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I hate worrying about things. I know it’s useless but I can’t stop it – so I’m not going to tell you not to worry as that would be hypocritical. However I would take some comfort in that the Dr. isn’t calling you until Tues / Weds. If it was really serious they wouldn’t wait – at least in my experience.
Sorry to hear that your daughter’s ill. Hope she improves soon. Rest and get better.
John, thanks for your post. Like you I thought I could just enjoy my gambling. I could afford it, I wasn’t I debt. I wasn’t hurting anyone – it was just a hobby. But things change – in my case I lost my job. Most people would have savings to fall back on – not me. My relationship ended and I moved to a new area. Instead of making new friends I gambled more. I got into debt, no problem I can afford the repayments. Then a new relationship with someone overseas – expensive travel, want to impress, more and more debt. Then another split, depression, time of work, debts dragging me down.
That was my future from when gambling was fun. I’ve been gambling free for years but am still paying for it.
Only you know if you are addicted or not. I admitted it when I realised I couldn’t stop alone. At that point it was still fun – of course it was … but I knew I HAD to stop.
Either you will reach that realisation then people here can help or you will continue to enjoy gambling. Either way I wish you well.
You say you have managed a month without gambling in the past. That’s more than I could have managed before I decided to get help.
Help is what you need. I had to admit I had a problem, make phone calls, talk to people both friends, (I have no family) and other recovering gamblers. You can join a live group here or keep posting – check if there is GA or another self – help group in your area and go to a meeting. Speak to your doctor about counselling. If you are in the UK to may be able to get counseling through Gamcare.
Try not to carry any more money than you need per day and if you have someone close who can handle your money all the better.
Keep busy. Don’t give yourself time to gamble.
Do you know what your triggers are? If you’ve been gambling free for a month what pulled you back? I’m sure others will also comment on things to help. I wish you well.
I went to GA in the early days of admitting my problem and carried on for several years and got very involved. Then I gambled again and felt that a) GA was part of the problem and b) that there was a lack of support when I needed it most. So I haven’t been to a GA meeting for at least 15 years. I can’t honestly remember when I last gambled on slots but it is problably around 5 years ago – and then it would have been a one-off.
So – GA is not the only way. I tend to recommend that people try it as it is a huge resource out there and some people will definitely benefit from it. But it is not for everyone and I can see that women (and perhaps other minorities) may have trouble making their voices heard. But then it is self-help. It is only self-regulated and is as good as the people who attend can make it.
No critic of GA would get any grief from me – we are all entitled to our opinions. I think this is a situation where you need to be selfish Sherrie. YOUR recovery comes first. It doesn’t matter what other people on here or in GA or elsewhere say or do – you need to put your recovery before anything else.
If leaving here means that you are more likely to gamble – then don’t leave. Don’t leave – keep strong and gamble free.
As for your mum. Family relationships are always the trickiest and I think there is some truth in the idea that most of our psychological problems start from there. Counselling may help. For me – it was my father that ignored me, abandonded me. I still sometimes work on this issue in counselling now – and I’m in my 60s!
Ok enough already – I must get back to clearing. Have a good weekend and speak again soon!
I remember you said you lived in the far north. Serves me right for assuming the UK.
I’m not sure that a counsellor would necessarily have to have experience of gambling to be useful. I would think most would have knowledge of addictions in general and the nuances of our problem is something that you already know about from coming on here.
I think anonymity is important – as is keeping the client counsellor relationship pure – i.e. not contaminating it with friendship, work colleague etc. So you will need to try and find someone who is not already known to you.
Hmmm – so in that case it may be necessary to fall back on things like internet resources, helplines or just good old-fashioned books. It makes me wonder if there is a need for something here on the site – a sort of resource bank which could be accessed by people who are more isolated than most.
Sorry I can’t be more help. Enjoy the concert and being gf and perhaps “speak” next week.
I am a bit surprised that your GP has not referred you for counselling (if that is indeed what you want.) I understand that you can self refer now for free Cognitive Behavioural Therapy on the NHS – (Google self referral to CBT for more info.) but there is likely to be a waiting list. Gamcare could refer you to a counsellor and some charities such as Mind – but I would guess only in the bigger conurbations.
One of the things I tried in the early days was co-counselling where you learn some of the skills of counselling and then work with other people who have also been trained. I’m still involved – but I have now trained as a counsellor as well, though I have not practiced for many years. Again if you google co-counselling core training you will get more details. There is a cost for the course but after that any sessions are free – but you will have to counsel as well as be counselled. Again the training is patchy in the UK. I believe that a shorter version of co-co is being tried in East Angia – but I don’t have details to hand. Get back to me if you are in that part of the world.
Here’s hoping you have a great weekend as well.
Robo-frogs that leap off an i-pad?
Make sure you make time for yourself this weekend and have a good one!
Here’s to 1st of March, April, May etc etc.
Hi Zukka – good that you have posted. I’m not sure that there are any answers to controlled gambling. I know I reached my own rock bottom and I knew that continued gambling was not the answer.
As to mechanisms; keep it simple. No money and no time equals no bets. Cut off access to money as much as you can, ask a family member to handle this for you and give you an allowance for things you really need. Try and keep busy with non-gambling activities and bar yourself from places or websites you use to bet. There are web blockers you can use – others here will know about that.
You will need support especially in the early days. Gambling is a very solitary addiction and I had to learn to talk about it, to work through the shame I felt. Local support groups Gamblers Anonymous or the equivalent in your country – or counselling if you can – or just sharing with a supportive friend. It can be done. I wish you well.
One month gf is a real achievement. Also well done for not giving into temptation. Gambling is a cruel addiction because we see a way out of our financial problems with the big win. But that means gambling again which we cannot do.
Albert Einstein is widely credited with saying, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results” – I think I was mad to considering gambling as the answer. Without gambling life day to day is so much better – I wish you well.
Well done on that – and the nice positive post. I know what you mean about new kitchens.
When I sell my house, I know the people buying it will gut it and then spend loads of money doing it up – all stuff I could have done if I had not been in so much debt. Still they are young and will have time to enjoy it – and I will be free to wander about the place.
Not sure if I will post much in the next few weeks as the house sale gets closer – but I will still look in to see how you are doing.
but have you considered reading through some of the posts on the friends and familys part of the forum – to see things from the “other halfs” point of view.
Maybe you have already – or maybe you don’t think that will help – but it is just a thought!
I’m not sure I find the term CG offensive. I guess I feel that it describes my behaviour but it does not define me. I can say that I am a compulsive gambler but I am much more than that. I feel comfortable with “recovering gambler” – but we are all different.
That is why when I post I try to post about myself – I know my own story and what works for me. I don’t presume to know what will works for others. We are here to support each other in stopping gambling and I don’t mind how others get there – indeed I might learn from them!
Over new year I was with a group of counsellors and talk turned to gambling and other addictions and the need to (and I used the term) challenge people. For me GA isn’t there to just pat people on the back and say – there you just carry on – there has to be some challenge of what people are doing – in my mind at any rate.
One of the other counsellors didn’t like my use of the word challenge and suggested “interruption.” When we see people we care about doing destructive behaviour (like gambling) we can try and interrupt that pattern. So asking them to put barriers in the way, give up money, stop lying, etc. I think these interruptions are easier when it is practical things that can be done – more difficult when dealing with a person’s thinking.
I will miss you in group – you were the first person I met there, but if you feel they are not working for you – so be it. I don’t know what you intend to replace them with, one-to-one maybe? I have tried all sorts of approaches and once I start travelling, intend to try more. I would like to keep in touch somehow.
I’m really sorry to read that you are having a hard time with things at home.
Before you went away I asked what would be the worst that could happen if you told your husband about your gambling and you said, “divorce, losing my job and my Children + all that comes with that. Total downfall in other words.” That hasn’t happened and although no-one can see the future you can work to ensure it doesn’t happen.
I can only change my own behaviour I can’t change the behaviour of others. The problem is that relationships and families run on expected behaviour. Everything ticks along even if there are things going on like addiction and adultery and abuse – things that happen but are lied about or ignored. Then wham … that “something” cannot be ignored any longer – it is out in the open and the relationship / family dynamic must change – and change is often horrible and uncomfortable, especially at the beginning.
It can get better – particularly if both parties want to keep the relationship / family going – but as I say, you can only control what you do.
It sounds like your husband is struggling with change and needs to work out how to deal with it. You can’t make him go for counselling, or read books, or posts on here – he will need to work that out for himself. I think the best you can do is work your own recovery, show him that you are serious about it and have faith that he will come to see that he needs to adjust in order to keep the marriage / family going.
I can’t forsee what the outcome will be (oh that I could!) But the alternative of continued gambling, debt, lies and whatever that would lead to would be a far worse place to be.
Keep strong – you are doing really well at a difficult time and you are not alone here.
Hi Jacko. You may want to ask to get this post transfered to the “my journal” of the site – as that is where most of the stories are and yours may get missed here.
It seems you have already accepted that you have a problem with gambling and you have shared this with your parents. You have also put blocks in the way of further gambling. You now have to change your behaviour to someone who does not gamble. You say you only gamble on tennis games – so I am guessing that tennis is an obvious trigger for you. That is something that you will need to give up. I know that is not what you want to hear – but think of it like being someone who has an allergy to peanuts – you might love them but it is deadly to eat them. It is close to deadly to keep gambling.
You will need to replace the tennis and the gambling in your life with something else that gives you pleasure but does not involve odds in any way. What did you give up for gambling – can you take that back on again. In my case it was music and walking – for you it may be different things.
Getting good support for yourself – posting here regularly, using the groups, counselling, self-help groups like GA will be really helpful in the early days.
Also your parents may want support as well and if they could read and post on the “friends and families” part of the forum – they will find out ways of coping that could help the family dynamic.
Working out what triggers a binge may take time – so don’t feel too disheartened if you are struggling to control your gambling behaviour. Put the effort into being a non-gambler and it will come good for you. I wish you well.