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Hello Clare
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page
Read about the friends and Family Online Groups
Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂
We look forward to hearing all about you!
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hello Meme and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi NicNac
I can see that you have read other threads so I am sure you will have noted that I can’t tell you what to do, all decisions have to be yours; you have to decide what is right for you. Having said that I know what it is like to play detective and I know it doesn’t feel right to be constantly doing so – it doesn’t reflect the people we know ourselves to be. When we play detective with a CG we already know deep down that we are probably not going to find something good, so we only end up making ourselves unhappy and changing nothing. Asking an active CG if he has been gambling is going to result in either (a) being told -yes he has gambled which still manages to hurt every time or (b) being told he hasn’t which we don’t believe anyway. Either way the questioner cannot win.
When your boyfriend does take the leap of faith, which we call recovery, you probably won’t know immediately, true recoveries take time to blossom but in time the change of overall behaviour will make it apparent. In other words I think it is good to ask yourself – ‘am I going to keep asking questions that just wear me out and don’t help me’ or ‘am I going to look after myself, enjoy my life without sneaking around’.
Your boyfriend cannot ‘prove’ his honesty until he has made his own choice to stop gambling and live honestly and that won’t happen regardless of how many hours you spend trying to get him to admit something he isn’t ready to admit.I love the sound of an easy-going positive little peach and I hope you will hang on to that person because she obviously is caring and deserves a good life. I can also hear that you are not feeling happy about what his addiction is doing to you and I understand that feeling only too well.
I believe we put our faith in a loved one with a gambling addiction because we believe that in the end our love will conquer all. I do know now, without any cynicism whatsoever, that love is not enough, it cannot conquer all. In my opinion, the loved one who will survive this confusing experience has to put his/her life in the forefront of their minds which is not the way we envisage a loving relationship.
I think it is good to tell a CG when we seek help because it tells them that we are taking their addiction seriously. Does he tell you about his meetings?
I would like to give your post more thought and I will come back to you asap. I have visitors at the moment so it will probably be Saturday but I wanted to get a reply too to you fairly quickly so that you would know you have been heard and understood.
You are stronger than your boyfriend’s addiction NicNac. Well done looking for more support.
VelvetHello Nic Nac and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!