[velvet]

Hi Josh
You haven’t ruined everything, you have lost your sense of direction due to a gambling problem that you didn’t ask for or want and now you have come here to find your way.
You don’t have to live your life like this Josh, you can change it and although your mother and girlfriend can give you fantastic support the only person who can save you is ‘you’.
Taking control of a gambling addiction requires courage and determination but I wouldn’t be here writing to you if I didn’t know that you can control your problem and life a wonderful life.
This is a great site for support and I hope you will keep posting and hopefully join our CG (compulsive gambler) groups where you will be welcome and understood.
If your mother or your girlfriend wants to know how to support you best, maybe they could join the Friends and Family groups on Tuesdays and Thursdays – nothing said in the group appears on the forums, it is private and safe. Our Helpline is there for you and your loved ones too.
I am pleased that you have started your thread and accepted that your problem is serious. If left untreated this addiction gets worse, never better. There is no point in looking for an answer as to why this has happened to you – it is better to save you energy for learning to control it.
I wish you well and look forward to hearing your progress
Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Konj

Well done writing your first post

I think it would be better if you outlined your story.  There is lots of support here for you and members will be willing to give it to you but it is easier if we know more about you and your concerns.

Please post again and tell us more about yourself and what has brought you to this site.

Velvet

[velvet]

Hello Konjand thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi Lizbeth
I hope you will forgive yourself soon; you don’t deserve to be punished for having an addiction that you didn’t ask for or want. I doubt that any part of you is dead, just numb and I am sure, forgiveness would bring your feeling back.
The people at church were nice to you because they see a person they want to be nice to – they don’t see the person you have described yourself to be.
Be kind to yourself Lizbeth, you can be the person you want to be because she is there, if maybe a little lost.
Believe you are worth it – because you are.
Velvet

[velvet]

Hello Karo and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi BBB
One day at a time is all any of us can ask of ourselves and it is enough.
I don’t know if you go to GA but one of my favourite passages if from the GA handbook
YESTERDAY, TODAY, AND TOMORROW.

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry: two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.
One of these days is yesterday with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. We cannot undo a single act we performed. We cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone.
The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow with its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise or poor performance. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.
Tomorrow’s sun will rise, either in splendour or behind a mask of clouds – but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.
This leaves only one day – TODAY. Any person can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of these two awful eternities – yesterday and tomorrow – that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives people mad – it is the remorse or bitterness of something which happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring. Let us, therefore, LIVE BUT ONE DAY AT A TIME.

I wish you well BBB and although I cannot tell you what to do, I do hope you will re-read Jimmy’s post – I could not have written it any better.
Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Lizbeth
Gambling thoughts can become gambling actions – when you have those thoughts come back to the forum and re-read your thread.
Contact someone from your GA sooner rather than later and share you worries with them; keep your faith and stay strong. Gambling will achieve nothing; the action will only bring you greater worry.
You are important to your family Lizbeth and you are important here. I will watch your thread and rejoice with you when you banish that devil on your shoulder back to the darkest corner of the universe. I know you can.
Velvet

[velvet]

Dear Bettie
What a pleasure to see you post again although I am sorry that gambling is still a thorn in your side – take care. I know that you know that you are playing with fire and I can only hope that you don’t get burned.
I will spare you all my warnings and suggestions which I know you have heard over and over. It doesn’t stop me caring though
Look after yourself Bettie and pop back again sometime because you want to update.
I wish you well
Velvet

[velvet]

Great Post

You see, you are definitely not invisible!

I can’t tell you what to do but it seems to me that by not banning yourself from that one casino you are keeping the door slightly ajar – just in case. In my opinion, banning yourself sooner rather than later is an important part of letting go.

Hope all goes well with your other weekend plans

Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Dell
It’s a bit late for me so this will just be a quick reply to let you know you have been heard and how much I appreciated your desire to help your partner because it is a fact that compulsive gamblers benefit from good support from their loved ones, so well done.
I understand his feelings of guilt but they are unnecessary because he didn’t ask for or want his addiction – I am sure he would love to be able to gamble as others do but the the nature of his problem means that he cannot gamble responsibly and possibly/probably never will be able to do so.
Listening is more important than trying to talk a CG (compulsive gambler) into stopping gambling or trying to help him deal with past relationships affected by his addiction. When you have gained knowledge of his addiction it will help you give good support – so keep posting.
Enjoying your time together is very important so have fun whilst taking great care of yourself. Keep up with your other friends and hobbies – don’t allow concern for his addiction to fill your mind 24 hours a day.
I will write again shortly by which time I will have put together some thoughts for you.
Velvet

[velvet]

Hi D
I am pleased that you have told your husband that you are still struggling but that you are doing something about it – his lukewarm reaction hopefully means he heard you on some level. It is common for many of those who love CGs to turn a deaf ear because they cannot cope with what is being presented to them – it is better and easier to believe it isn’t true. It is also a fact D that most non-CGs do not understand the addiction to gamble unless they have sought knowledge of it. You have said that your husband has not shown interest in the family finances either which would be where most non-CGs begin to recognise that there is an inexplicable problem that requires further investigation.
You are not invisible; you are possibly one of the quiet ones but the quiet ones are just as important as those who enter a room and demand attention just by being there. I have quiet friends who sit on the periphery of groups but they are all special and I enjoy their company; I find they often have more to say that makes sense than all the egotists in the room.
Believe in yourself and others will believe in you. You have probably been held back with unnecessary guilt of an addiction that seeks to destroy self-confidence and self-esteem but there is nothing for you to be ashamed about; you didn’t ask for or want your addiction and what is special about ‘you’ is that you are standing up to it and that takes more gumption than many people, CG or not, possess.
You are the doing well and on this site your efforts are recognised for what they are – courageous and scary but offering great hope.
I can hear you and so will many others – I look forward to following your progress
Velvet

[velvet]

Hi D
I’m sorry that you are not getting the replies you deserve, sometimes (I don’t know why) members slip down the forums and get missed. You wrote a lot more in your first post with the title ‘Down the Rabbit Hole’ so I am going to respond to that at the same time as this thread. As I went to post this I noticed that you have now had a couple of replies but I will send this anyway.
You wrote that you are ‘completely’ addicted and I would argue that you are not – there is a lot more to you than your addiction and it is all your other worthwhile attributes that I hope you will find and learn to love.
I am so sorry that your husband did not offer any support when you asked for it, I know it is harder to control an addiction without the help of loved ones but I know it can be done or I wouldn’t be writing to you now.
Why do your plans fall through? Are the plans you are making with your family achievable plans or are you setting the bar too high, it is important to achieve goals so maybe you could set the bar lower?
Avoiding casinos at weekend when you visit your family sounds achievable to me – maybe you could write again and let us know how well you did. Church too, has supported many gamblers when they seek to control their addiction, I hope the other church members are friendly and offer positive support to you.
I look forward to reading that you got to GA this Friday and that you return with positive thoughts as a result. Abstinence isn’t recovery D, desire is the niggling voice that has to be silenced and you can do it. I know that you don’t desire to feel as you do now so I hope you will keep posting and join our groups where you will be supported without judgment.
Maybe you could hold off telling your husband a bit longer,; it is always good to share a problem when you have accepted it yourself and turned words into actions.
Well done not giving up on us – keep posting
Velvet

[velvet]

Hello Lostall and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Great News Granny

Congratulations to Brea

[velvet]

Hi Meera
I am sure your post was very difficult for you to write, so well done.
What I hope to do for you is to allay the terrible battles that are raging in your head because you are definitely not responsible for your husband’s addiction and poor behaviour. I think when we are told something horrible (but untrue) about ourselves, over and over again, in the end we can begin to doubt ourselves and that is one way a manipulator wears us down.
I wish I could tell you that your husband will be safe and that he will take control of the demons that beset him but the choice to take control of his life is his and his alone – only he can save himself.
It is easy to say that giving ultimatums is not the right thing to do but when you are in the eye of the storm of addictive behaviour it often seems to be the only alternative on offer. Please don’t beat yourself up for trying something so understandable.
You have supported him by telling him that you could only go on supporting him if he sought help. You gave him the opportunity to change but he refused it.
You have stood by him through some pretty horrendous times and yet you still love him – this is not the behaviour of someone who doesn’t have compassion.
Your husband has made a choice and for the time being has left; I believe you should take this time while he is away following ‘his’ choice to re-find the person that is you, the unique person who deserves to be cared for. Take this time to regain your self-confidence and self-esteem; take this time to see family and friends, to engage in hobbies and activities that you have put on one side while you have been worrying every hour about your husband’s behaviour. Every day set time aside when thoughts of addiction are forbidden, where you can walk in the open air, see nature around you and be glad to be alive because you are not disposable; your life deserves to have joy in it.
I am going to send this now although I would like to say a lot more. I just wanted you to know that you have been heard and understood. You are in my thoughts and I will be here for you as long as you want me to be.
Speak soon and I will post to you again
Velvet

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