[Steev]

Good to talk to you earlier in group – before I got booted out!

There is the practical things to do. Exclusion is one. Ensuring you have as little money on you as possible at all times. Handing over your finances to a loved one is recommended but that entails them knowing about your problem. Does your family know? It is a big step to tell them and that leads to the next thing – getting support. Getting support is key, few people do it alone. There are groups and the forum here and at Gamcare – GA meetings and website in the UK. You could try counselling through Gamcare or another organisiation or through your GP.

All this will help. You will be triggered to go back – so identify your triggers. Sport is a tricky one as it is so linked to gambling. But your recovery comes first – so if you need to give up your sport for a while … Days out at the weekends sound good – and going back to what you used to do before gambling took hold. As I said – good to talk.

[Steev]

As you know – I think you need to look after yourself and not concern yourself with hubby – AND you never know, when he sees you are serious and the improvement it makes he might change his mind.

But the families and friends night reminded me of a GA Christmas do that we had locally. I wasn’t involved in the booking, but apparently it was done in the name of another organisation and a DJ was booked likewise. So after the buffet the disco started (this was the 90’s) and the DJ after a few songs started offering prizes for people who could name the tune or the artist or so on. Well the consternation that this led to had to be seen to be believed, was it gambling if there was no stake involved – is it ok to take a prize, what if he offers cash later. Meanwhile the DJ is getting more and more upset as no-one is coming up to give him any answers. I couldn’t stop laughing at the predicament – but I got some very stern looks from the older gamblers. In the end it was agreed that a rota of GAMANON members should answer correctly and recieve the prizes – but it took at least 30 minutes to sort out and I thought at one point the DJ would have a heart-attack.

You never know where having the gambling problem is going to lead. I hope you enjoy your meeting.

[Steev]

I’m sorry to hear that your thoughts are consumed by lottery and bingo. I wonder what your thoughts would be if they were not?

I know I used gambling to block out things that I really needed to be dealing with. I still sometimes use alcohol and eating to do the same. (My diet is rubbish at the moment as I go through this house sale – although oddly I seem to be losing weight.)

I know you have been around this site for a while (far longer than I have) but have you thought about having a good one-to-one with someone on here? It sounds to me that you are in a lot of pain. I hope you can find a way of dealing with it.

[Steev]

If reading a post on here can be called listening …

Sean – I could be wrong, but it feels like a tough call to tackle 3 addictions at the same time. If your gambling has already cost you 20K in your short life – it feels like that has to be your priority. I worry that if you couple your gambing and smoking then if you fail to stop smoking you may see that as a reason to continue gambling. I know how the gambler’s mind works – I am one.

I trust that you have read around this site and picked up on the basics that you need to do. Bar yourself from gambling in real life and online. Try to find someone to handle your finances, get good support for yourself and find something to do with your time that does not involve gambling or it’s triggers. If you need to ask more about any of these post again or join one of the groups or “speak” to a live support person.

You are young – you time on your side in terms of recovery and making a new life for yourself. I wish you well.

[Steev]

My rule of thumb is always that the longer doctors take to get hold of you with results etc – the less worried you should be. I know that will possibly come back to haunt me one day – but it has served me well so far.

Last year I had some blood tests and the following day the surgery rang me and said I needed to see a doctor to discuss the results. “Can you come in a 6pm.” Today – I said. Yep. NOW I was worried. I had some hospital tests in the following few days and I got the all clear – it was only a flare up of a pre-existing condition.

I know things will be different in Sweden – but I was feeling more hopeful the more time was dragging on.

Good that you are finally getting the referral for counselling that you were looking for and I hope that all works out well and that you don’t have too long to wait to see someone.

Meanwhile I will look forward to your posts.

[Steev]

Hey less of the degenerate – you are a wonderful person who has had a problem with gambling but has now put that in the past and is dealing with the consequences head on.

I could say I have messed up my life – but when I think about it I started gambling at 16 – it became compulsive probably in my early / mid twenties – I started seeking help in my early 30’s and apart from a few odd occasions and £2 per week on the lottery, I have been gamble free from about 40. So given I’m 62 on Saturday – most of my life has been without gambling. That’s not to say that life hasn’t been messy in other ways – but if I hadn’t done something about my problem life would have been far, far worse.

And that will be true for you too. I have no clue as to how old you are – but I am sure when you look at things in your 60’s when you have been decades gambling free – you will see that, yes it was a difficult time – but it has helped to make you the strong, powerful and resourceful woman you will be.

In short-hand, this is just a snap-shot of a difficult period in your life. Don’t let it define you.

[Steev]

I wonder if you have heard anything yet? I’m hoping that things are good with you and that there are no problems. It would be good to hear from you.

[Steev]

Keep doing what you are doing in terms of looking at the reality of your financial situation. When I was gambling I was blissed out from my finances and only looked at the immediate money I had for my bets – not the bigger picture. It is only when I first stopped that I saw how horrendous things had become.

Also good that you are looking to do something that will fill the void that gambling filled in your life. What did you give up for gambling and can you go back to it? In the early days I felt it was important not to do anything that would be a trigger for me. I felt dancing was safe until I started learning at one club that had a slots machine in the foyer!

Making a new, gamble free life for ourselves is what (in my opinion) our goal is on here. That will look very different for different people – think about what that would mean for you and aim for it. I wish you well.

[Steev]

Hanki itsellesi hyvä tuki hänen käydessään läpi tämän vaikean ajan. Saatat haluta nähdä, onko paikallista GAMANONin kaltaista itsepalveluryhmää, johon voit soittaa tai osallistua – vaikka poikaystäväsi ei osallistu GA: hon. Tekeekö hän mitään riippuvuutensa hoitamiseksi? Psykologiselta kannalta – hänen on nähtävä, ettei hän ole huono ihminen (tai et olisi hänen kanssaan?), Mutta hänen käyttäytymisensä on hallitsematonta. Hänellä ei pitäisi olla määräysvaltaa rahoihin (lukuun ottamatta pieniä määriä päivittäiseen käyttöön), etenkään hänellä ei pitäisi olla pääsyä varoihin, jotka eivät ole hänen omaisuuttaan – yrityksen rahaa tai työntekijöille velkaa jne. Jonkun muun on otettava hallinta haltuunsa hänen taloudestaan jonkin aikaa, eikä hän pidä siitä (kukaan ei halua menettää riippumattomuuttaan), joten se on tehtävä tahdikkaasti – mutta seuraukset, jotka liittyvät yrityksen rahojen pelaamiseen, voivat olla vakavia. Hänen on myönnettävä, että hänellä on uhkapeliongelma. Tämä on ensimmäinen askel tämän sairauden hoidossa. Yritä varmistaa, että hänellä on tiedot, jotta hän voi tehdä tämän päätöksen ja avautua muille – tue häntä tässä, mutta hän päättää tehdä jotain uhkapelinsä suhteen. Siksi tarvitset tukea itsellesi, jotta voit käsitellä mitä tahansa. Toivon sinulle hyvää.

[Steev]

Uzyskaj dobre wsparcie dla siebie, gdy przechodzi przez ten trudny czas. Możesz chcieć zobaczyć, czy istnieje lokalna grupa samopomocy, taka jak GAMANON, do której możesz zadzwonić lub wziąć udział – nawet jeśli twój chłopak nie bierze udziału w AH. Czy robi coś, aby poradzić sobie ze swoim uzależnieniem? Od strony psychologicznej – musi zobaczyć, że nie jest złym człowiekiem (czy nie byłbyś z nim?), ale to jego ZACHOWANIE wymyka się spod kontroli. Nie powinien mieć żadnej kontroli nad pieniędzmi (poza niewielką kwotą do codziennego użytku), w szczególności nie powinien mieć dostępu do funduszy, które nie są jego – pieniędzy firmy lub pieniędzy należnych pracownikom itp. Ktoś inny będzie musiał przejąć kontrolę jego finansów przez jakiś czas i nie spodoba mu się to (nikt nie lubi utraty niezależności), więc trzeba to zrobić taktownie – ale konsekwencje wykorzystania pieniędzy firmy do gry mogą być poważne. Będzie musiał przyznać, że ma problem z hazardem. To pierwszy krok w walce z tą chorobą. Postaraj się upewnić, że ma informacje, aby podjąć taką decyzję i otworzyć się na innych – wesprzyj go w tym, ale decyzja o zrobieniu czegoś z jego hazardem należy do niego. Dlatego będziesz potrzebował wsparcia, aby poradzić sobie z tym, co się pojawi. Dobrze ci życzę.

[Steev]

Sulaukite gero palaikymo sau, kai jis išgyvena šį sunkų laikotarpį. Galbūt norėsite sužinoti, ar yra savitarpio pagalbos grupė, tokia kaip GAMANON, kuriai galite paskambinti ar dalyvauti – net jei jūsų vaikinas nedalyvauja GA. Ar jis daro ką nors, kad susidorotų su savo priklausomybe? Žvelgiant iš psichologinės pusės – jam reikia pamatyti, kad jis nėra blogas žmogus (ar jūs nebūtumėte su juo?), Bet nekontroliuojamas jo ELGIMAS. Jis neturėtų kontroliuoti pinigų (išskyrus nedidelę sumą kasdieniam naudojimui), ypač jis neturėtų turėti prieigos prie lėšų, kurios nėra jo – įmonės pinigai ar pinigai darbuotojams ir pan. Kažkas kitas turės perimti kontrolę savo finansų kurį laiką ir jam tai nepatiks (niekam nepatinka prarasti nepriklausomybę), todėl tai reikės padaryti taktiškai, tačiau įmonės pinigų panaudojimo lošimui pasekmės gali būti sunkios. Jis turės pripažinti, kad turi lošimo problemų. Tai pirmas žingsnis kovojant su šia liga. Pasistenkite ir įsitikinkite, kad jis turi informacijos, kad galėtų nuspręsti tai padaryti ir atsiverti kitiems – palaikykite jį šiuo klausimu, tačiau sprendimas ką nors padaryti dėl jo lošimo priklauso nuo jo. Štai kodėl jums reikės pagalbos, kad galėtumėte susidoroti su viskuo, kas išeina. Linkiu tau sekmės.

[Steev]

Get good support for yourself as he goes through this difficult time. You might wish to see if there is a self help group like GAMANON locally which you can call or attend – even if your boyfriend doesn’t take part in GA.

Is he doing anything to deal with his addiction? From the psychological side – he needs to see that he is not a bad person (or you wouldn’t be with him?) but it is his BEHAVIOUR which is out of control. He should not have any control of money (apart from a small amount for day to day use) in particular he should not have access to funds that are not his – company money or money owed to employees etc. Someone else will have to take control of his finances for a while and he will not like that (no-one likes losing their independence) so it will need to be done tactfully – but the consequences of using company money to gamble with could be severe.

He will need to admit to having a gambling problem. That is the first step in dealing with this illness. Try and ensure that he has the information in order to make the decision to do this and to open up to others – support him in this , but the decision to do something about his gambling rests with him. That is why you will need support yourself in order to deal with whatever comes out. I wish you well.

[Steev]

Få god støtte for deg selv når han går gjennom denne vanskelige tiden. Du vil kanskje se om det er en selvhjelpsgruppe som GAMANON lokalt som du kan ringe eller delta på – selv om kjæresten din ikke deltar i GA. Gjør han noe for å håndtere sin avhengighet? Fra den psykologiske siden – han må se at han ikke er en dårlig person (eller du ikke ville være sammen med ham?), Men det er hans OPFØRELSE som er ute av kontroll. Han skal ikke ha kontroll over penger (bortsett fra et lite beløp for daglig bruk), spesielt skal han ikke ha tilgang til midler som ikke er hans – selskapets penger eller penger til ansatte osv. Noen andre må ta kontroll av økonomien en stund, og han vil ikke like det (ingen liker å miste sin uavhengighet), så det må gjøres taktfullt – men konsekvensene av å bruke selskapspenger til å spille med kan være alvorlige. Han må innrømme at han har et spillproblem. Det er det første trinnet i behandlingen av denne sykdommen. Prøv å sørge for at han har informasjonen for å ta avgjørelsen om å gjøre dette og åpne seg for andre – støtte ham i dette, men beslutningen om å gjøre noe med pengespillet sitt hviler på ham. Det er derfor du trenger støtte selv for å håndtere det som kommer ut. Jeg ønsker deg vell.

[Steev]

그가 이 어려운 시기를 겪고 있는 동안 자신을 위해 좋은 지원을 받으세요. 남자 친구가 GA에 참여하지 않더라도 전화하거나 참석할 수 있는 GAMANON과 같은 자조 그룹이 지역에 있는지 확인하고 싶을 수 있습니다. 그는 자신의 중독에 대처하기 위해 뭔가를 하고 있습니까? 심리적인 측면에서 그는 자신이 나쁜 사람이 아니라는 것을 알 필요가 있습니다(아니면 당신이 그와 함께하지 않을 것입니까?). 그러나 통제할 수 없는 것은 그의 행동입니다. 그는 돈을 통제해서는 안 됩니다(일상 사용을 위한 소액 제외). 특히 회사 돈이나 직원에게 빚진 돈 등 자신이 아닌 자금에 액세스할 수 없어야 합니다. 다른 사람이 통제해야 합니다. 그는 잠시 동안 자신의 재정 상태를 유지하고 그것을 좋아하지 않을 것이므로(아무도 독립성을 잃는 것을 좋아하지 않음) 재치 있게 처리해야 합니다. 그러나 회사 자금을 도박에 사용하는 경우의 결과는 심각할 수 있습니다. 그는 도박 문제가 있음을 인정해야 합니다. 그것이 이 질병을 치료하는 첫 번째 단계입니다. 그가 이것을 하기로 결정하고 다른 사람들에게 마음을 열 수 있도록 정보를 가지고 있는지 확인하십시오. 이 일에서 그를 지원하십시오. 그러나 그의 도박에 대해 무언가를 하는 결정은 그에게 달려 있습니다. 그렇기 때문에 어떤 결과가 나오든 처리하려면 스스로 지원이 필요합니다. 잘 부탁드립니다.

[Steev]

اپنے لیے اچھی مدد حاصل کریں کیونکہ وہ اس مشکل وقت سے گزر رہا ہے۔ آپ یہ دیکھنا چاہیں گے کہ آیا مقامی طور پر GAMANON جیسا کوئی سیلف ہیلپ گروپ ہے جسے آپ کال کر سکتے ہیں یا شرکت کر سکتے ہیں – چاہے آپ کا بوائے فرینڈ GA میں حصہ نہ لے۔ کیا وہ اپنی لت سے نمٹنے کے لیے کچھ کر رہا ہے؟ نفسیاتی پہلو سے – اسے یہ دیکھنے کی ضرورت ہے کہ وہ برا شخص نہیں ہے (یا آپ اس کے ساتھ نہیں ہوں گے؟) لیکن یہ اس کا رویہ ہے جو قابو سے باہر ہے۔ اس کے پاس پیسے کا کوئی کنٹرول نہیں ہونا چاہیے (روزانہ کے استعمال کے لیے ایک چھوٹی سی رقم کے علاوہ) خاص طور پر اسے اس فنڈز تک رسائی حاصل نہیں ہونی چاہیے جو اس کے نہیں ہے – کمپنی کا پیسہ یا ملازمین کا واجب الادا پیسہ وغیرہ کسی اور کو کنٹرول کرنا پڑے گا تھوڑی دیر کے لیے اس کے مالی معاملات اور وہ اسے پسند نہیں کرے گا (کوئی بھی اپنی آزادی کھونا پسند نہیں کرتا) لہذا اسے تدبیر سے کرنے کی ضرورت ہوگی – لیکن کمپنی کے پیسے کو جوئے کے لیے استعمال کرنے کے نتائج سنگین ہوسکتے ہیں۔ اسے جوئے کا مسئلہ ہونے کا اعتراف کرنا پڑے گا۔ یہ اس بیماری سے نمٹنے کا پہلا قدم ہے۔ کوشش کریں اور اس بات کو یقینی بنائیں کہ اس کے پاس معلومات ہیں تاکہ ایسا کرنے کا فیصلہ کریں اور دوسروں کے سامنے کھولیں – اس میں اس کی مدد کریں ، لیکن اس کے جوئے کے بارے میں کچھ کرنے کا فیصلہ اس کے ساتھ ہے۔ یہی وجہ ہے کہ جو کچھ بھی سامنے آئے اس سے نمٹنے کے لیے آپ کو اپنے آپ کی مدد کی ضرورت ہوگی۔ میں آپ کی خیریت چاہتا ہوں۔

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