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Hello, Gambling Therapy fellow degenerate compulsive gamblers! I have battled gambling addiction for 7-yrs. Very intermittent until the last 3.5 years. I am 40-plus, male, and single. I have a 22yr. old son. I have been sober from alcohol and drugs for over 20-years, although I have not been active in “recovery” for at least 12-15. To be honest, even though I got sober in AA, I absolutely have major problems with 12-step groups. I have been to a few G.A. meetings, and I find them to be counterproductive.
I am an addict, pure and simple. I have struggled with addiction in various forms since I was 14-years old. I have been to AA, GA, drug and alcohol in-patient treatment, drug and alcohol out-patient treatment, one on one therapy for anger management, and personal issues, and taken part in a gambling therapy study. The one on one gambling therapy was probably the single most helpful tool that enabled me to go stretches without gambling and have hope.
I have an active mind, and need to keep it occupied. When I am mentally engrossed with creative outlets, the problem seems to just go away..to the neutral corner if you will. 5-years ago, I ended a 5-year relationship, and tried to work a normal job instead of pursuing my career of acting. (Another form of gambling, ha!) And I just checked out of life. Well, now I want to check back in!
I have a hard time with accepting my addiction to gambling. It took me 3-years of failed attempts to finally quit drinking. I have been trying to quit gambling for about 4-years. I made it 11-mos., then 4-mos. then 3,etc. The worst part for me is the knowledge that my drives and motivations have been usurped by an endless quest to chase my losses, about 33-K American dollars.
When I’m off gambling, the condition takes other forms, like “what can I get away with at work?” or “how late can I be and not be too late?”, or “can I park here and not get a ticket?” Speaking of which, I got an $87 parking ticket on 3-21-11. and then zoomed off to gamble to “get it back”. I was up $1700, which of course I gave back plus another $1000. I seriously gave it back in 10-minutes. Two night previously, I gave back $1400 on a single hand. Why? Why didn’t I stop? Why, why, why, why, why????!!!
B/c in my mind, I’m always chasing that 33-K. And $1700 is not enough.. I have to win more, more, more! I was driving home in a California rainstorm, and just filled with self-loathing, and regret. I called my son, and had a nice talk, (while driving, which is not great idea either). I was honest with him that I was struggling with this problem again, b/c I want to be real with him. I have many regrets about my job as a father, not due to gambling but due to anger management issues, and intolerance, and impatience. I wasn’t a terrible father, did a lot right, but also an awful lot wrong. I know that I’m a deeply flawed human being. My son and I have a good relationship despite my flaws. Talking to him and feeling encouraged has motivated me again to move on with my life.
I am still very youthful, and have a lot of energy. I know my life is half over, and each day is important. My dad died a year ago, and my mom may not be around much longer as well. I was not close to either, our family is a bit of a unique mess, but anyway, I want the rest of my life to be rewarding, and for this to happen, I simply have to STOP GAMBLING.
Well I guess I had a lot to say! Thanks anyone for reading. I wish all of you the best as we battle this ridiculous disorder. And it is ridiculous, absurd, and heartbreaking. But despite it all, I am an optimist, and I believe we all can change for the better, or grow spiritually if you like that terminology.

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