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Hi Chris Powerlessness over gambling, which is what you describe in your post, is a truly desperate and desolate place. Suicide often seems an attractive solution and is very much a measure of your current low. The truth is it can get worse, and often does, and can mean jail or institutionalisation.
One sure thing is that if you stop, it can’t get any worse. This does not mean they will suddenly get better but they shouldn’t get worse and in time they usually get better.
Stopping and staying stopped is our bugbear. I can understand your sense of elation at being stopped for one hour. I genuinely understand just how you feel …. I found it virtually impossible not to gamble when I could access money. So things like withdrawal limits on ATM machines were a blessing in disguise for me. But I was back at it the next day when I could draw out more money. I should add by means of an explanation that most of my gambling was done prior to the full blown use of the internet for gambling.
Stopping is the issue. I genuinely recommend getting to a GA or equivalent meeting. You will draw reassurance from listening to people sharing their misfortunes. You will draw hope from hearing how people have stopped and turned around their lives. You’ll also benefit from hearing less fortunate people who have stopped and gone back at it and stopped again and gone back at it and stopped again and again ….
I found meetings really helpful and have little doubt they made the difference for me. It’s difficult to explain but I don’t think you can stop on your own. We need help and support. Plus it works.
Good luck and I hope you can convert your hours into days, your days into weeks, your weeks into months and those into years. Let me assure this can be done.
I can understand why your inability to control your gambling might make you feel suicidal. Where gambling has brought you is, as I recall from my own experience, a truly lonely place – death can seem attractive compared to some of the other options ahead of you such as continuing to gamble and risking jail or the asylum.
You could also treat this journey as resulting from the gift of desperation. It’s doubtful whether you would be here seeking advice if you weren’t truly desperate. It’s my own personal experience that people like you and I need to experience absolute desperation before we can take any action to try to stop the process of total disintegration that accompanies compulsive gambling.
Please get to one of the various support groups that exist to help compulsive gamblers. I used Gamblers Anonymous and it’s a simple matter of walking in – no paperwork needed. You can find where your nearest meeting is online or by phoning their help line. Just go as an act if faith and of belief in yourself. Go with an open mind and the belief that you are worth a few hours of this support.
I found it a huge relief to meet my fellow travellers who understood what it is like to blow all your money, to steal from others, to borrow without any intention of repaying, to switch off from life in order to gamble. These guys talked about it including the guy who talked about his self-loathing about ‘taking’ money from his dead mother’s purse while she lay dead in her bed. As a class of people there is little we compulsive gamblers won’t stoop to in order to fund our addiction.
On the bright side, some sixteen years since my last gamble, I completed a two year employment contract today and got a two month completion bonus, a fresh two year contract starting from next month with a signing on bonus and a range of great benefits – return flights to the UK for my wife and two kids that I never had when I first showed at GA, health insurance, free schooling etc. My new boss told me she liked my ‘can do’ attitude!
I say this to assure you that there is hope for you and that I know of one certainty: your life will not get any worse if you don’t gamble.
You are not alone. Get to that meeting!
Goed gedaan DE, wegversperringen zijn essentieel in het begin en het punt is dit … het wordt steeds beter. Laat me je verzekeren dat het beste nog moet komen, voor mij en voor jou! Prachtig!
Bravo DE, les barrages routiers sont indispensables au début et le truc c'est que ça ne cesse de s'améliorer. Laissez-moi vous assurer que le meilleur reste à venir, pour moi et pour vous ! Formidable!
Ben fatto DE, i blocchi stradali sono essenziali all'inizio e il fatto è questo… continua a migliorare. Vi assicuro che il meglio deve ancora venire, per me e per voi! Meraviglioso!
Well done DE, roadblocks are essential at the beginning and the thing is this … it keeps on getting better. Let me assure you, the best is yet to come, for me and for you! Wonderful!
Godt gjort DE, veisperringer er viktige i begynnelsen, og tingen er dette … det blir stadig bedre. La meg forsikre deg om at det beste er ennå, for meg og for deg! Herlig!
Молодець, DE, перешкоди на початку є важливими, і справа в тому, що … це стає все краще. Запевняю вас, найкраще ще попереду, для мене і для вас! Чудово!
Hästi tehtud DE, teetõkked on alguses hädavajalikud ja asi on selles … see läheb aina paremaks. Lubage mul teile kinnitada, parim on veel ees, minu ja teie jaoks! Imeline!
Jól tett DE, az akadályok elengedhetetlenek az elején, és ez a helyzet … ez folyamatosan javul. Biztosíthatlak benneteket, a legjobb még hátravan, számomra és értetek! Csodálatos!
Bravo DE, prepreke na cesti bitne su na početku i stvar je u tome … nastavlja se biti sve bolji. Uvjeravam vas, najbolje tek dolazi, za mene i za vas! Predivno!
Bravo darkenergy0138, nadam se da ćeš i dalje piti duboko od radosti što nisi izmakao kontroli. Ali ne zaboravite da su vam bile potrebne godine da dođete ovamo pa vjerojatno nećete doći do rješenja u pregršt dana; Odnos od 30 dana do šest godina. Netko mi je znao reći još u prvim danima: hej Portnoy, sada si prestao kockati, postoje tri situacije kada si opet najugroženiji od kockanja: prvo kad si stvarno sretan, drugo kad si stvarno pao …. i na moje pitanje koja je treća situacija odgovorio je bilo koji put između uspona i padova. Znam za jednog pojedinca koji se nakon 22 godine vratio na akciju: vratio se na sastanak Glavne skupštine prepun samosažaljenja, a stolica mu je besmisleno rekla da je njegov problem što je počeo brojati godine, a ne dana i podsjetili su ga da bi trebao ostati cijeli sastanak, a ne da se, kao što mu je to uobičajeno, odmaknuo na pola puta! Nema brzog rješavanja ovog ludila. Radite to svakodnevno i budite zahvalni na svakom razdoblju od 24 sata koje možete ostvariti bez kockanja. Sretno.
Браво darkenergy0138, надявам се да продължиш да пиеш дълбоко от радостта да не излезеш извън контрол. Но не забравяйте, че са ви отнели години, за да стигнете дотук, така че е малко вероятно да стигнете до решение след няколко дни; 30 дни до шест години нещо като съотношение. Някой ми казваше още в ранните дни: Здравей Портной сега, когато си спрял да играеш, има три ситуации, в които си най -уязвим към хазарта отново: първо, когато си наистина щастлив, второ, когато наистина си потънал …. и когато попитах каква е третата ситуация, той отговори друг път между върховете и спадовете. Познавам един индидуал, който се върна за повече действия след 22 години: той се върна на среща на Генерална Асамблея, изпълнена със самосъжаление, и от стола му беше казано безцеремонно, че проблемът му е, че е започнал да брои годините, а не дни и му беше напомнено, че трябва да остане за цялата среща, а не, както му беше навик, да се наклони на почивката по средата! Няма бърза корекция на тази лудост. Работете ежедневно и бъдете благодарни за всеки период от 24 часа, който можете да постигнете без хазарт. Късмет.
Bravo darkenergy0138, sper să continuați să beți profund din bucuria de a nu fi scăpat de sub control. Dar nu uita că ți-a luat ani să ajungi aici, așa că este puțin probabil să ajungi la o soluție în câteva zile; 30 de zile până la șase ani un fel de raport. Cineva îmi spunea în primele zile: hei, Portnoy, acum ai încetat jocurile de noroc, există trei situații în care ești din nou cel mai vulnerabil la jocuri de noroc: în primul rând când ești cu adevărat fericit, în al doilea rând când ești cu adevărat în jos … și când am întrebat care este cea de-a treia situație, el mi-a răspuns în orice altă perioadă între maxime și minime. Știu despre un individ care s-a retras pentru mai multe acțiuni după 22 de ani: a revenit la o întâlnire GA plină de autocompătimire și de către președinte i s-a spus neceremonial că problema lui a fost că a început să numere anii și nu zile și i s-a reamintit că ar trebui să stea toată întrunirea și nu, așa cum era obișnuitul său, să plece la pauză la jumătatea drumului! Nu există o soluție rapidă la această nebunie. Lucrați zilnic și fiți recunoscători pentru orice perioadă de 24 de ore pe care o puteți realiza fără jocuri de noroc. Mult noroc.
Well done darkenergy0138,I hope you continue to drink deeply from the joy of not being out of control. But don’t forget that it took you years to get here so you are unlikely to arrive at a solution in a handful of days ; 30 days to six years sort of ratio thing. Someone used to say to me back in the early days: hey Portnoy now you have stopped gambling there are three situations when you are most vulnerable to gambling again: firstly when you are really happy, secondly when you are really down …. and when I asked what is the third situation he replied any other time in between the highs and the lows.
I know of one indivdual who went back out for more action after 22 years: he came back to a GA meeting brimming over with self-pity and he was told unceremoniously by the chair that his problem was he had started counting the years and not the days and he was reminded that he should stay for the whole meeting and not, as was his habit, to slope off at the half way break!
There is no quick fix to this insanity. Work it on a daily basis and be grateful for any period of 24 hours you can achieve
without gambling. Good luck.