[barry1973]

Ok, so I’m finally doing this. It feels quite self-indulgent for me to post when the problem is of my own making, and I feel should be essentially under my control.
With that out of the way, here is my story.
I arrived in Australia 10 years ago in October, having never had a problem with gambling worse than a few pounds in the fruit machines whilst in the UK. I always had a fascination with the flashing lights but never to this extent.
On my second month in Australia a friend took me into a TAB to bet on the Melbourne cup, the biggest race of the year in Australia. I won, and the rest that followed over the next 10 years has seen me sink into a depression I could never have foreseen. I now gamble large chunks of my pay away while being extremely miserly around paying for all bills etc that my partner and I should share. My priorities towards money have become so painfully distorted that if my conscience around it would let me I have no doubt I would be mortified. I just don’t care anymore. I have our first baby on the way in 6 months, and the thought of being in the same category as the people on the posters that take food from their families mouth is a worry. If I contradict myself on here it is due to the speed I am writing and thinking just to avoid scrapping the idea of this post and hitting delete as I have done many times. I have recently started seeing a counsellor around this problem but his philosophy is to explore what I am gambling to get away from and it doesn’t seem to be helping much at the moment. I used this site about 5 years ago, and managed 76 days clean, which was wonderful.I have the ability to focus at times to save for overseas trips, and have never stolen, missed payments or anything similar due to my addiction. Part of me has always thought of this as meaning I am not a full-blown addict, but I think I need to reconsider now. I tried to attend GA a few months ago, but didn’t manage to go in. I intend to try and go this Thursday.
Thanks in anticipation for any messages of support I may receive.
Baz

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