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Hello Hermione and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hello James and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi Alaska
Sit tight, the message is tough but I believe you already know that.
Your son’s debt management plan has helped your son cope with his gambling debts so far but it will also have left him believing that what has gone has gone and the slate is clean; now on to the next gamble and the elusive win that will never come.
The addiction to gamble strips away feelings of self-esteem and self-confidence, so your son is lying to you to cover up his feelings of failure; he doesn’t want you to know that he feels worthless – he would probably never admit this even to himself. Asking him about his gambling will only result in lies; telling him that he has to stop gambling will only result in lies – in my opinion, such questions and advice are worthless.
Positive words have more persuasion such as encouraging any successes he has in sport or his profession. Disappointment only serves to convince him that he is right to believe he is useless.
My son told me that the minute I entered the room he was in, his addiction would fire up ready to confuse me. I was an unwitting participant in this behaviour and he knew it, resulting in me asking all the wrong questions and spending far too long doing all the wrong things for all the right reasons.
Experience tells me that compulsive gamblers have more hope of controlling their addiction earlier when there is a united front from a family. I know that the best thing a parent can do is to learn about the addiction to gamble so that pitfalls can be avoided. What are your husband’s thoughts about you sending money? It will be great if you can offer a united front against your son’s addiction without appearing to be against him. Do you have other children and if so are they succeeding in their lives?
Enablement feeds an addiction and keeps it alive and can keep it alive year in and year out until something changes because unless something changes, nothing changes. The problem is, that these are words which are easy to write and often hell on earth to carry out. You have started to make a difference by seeking support for you. Your son does not want to hurt you and the best way to support him is not to allow yourself to become part of the wreckage of his addiction.
In this first full reply to you, I am not going to launch in about enablement because I know you have been reading other posts. For now I would like to ask you to keep posting, hopefully sharing with your husband your findings and to give yourself hope which will reflect in your behaviour when your son comes home.
I really hope you will join me in a group either on a Tuesday or a Thursday between 10pm and 11pm. Nothing said in the group appears on the forum, it is private and safe.
There is so much to say Alaska and I always want to jump to the last page but understanding each chapter is important to getting it right. It took me months to even begin to understand my son’s addiction so please keep posting and together we will hopefully find the right way to support your son.
Velvet
Hi Alaska
I just wanted to let you know that I have read your post and understand what you are saying completely – even the bit about sending him money because you think your son might not eat.
I will reply to you more fully tomorrow when I have given your post the attention it deserves. In the meantime I leave you with the knowledge that your son can live a wonderful life in control of his addiction, if it wasn’t so I wouldn’t be here writing to you.
VelvetHello Alaska
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page
Read about the friends and Family Online Groups
Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂
We look forward to hearing all about you!
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
Hello Jenjen and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hello Stuck and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hello Butterfly and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Привет, К. Когда я прочитал твой пост, я подумал: «Она вернулась», а потом улыбнулся. Я буду следить за вашей веткой и получать удовольствие от чтения о великом приключении, поскольку вы приносите надежду и улыбки другим. Бархат
Hi K
When I read you post my thought was ‘she’s back’ and then came the smile.
I will be following your thread and enjoying reading about the great adventure as you bring hope and smiles to others.Velvet
Hi Woaiwozj
Your reason for being here is excellent; well done for confronting your problem and doing something about it.
The problem with addictive gambling is that it gets worse unless it is treated but the good news is you can control your addiction and have the life that you want.
Lies and deceit go hand in hand with the addiction and they can be very wearing and destructive to a relationship.
You have been 5 months gamble free so you know you can do it but trying to go it alone will always be problematical. On this site you can share with others who are in various stages of controlling their addiction and well as those who have controlled it but are keeping close to support.
Your girlfriend would be welcome in our F&F forum or in our F&F groups where she can learn to support you and understand what it is that is hurting you.
I suggest that you delete the contacts in your Skype that are connected to gambling and that you exclude yourself from the gambling sites you have been frequenting. Removing the temptation is a big step towards recovery although it is only part of the solution. Abstention is not a cure but in our groups, our Helpline and this forum you will find support that will be unique for you and you can share your progress with others.
Keep posting. Your personal journal in this forum will allow you to look back and see how far you have come. I will certainly be watching your progress and willing you on because I know you can control your addiction and have that happy future with your girlfriend.
VelvetHello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Dear Cathy
Taking so long for a parent to see what is in the best interest for their child could appear shocking to those who have not lived with the addiction to gamble but here we recognise that if your child owns that addiction he will do everything and anything to protect himself by hiding his torment and in doing so sadly protect his invasive and destructive addiction. As the long years pass and the child grows to be an adult, with the situation still hidden from view and unresolved, the parent can feel even more isolated and confused. I think you should be patting yourself on the back that you woke up in 11 years; it took me another 14.
I also found that it had to get unbearably hard before it got better. If I look back, however, I still cannot see what I could have done differently – which is exactly what my son told me when he left rehab and determined to live a gamble-free life.
I have found that working on me has been an interesting project and like you, I am still a work in progress. I do believe that the experience we have shared can be enormously productive in making all aspects of our lives better if we allow it. Successfully coming out the other side is surely a kick in the teeth for the addiction.
I wish your son well; I am aware that my son still commits himself every day to live in control of his addiction and I trust that he will always do so. I don’t think we can ask for more.
It was great to get an update. It is easy to keep you in my thoughts; we have a shared experience that means we understand each other regardless of distance and time.
VelvetHello Naomi and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hey Cathy
Please update for me, I think I have been missing some of your posts.
Reading the previous reply on your thread, it looks as though your son is doing better but your last post in F&F was not so positive.
Its a long battle I know. Is your son still going to GA? Are you still gong to Gam-Anon?
Hoping to hear from you, you are in my thoughts
Velvet