[velvet]

Hi IDI
I suspect the wrong escape chose you, I don’t believe you chose the wrong escape.
I am sure that we all had our dreams when we were young but for many of us the reality, when it set in, was not of our choosing. If we are granted the power to wake up, however, we can leave the past behind because no matter what happened in our yesterdays, only today matters.
How brilliant it is to read that today you are choosing you. You deserve a better future and I wish you well.
Velvet

[velvet]

Hei IDI Jeg mistenker at feil flukt valgte deg, jeg tror ikke du valgte feil flukt. Jeg er sikker på at vi alle hadde drømmene våre da vi var unge, men for mange av oss var virkeligheten, da den begynte, ikke av vårt valg. Hvis vi får makt til å våkne, kan vi imidlertid legge fortiden bak, for uansett hva som skjedde i gårsdagene, er det bare i dag som betyr noe. Så strålende det er å lese at du i dag velger deg. Du fortjener en bedre fremtid, og jeg ønsker deg lykke til. Fløyel

[velvet]

Salut IDI, je soupçonne que la mauvaise évasion vous a choisi, je ne crois pas que vous ayez choisi la mauvaise évasion. Je suis sûr que nous avons tous eu nos rêves quand nous étions jeunes, mais pour beaucoup d'entre nous, la réalité, lorsqu'elle s'est installée, n'était pas de notre choix. Si on nous accorde le pouvoir de nous réveiller, cependant, nous pouvons laisser le passé derrière nous, car peu importe ce qui s'est passé dans nos hier, seul le présent compte. Comme c'est génial de lire qu'aujourd'hui vous vous choisissez. Vous méritez un avenir meilleur et je vous souhaite bonne chance. Velours

[velvet]

Hallo IDI, ik vermoed dat de verkeerde ontsnapping jou heeft gekozen, ik geloof niet dat je de verkeerde ontsnapping hebt gekozen. Ik weet zeker dat we allemaal onze dromen hadden toen we jong waren, maar voor velen van ons was de realiteit, toen die begon, niet onze keuze. Als we echter de kracht krijgen om wakker te worden, kunnen we het verleden achter ons laten, want wat er ook gebeurde in het verleden, alleen vandaag doet ertoe. Wat geweldig om te lezen dat je vandaag voor jezelf kiest. Je verdient een betere toekomst en ik wens je het allerbeste. Fluweel

[velvet]

Здравейте IDI Подозирам, че грешното бягство е избрало вас, не вярвам, че сте избрали грешното бягство. Сигурен съм, че всички сме имали мечтите си, когато бяхме млади, но за много от нас реалността, когато се появи, не беше по наш избор. Ако ни бъде предоставена силата да се събудим обаче, можем да оставим миналото зад гърба си, защото каквото и да се случи вчера, само днес има значение. Колко блестящо е да прочетеш, че днес избираш теб. Заслужаваш по -добро бъдеще и ти желая добро. Кадифе

[velvet]

Dear Momo

I have been thinking about you so much since I read your latest post.

You have taken the initiative and applied for and received, an interview for a job because you are ready to move on – that to me is a woman with strength and I applaud you. I hope the interview went well but regardless of the result, I believe, you are doing what is right for you and right for your children.

I love to read that you have friends who got together and helped you at Christmas –you must be very special to have such friends.

I think that maybe it is best just to accept that this man is not willing to let you move on for whatever reason. Trying to make sense of his senseless behaviour will wear you out; you will probably never get an answer, so conserve your energy for yourself, your children and the future you all deserve.

Hold your head up every day and know that ‘you’ can change things, that you are stronger than his addiction – that he cannot break you unless you allow him to do so.

I hope the following link will lead you to some ‘on the ground’ support. I am constantly aware that I cannot advise you on legal matters –

https://www.smartrecoveryillinois.org/family-friends

I will leave this post, for now, with the Serenity Prayer, said at the close of all Gam-Anon meetings; it joins those of us who have been affected by the addiction to gamble together, whilst reminding us that we have the ability and power to make a difference –

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change

Courage to change the things I can

And Wisdom to know the difference.

Have courage Momo, I look forward to the day when you ‘will’ join me as you declare, – ‘Wow, this wonderful gamble-free life is my new reality and I did it.

As Ever

Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Kat
You have stood by your husband, afraid to dream the impossible dream that he could control his addiction. Slowly it looked like the dream was becoming a reality when your husband forgot to take his medication and suddenly you are back walking on eggshells. I would think that you are right, imbalances were to be expected but I am not surprised that have been concerned when your husband went cold turkey for a week.
What made you revert to the old habits of watching him and tip-toeing around him? Did you see old behaviour? Is he still getting support from his GA group?
What other couples might see as normal ups-and-downs in their relationship, gamblers and those who love them see blips as relapses where old fears spring up like weeds and threaten to choke recovery. In early recoveries it is, sadly, too easy to lose trust.
How good did life get in the last 218 days, did you have good times, did you relax? The handful of times he recognised what he had done to you Kat, are pure gold, they point towards a man who is self-examining himself and seeing the wreckage caused by his behaviour – not an easy thing to do.
Gamblers do struggle with complacency in an early recovery and they do have to pull themselves back on track when it grips them but I don’t think it was complacency that has caused you to feel as you do – I think you had relaxed and it is great that you did. Hopefully your husband will get back on an even keel now and you can find your relaxed self again.
Please speak again soon
As Ever
Velvet

[velvet]

Hello Little Sys
I understand why you want your brother to be responsible and tell your parents, however, in my opinion, the fact that he has asked you to tell them is good. Your parents have unwittingly enabled him and maybe now they can seek support, as you are doing, for themselves. Understanding your brother’s addiction is not easy but understanding that his addiction is not his fault, or their fault, or anybody else’s fault will perhaps help. I think that maybe it is good that you have the initial conversation with them so that you can gently prepare them for what is probably going to be a terrible shock, they may well feel unnecessary guilt. It is important that they stop enabling your brother but in my view this is best said with kindness and understanding rather than in anger. Anger is understandable but it does not help anybody is this situation.
Are your parents in Romania or the US?
Obviously, video and texting are not the best methods of communication, but it is important to keep communication with him open.
Your brother, sadly, owns an addiction that destroys self-confidence and self-esteem whilst offering him only failure, depression and misery. It is no wonder, I think, that he has a problem communicating his feelings.
I think the best thing you can do for your brother is to keep listening and perhaps let him know where he can get further support. We have a terrific Helpline on this site and we offer great facilitated, gambler-only, groups, your brother would be welcome, understood and supported. All our support is anonymous so I suggest that he has nothing to lose by trying us and hopefully everything to gain. GA is great, he can meet people who are in different stages of recovery including those who live gamble-free.
Your brother is, naturally, uncomfortable about what he is going through but he can live gamble free, if it were not so I would not be writing to you.
Please keep posting but in the meantime please take care of yourself. You are not responsible for your brother but sadly his addiction can pull you down too – if you allow it. Well done writing, what must have been, a very difficult post.
Velvet

[velvet]

Hello Brian and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi Stay Strong

If it was possible, for someone who is addicted to gambling, to win some money and be happy, then this site would not exist and all the members on this forum would be happily gambling and leading wonderful lives – sadly that is not the case.

There is no need for anyone to remind you that you have a problem that you cannot control because that would not be true.   It appears from your posts, however, that presently you are losing control and unless you take positive action and accept the very real danger you are in, the harder it will be to stop and retake control.  As was said in an earlier post to you, the addiction to gamble gets worse, never better, once it has a foothold in your life.   

The addiction to gamble isn’t about money which is a concept I think most of us find difficult to accept at the beginning. The addiction is solely about ‘the gamble’ and when you react to that urge to gamble, you are messing with your brain and befuddling your reality. 

Your wife probably did seem happiest when she was unaware but sadly she was always unlikely to remain in ignorance for long.    It seems to me that the fights that you have had with you wife, when you were trying to stop, was your wife becoming aware that your behaviour was already changing as your addiction took hold. 

You are being heard.  Please keep posting and seeking the terrific support that you are being offered.    

Velvet

[velvet]

Hello Stay Strong and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi T
When one receives a lot of information, all at once, it can take a while to filter it through your mind while you work out which bits relate to the situation in which you find yourself. Even when you accept some, or all, of the information it is often hard to know what to do, especially when it comes to a relationship in which you have invested your time and love.
Sharing with others who have been through the same, or similar, experiences can often bring clarity so I hope you will update again soon.
you are in my thoughts
Velvet

[velvet]

Hello Mama and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hallo Beth, ik vraag me af of, hoewel hij $500 heeft gegokt, schijnbaar zonder een oogwenk, of hij toen die $500 verloor, in welk geval zijn geloof in zijn vermogen om zichzelf te beheersen hopelijk nog een deuk zal hebben gekregen. Uw man heeft 3 jaar geleden geaccepteerd dat hij een alcoholverslaving heeft maar nu blijkt dat hij slaapwandelde in een andere verslaving. Dit is geen onbekende situatie op deze site en zal geen onbekende situatie zijn voor anderen in de AA-groep van uw man, misschien kunt u hem vragen uw zorgen met zijn medeleden te bespreken – zelfs als hij niet aan zichzelf of aan hen wil toegeven, dat hij zich zorgen maakt. Het feit dat hij intellectueel aanvaardt dat zijn gokken verslavend is, geeft hoop. Waarschijnlijk heeft hij enige tijd gevochten tegen het accepteren van zijn alcoholisme voordat hij er klaar voor was om het onder ogen te zien en de nodige stappen te ondernemen om het onder controle te krijgen. Als het gemakkelijk was voor een persoon om een verslaving te accepteren en ermee om te gaan, Beth, zou ik het hier niet doen. Ik vermoed dat je man meer begrijpt dan je denkt maar het begrijpen en er iets aan doen vergt kracht en misschien mist je man die kracht 'op dit moment'. Ik kan je eenzaamheid voelen en ik begrijp het echt. Ik hoop dat je blijft posten en hopelijk vind je tussen de regels door de kracht om je gezin overeind te houden, niet alleen om overeind te blijven maar naar rustiger water te zeilen. Ik ben opgelucht dat je vrienden en familie hebt die je steunen – zijn ze zich bewust van je bezorgdheid? Angst voor het onbekende is verlammend, blijf alsjeblieft voor jezelf zorgen en dingen doen en mensen zien die je plezieren. Blijf alsjeblieft Velvet posten

[velvet]

Salut Beth, je me demande si, bien qu'il ait joué 500 $, apparemment sans sourciller, s'il a ensuite perdu ces 500 $, auquel cas sa croyance en sa capacité à se contrôler aura, espérons-le, pris un autre coup. Votre mari a admis qu'il avait une dépendance à l'alcool il y a 3 ans, mais il semble maintenant que le sommeil est entré dans une autre dépendance. Ce n'est pas une situation inconnue sur ce site et ce ne sera pas une situation inconnue pour les autres membres du groupe des AA de votre mari, peut-être pourriez-vous lui demander de discuter de vos préoccupations avec ses collègues – même s'il ne l'admettra pas à lui-même, ou à eux, qu'il est concerné. Le fait qu'il accepte intellectuellement que son jeu soit addictif fait naître de l'espoir. Il a probablement lutté contre l'acceptation de son alcoolisme pendant un certain temps avant d'être prêt à y faire face et à prendre les mesures nécessaires pour le contrôler. S'il était facile pour une personne d'accepter une dépendance et d'y faire face Beth, je ne le ferais pas ici. Je soupçonne que votre mari comprend plus que vous ne le pensez, mais comprendre et faire quelque chose à ce sujet demande de la force et peut-être que votre mari manque de cette force «pour le moment». Je peux sentir ta solitude et je comprends vraiment. J'espère que vous continuerez à poster et j'espère qu'entre les lignes, vous trouverez la force de garder votre famille, non seulement à flot, mais en naviguant vers des eaux plus calmes. Je suis soulagé que vous ayez des amis et de la famille qui vous soutiennent – sont-ils conscients de votre inquiétude ? La peur de l'inconnu est paralysante, s'il vous plaît continuez à prendre soin de vous, à faire des choses et à voir des gens qui vous plaisent. S'il vous plaît continuer à poster Velvet

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