello Lisaann and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi AAA
Whether you were aware of your partner’s excessive gambling, or not, you are not stupid. He has an addiction that he neither asked for, nor wanted but which thrives on secrecy due to a blinkered belief that given time it will be ok. Unfortunately what he would not have aware of is that his addiction would get worse if it wasn’t treated.
I cannot tell you what to do because all decisions must be yours but informed decisions, in my opinion, lead to better outcomes. Separating might not give you the answer you want so please be sure you know that what you are doing is right for you and is what you really want.
50 is a good age to reflect on any damage that has gone before and to commit to a better future. Many compulsive gamblers have unresolved problems in their lives, so I hope he will use this counselling opportunity to deal with things that are possibly affecting his behaviour in a negative way.
Is his counsellor ‘addiction aware’ because in my view your partner needs specialist care and understanding?
Children do pick up on tension but maybe now that you are both gaining knowledge of his addiction it will be easier for you to talk – fighting and arguments do not help to deal with this addiction.
Well done writing your first post, I hope you will keep posting and that you will know that you are understood here. I wouldn’t be writing to you if I didn’t know that his addiction can be controlled and an amazing life lived as a result.
He was betrayed when he first gambled for fun, as most of us have done at some time or another, he didn’t know that for him addiction was to be his lot. His addiction has caused you to feel betrayal but it can be controlled. Don’t give up hope.
VelvetHello AAA
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page
Read about the friends and Family Online Groups
Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂We look forward to hearing all about you!
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
