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Hi Sunny
I am glad you have sought help; it is a lonely business living with someone with a gambling addiction.
Compulsive gamblers often work hard so that they have the money to gamble; do you think your husband has to work as hard as he is doing or is he putting in extra hours to get extra gambling money?
It is common for a compulsive gambler to spend every waking hour thinking about the next gamble, believing it to be the most important thing in their life – and then when the ability to gamble is removed they can feel a massive void and not know what to do with their time and thoughts.
Did he used to have hobbies and friends before his addiction gripped him. Do you have a circle of friends that he could be included in? Do you have hobbies in which he could participate?
Your husband has asked you to get him help but you don’t feel able to make the appointment. I believe that your husband should make the appointment himself but as he is dragging his feet maybe you could suggest you do it together.
Try and not get into the big fight Sunny, fighting, along with pleading and threatening, is a waste of energy where this addiction is concerned; it wears you out and doesn’t change a thing.
I have brought my thread ‘The F&F Cycle’ up for you to show you how easy it is to get caught up in the cycle of addiction.
It seems to me from what you have said that he is trying to control his addiction without dedicated support but this site and GA wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t important to get the right treatment. I am sure that meditation is beneficial but I believe he needs real direction.
The addiction to gamble is like having a head full of water which distorts thoughts and doesn’t allow any breathing space – with support your husband can learn to tip out some of that water making room for honest, logical thought.
It is more than a bad habit Sunny, a bad habit can be cured but addiction has to be controlled – there is no cure but it is because I ‘know’ that the addiction to gamble can be controlled that I am writing this to you now.
Accepting an addiction is a big step, taking responsibility and acting upon that acceptance takes courage and determination.
We have an excellent Helpline on this site which your husband can contact, it is anonymous and one-to-one; he would be very welcome. Maybe you could download the 20-questions from the Gamblers Anonymous web site, it might help him to realise he is not alone but that there is real and good support for him.
I hope you will keep posting. I believe that those who love compulsive gamblers also need support and recovery from this debilitating addiction.
VelvetHello Danielle and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hello Sunny
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page
Read about the friends and Family Online Groups
Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂We look forward to hearing all about you!
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi Tango
Welcome back, I am 99.999% certain I remember you.
I think every method of coping with the addiction to gamble will be denounced by someone as ‘pointless’; there is no one-size fits all but when it comes down to it the ‘only’ person that can make the difference between addiction and freedom is the one who ‘wants’ to make the difference and in your case that person is ‘you’.
When you test your addiction you are not accepting it. It is Vain Hope that test drives an addiction, a hope that maybe, just maybe, this time it will be different but Vain Hope is not your friend, nor ever will be.
I am pleased that you have returned to this forum and I hope you will use the groups and begin to enjoy the fruits of a true gamble-free life. Use your journal to chart your progress, lip service really is pointless and doesn’t wash here. I am sure you remember that the reason I write here is because I have seen true recoveries and wonderful outcomes so I am not talking about the impossible dream that your addiction offers.
Keep posting T – it is great to hear you back and determined just for ‘today’.
VelvetHello Tango and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hello Anonymous and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi Johanna
I wish I could tell you something different but all the signs point to your boyfriend being a CG.
The expression you used that jumped out of your post was that ‘things don’t add up’ – this is often the point when F&F begin to recognise that something is out of control. At this point many F&F decide to stick their heads in the sand and hope the problem will go away so I am really glad that you have recognised that matters are running away with you and you want to know what is going on so you can make the right decision for you.
Sadly ‘your need’ for him to put his life together is probably not ‘his need’ at the moment – he probably feels that ‘his need’ is to gamble and as long as he can pull the wool over your eyes he will be hopeful that he can continue indulging his addiction without consequences.
I have no doubt that your boyfriend can be amazing. CGs can be wonderful but unfortunately mired in addiction they can do horrendous damage. I would be doing you a disservice Johanna if I didn’t tell you that unless he faces his demons and seeks help, his addiction will take you all the way to the bottom with him – if you allow it.
I think it is always safer not to believe an active CG thus avoiding disappointment because the chances will be strong that he will not be telling the truth. His latest ‘problem’ shows him wanting to borrow from you to pay his daughter, lawyer and friend when it is very possible that he told them he has to repay you. I suspect that all the time he is getting others to clear his debts; he is chasing his losses by gambling and thereby increasing his debt.
I am sure he was hurt and sorry when you said you were not going to pay his bills but I think it would be wise to consider why he was hurt and sorry – a CG is full of sorrow and remorse when he cannot get enablement.
I am going to leave this first reply there Johanna as it is late. Unfortunately I am away now for 3 days but I will look out for you on my return. If you decide that you want to support your boyfriend then I will gladly support you – I do know he can control his addiction but I know it takes great courage for him to do so and you will need courage too.
I do understand what it is like to have your heart strings pulled and I also know the heartbreak the addiction to gamble can cause. Please keep posting, there are things you can do to protect yourself and ways that you can support him if you want to go on.
Well done writing this first post, it can’t have been easy
VelvetHello Johanna
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page
Read about the friends and Family Online Groups
Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂We look forward to hearing all about you!
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi JayKay
I’m not counting as a result of reading you post but I am smiling
Well done
Velvet
