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Hi Cornish Lass
When everything you have tried hasn’t worked, it is time to try something different.
This forum will hold your journal – it is a place to come and look and see your progress, a place where others will cheer you on, a place where you are understood, a place where you can be honest.
Use your past for reference only, you can’t change yesterday but you can control what you do today. I wouldn’t be writing to you if I thought you couldn’t do it. Just for today keep breathing without pressing a button because you can.
You have made a good a start towards doing something different by joining this forum, now what else can you do?
Well done writing your first post – keep posting
VelvetHello Cornish Lass and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hello Sharynhand thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi Pot Noodle
Please start your own thread. There is so much I want to say to you but it isn’t fair to use someone else’s thread.
Your post must have taken a lot out of you so please copy and paste it in a new thread rather than writing it again,
I didn’t notice any rambling; I found your post clear and understandable.
Speak soon
VelvetHi Aellis
If you return to this thread, I hope you will start your own thread. The support here is unique to the member who seeks help. When nothing you are doing seems to work it is good to try something different. Starting a thread here could be that difference.
I hope I can welcome you soon.
Velvet
Hi Sunny It was great to read your update and to hear that things are progressing. Retaking your life is a slow process, as is controlling an addiction but true recoveries have to start somewhere and you are making a good start.
When a loved one is feeling pain it is so easy to slip into sharing that pain but in doing so the pain can become overwhelming. I think we become creatures of our own making, anxious, distrusting, and depressed. The compulsive gambler who feels all of those things, as a result of addiction, is then living with someone in the same pit of despair and neither can see the light.
Staying positive in the face of an addiction is incredibly difficult but by standing steadfast, rather than ‘joining in the pain’, F&F can be the rock for the CG to cling to when the going gets tough.
I fully understand why F&F get reduced to blubbering wrecks having been such a person but it did nothing to alleviate the misery of my life or the misery of the gambler I love.
I can hear you are doing well, managing the finances and focussing on yourself.
Well done, keep posting
Velvet
Hi Blue
In my opinion, a united front is best when a family deals with an addiction. If your dad is fit enough then maybe he should be the one you should talk to first – it is possible that he unwittingly enables your mother because he doesn’t know what else to do. I suspect he knows there is something very wrong – maybe now her problem has a name you can deal with it together.
The reality of this addiction in someone you love is indeed very painful and unfortunately unless your mother wants to stop gambling there is little if anything you can do that will make her stop. It is good to not enable her by giving her cash and/or clearing her gambling debts, which is the same as giving an alcoholic a drink. It isn’t the money your mother craves it is the gamble and money is merely the tool she needs to indulge her addiction. If a person with a gambling addiction wants to stop then offering to handle their finances is a good step forward. You and your father would do well to protect your finances in accounts to which she has no access.
Gentleness is the best way forward to avoid your mother feeling threatened. You now know that she didn’t ask for her addiction and she certainly doesn’t want it – but you are in possession of knowledge she does not have and wouldn’t understand at this stage – you are therefore much stronger than her addiction.
I believe that the best place to start is when she is either calm or seemingly very lost and not ready for a fight. It is important that you and your dad remain calm although I know from experience how hard this is. Your mum does not want to hurt you or your dad but she is controlled by something that for now is out of her power. I think it is important to let her know you love her and that there is really good support for her if she wants it. Our Helpline is one-to-one and anonymous so she has nothing to lose by contacting it. Our ‘My Journal’ forum would welcome her and she would be very welcome to join our CG groups – nothing and I mean absolutely nothing will surprise those she communicates with and there is no judgement.
So pick your time but make sure ‘you’ are ready because you matter. You have had quite enough suffering so it is important that you take care of yourself.
I look forward to hearing from you. You are in my thoughts
VelvetHi Blue
Well done starting your thread.
I was about to close down for the night when I saw your first post and I just wanted to say that I had heard you and will write to you again shortly.
In the meantime I hope the following will help, it is a coping method that has been successfully used by many F&F at the beginning.
Imagine your mother’s addiction is a malevolent beast in the corner of the room. When you try and speak to her about her addiction, the beast leaves the corner to come between you and distort your words. When you seek to thwart the addiction beast (by maybe suggesting it is not good for her), it takes control of the conversation, probably turning it into an argument
The addiction beast will have taken away your mother’s self-confidence and self-esteem so she may react by trying to manipulate, demoralise and blame you – but because you are not controlled by addiction you are stronger.
In my opinion, you would be wasting valuable energy trying to get your mother to admit something she is not willing to admit. I believe that it is better to gently talk about things that are not gambling related, things that are good in life, things you care about and hopes that ‘you’ have. I cannot tell you what to do because all decisions must be yours but maybe you could tell her that you have sought support for yourself because you are worried about her and then listen to what she has to say – hopefully it will make it harder for her to start an argument that has no point apart from making you feel less in control.
I know this all sounds quite negative but the positive side is that it removes you from the centre of the addiction giving you time and energy to look after you and I cannot begin to tell you how important it is to look after yourself first and that by doing so, you will become stronger.
You are at the beginning of a really difficult learning curve but you can do it. There is so much more to tell you but I will leave it there for now.
VelvetHello Kalpesh and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!