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Hello Meera and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hello DM and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hello Masoud and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
w/b Jilly
Hi February
Your boyfriend has taken a big, positive step by admitting his addiction to you and if he has taken further steps by closing his accounts his actions are to be commended.
I appreciate that you feel your future is drained but your boyfriend didn’t want or ask for his addiction, he could not have known when he placed his first bets that a compulsion to gamble would be his lot – if he had, he would never have placed those bets.
Every day will be a battle for quite some time but his battle will be the greater – he will have to watch his actions for the rest of his life but the good news is that, unlike him, you can recover from this shock.
I suggest that you learn as much as you can about his addiction to help you support him, whilst taking great care to look after yourself. If you fall apart because of his addiction then you will be unable to help either of you. Keep up with your hobbies and interests, see friends and family, and enjoy your life because you deserve it.
True recoveries have to start somewhere and your boyfriend has made a good start but without support he is likely to crash. You cannot save him but you can direct him to those who can support him. GA is fantastic, as is this site. We have a terrific Helpline which is open to you and your boyfriend; it is one to one and private. We have compulsive gambler groups where he can share his journey and private concerns, they are facilitated and safe. We have the forum entitled ‘My Journal’ where he can write as much, or as little, as he wishes but where he will receive support from those who are walking the same road as himself.
If your boyfriend could not control his addiction I would not be writing to you; if he could not live a wonderful life in control of his addiction I would not be writing to you. Many, many CGs go on to live, perhaps more fulfilling lives because of their addiction, they have to go through so much to learn control and in doing so they learn so many life lessons that they by-pass those who have not had their experience.
I don’t know what you will decide to do or what your outcome will be but I wish you both well and hope that you will post again. It might take longer than you anticipated before you move in together but if this waiting time is used to gain knowledge of the addiction and to enjoy life without gambling then I believe you can find the man you want your boyfriend to be and more importantly he can find the man that he wants to be.
VelvetHello Ruth and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi Jazmyn
Without treatment a gambling addiction will get worse which suggests to me that your husband is unlikely ever to get out of debt unless he seeks support. I hope that the friends and relatives who have enabled him in the past are now refusing to do so.
It is difficult within a marriage for a spouse to refuse to enable when she is looking after her children financially and clearing the bills to maintain a home for them.
I will never suggest that you leave or stay within your marriage, that decision must always be yours but I can hear your sadness and I wish that I could offer you more hope.
I feel for you feeling so alone and I hope you may get some comfort from knowing that there is somebody here listening to you and understanding what you are going though. Why have you not confided in your family? I know how difficult it can be to get support from family and friends who have not lived with the addiction to gamble but it seems to me that you could really do with on the ground support. Neither you, nor your husband asked for or wanted his addiction; there should be no shame in admitting that this terrible situation exists for you, you are not to blame.
Maybe you could inform your husband that you have sought support for yourself because you are taking his gambling seriously and it is damaging your well-being and the well-being of his children.
Is your husband’s behaviour distressing your children? Do you have a good relationship with his family? Can you talk to any of his family about how you feel?
I am going to leave my first reply there because I want to get this posted so that you can know you have been heard.
I will walk with you for as long as you want me to do so Jazmyn. I really do understand.
VelvetHello Jazmyn
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page
Read about the friends and Family Online Groups
Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂
We look forward to hearing all about you!
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi February
I am sorry I have not replied to you as you deserve, I will reply to you on Wednesday.
VelvetHi Brainstorm
Your post deserves a proper reply but that cannot be given on someone else’s thread. Please scroll to the bottom of the forums, click on ‘New Topic’, write your post in the box, or copy and paste the one you have written, give your post a title and click ‘send’. I will be happy to support you
VelvetHello K and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi kathryn
Stick your hand in the drawer and pull out one load of paperwork, shut the drawer, put the bundle on a table beside another cup of coffee and sort that lot out. Do not go back into the drawer until you have relaxed and drunk loads more coffee. Have a very, very large waste-paper bin beside you and get the rhythm going, one for the tax pile and one for the bin, one for the housekeeping and one for the bin. Repeat the process over a few weeks and gradually you will see the job done. Put the empty drawer in the bin and have a glass or two of wine.
Having got that, would you please come and start tidying my house as I can’t get passed looking at all the unfinished jobs and thinking this is insurmountable. I think another cup of coffee is called for – cheers!Velvet
Hello Jack and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi K
Blonde is fun. When I came home after I went blonde for the first time one of my children said ‘get inside quickly before someone sees you’.
Sounds like you are doing great Kathryn. I hope the reunion is a blast – I went to an old school friend’s second wedding a couple of weeks ago and we were the same with each other that we had been way back in the mists of time. We even talked about her being the shooter and me being the goal keeper for netball. It’s great not to feel too grown up sometimes.
Brilliant seeing you posting again
VHi Alaska
You finished your first post by asking how others got out of the mess when their sons took them to the limit and beyond.
I was an unwitting participant in my son’s gambling cycle for 23 years Alaska, worried that he wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t have a roof over his head and would never achieve a good future unless I bailed him out. He told me after 23 years that he gambled but he might have well have said he was a brain surgeon because I could no longer trust a word that he uttered. I was an ignorant participant in his gambling cycle. I joined Gam-Anon and gradually began to understand my son’s addiction and to pull back from doing what I thought was ‘the right thing’ for him. Two years later, when all enablement had ceased, he turned his life around and became the man he wanted to be and the son I could enjoy and respect.
I am not for one minute suggesting that you will be waiting over 20 years for your son to wake up because you are seeking support now and you have recognised his problem. In recognising his problem you are able to support him by not enabling his addiction as I did.
There is a strong possibility that any money you send your son for food will be used to gamble because the addiction has the greater appetite. He is not going to starve when he is coming home every other weekend. Sending him cash is the same as giving a drink to an alcoholic and I am sure you wouldn’t do that. As I said earlier, a united front with your husband on enablement is really helpful.
The forces can offer a safety net for compulsive gamblers, your son presumably doesn’t pay rent or bills if he is in barracks and this possibly leaves him thinking he has money to play with, money to lose. It is possible that your son’s mates gamble and probably manage to gamble responsibly but your son cannot do this – this can make a young man angry and confused – he doesn’t know why he can’t be like them.
When your son says that his life is shit, does he expand on which areas have disappointed him; does he feel threatened by siblings appearing to manage their lives better than he is doing? Is he unhappy with his choice of career, is he being bullied? Was he happy before he joined up?
In my opinion it is good to let an active gambler know that you are seeking support, that you are taking his growing debts seriously even if he is not. Maybe you could download the Gamblers Anonymous 20-questions from their web site and leave them in his room; it is possible that he thinks he is unique with his problem. If it was me I would also leave times and places for GA meetings and information on this web site. Our Helpline is terrific, one-to-one and private. Offering help by giving him information on GA or this site will hopefully show him that you are behind him.
Maybe you could print off the following links for him to look up in his own time.
https://www.rehab-recovery.co.uk/counselling/armed-forces.htmlhttps://cassioburycourt.com/armed-forces-drug-alcohol-rehabilitation-veterans/
He might screw up any information you give him but he might not – directing him to support is a great way to help him. I eventually told my son about GMA during an incredibly stressful telephone conversation and somehow that chance remark triggered a response in him. I don’t know why on that particular day and at that time particular time I managed to say the right thing and he managed to listen but true recoveries do start somewhere.
Your husband’s struggle is understandable; to a logical mind the lies spun by an active compulsive gambler can be incomprehensible but trying to make sense of the senseless is a waste of energy. Neither of you can save your son, only your son can do that but you can make a difference and I firmly believe that gaining knowledge of the addiction is the best thing you can do.
Keep posting
Velvet