[soulful]

Hello everyone.
Its has been 2months since i have been on this website, thankyou to everyone who has lifted my spirits and touched my heart:)
It has been an interesting journey so far and Ive met lovely people here along the way who genuinely care.
i came on here because of the support i needed to stop gambling. I will say that I am still gambling, not as aggressivelly though.
This doesnt mean i never want to stop, but i dont feel right now I want to.
This doesnt mean i never will, but right now i am learning so much about myself that i just know that the addiction will only hold as much power over me as i allow it to. But i need to keep learning. My health issues have really prevented me from stopping this addiciton.
and until they are managed i dnt want to try and manage such a BIG ADDICTION>> my energy will not allow it at this stage. And i will listen to my intuition about this one. its been pretty acurate.
I know how gambling serves me and I know how it doesnt.
When i moved out of home i stopped gambling.. why? Well i believe i had a more purposeful life, one where i learnt to survive on my own, had privacy, and had a peaceful environment to come home to..I looked forward to my life, rather than backward,
Right now there has been a shift in my current living home with my family etc, they are becoming less aggressive, i feel its because i got a job, or maybe my prayers..
This is very important to me..more so than stopping gambling.
I have been investing so much energy to stop gambling..and it has served me nothing..nope.. i msut stop..step back and re evaluate everything.
This is a good thing and when i do move out it will be right, and peaceful. and I wont be carrying any negative toxic energy in my body when i move homes.
For me it seems, that dealing with the issues around why i gamble whethere there financial, social, emotional etc are more significant then LABELLING gambling as a horrible addiction and creating a FEAR around the the whole thing.
Its jsut made things worse..Ive hidden moeny but gon eoff to borrow it fromothers..so the barriers have not served much..I am onbviously not ready to STOP..gambling that has been giving me all the energy i have needed to survive all these years through my depression anxiety and chronic pain if thats what the docotrs want to call it. and as my counsellor said its better than u having committed suicide ..so it has although made me broke..and powerless..it has saved my life.
I will be honest i like playing the poker machines, there fun to a degree..there is hope for healing. I am seeing my counsellor on tuesday and i will share my thoughts with her,
Right now i will do my best to keep learning growing and understanding not just gambling but my own issues about power and happiness. That is key. If i choose to still gamble here and there thats okay, if i slip once in a while that okay. The main thing is i still have important people and important lessons in my life to fulfil and be the best i can be.
Plenty more to say..but i have decided to say the truth today that i still like gamlbimg and i will still paly sometimes because right now, in my situation it is serving me rather than not,
Plenty more updates to come.
Love
Soulful
Honouring the truth about me.
 

[Author]

Posts