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Following on from Joerdg’s good advice – I would add:
4. Get good support for yourself. If you are able to talk to someone you trust in your family or friendship circle – who you know will support you in this. You could also consider a self help group like gamblers’ anonymous http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga/locations
Or you could see a counselor – as you are a student you should be able to access free counseling from UCF https://caps.sdes.ucf.edu/Obviously, because of the current situation there may have to be other ways of reaching out – but I think most services are using skype or similar instead of face to face meetings.
There are also the support groups here – and on Monday’s and Thursday’s there are facilitated groups for new members – check the calendar under “support groups” for the times.
I read Quora occasionally. I get an email every day from them which prompts me to go on – but quite often I only read one or two comments and then delete. Mainly because most posters and commentators have their own political agenda and it often descends into playground name-calling. The same is true for a number of on-line sites where people are encouraged to “have their say” including the BBC.
The difference with having a blog, would be that you would be in control of which comments could be published – so that you can set yourself up as moderator and only allow comments which you feel are constructive. This does mean that you would have to (partly) read them in order to know. I don’t find disagreement easy and I would worry that too much of it would affect my mental health and push me towards gambling thoughts. But that’s me.
On the other point about “being told not to talk about it,” if something like this is in your contract of employment (and it probably is) then you could find yourself in a disciplinary situation – which again might cause stress and thoughts. Maybe wait until after retirement?
I did set up a travel blog last year and wrote a few posts about my journey. I’ve had a few (positive) comments, but it is clear that very few people are reading it and I have found it hard to keep up. Even now with more time on my hands (but fewer places to write about) I keep finding myself putting it off. It is something that I need to make a decision about – but I hate abandoning projects (I think of them as failure.) But then is chasing “losses” ever a good thing!
Gefeliciteerd met je achtste maand! Wat betreft je "beslissing" vraag ik me af of je dit naar counseling hebt gebracht. Ik ging naar "huwelijksbegeleiding" nu "relatie" toen ik wist dat ik niet in mijn eerste huwelijk kon blijven. Het was mijn eerste keer in counseling en ik herinner me de schok toen ik werd gevraagd hoe mijn jeugd was. 'Hetzelfde als dat van alle anderen,' zei ik, en toen vertelde ik de hulpverlener over het gokverslaving van mijn vader en de ernstige depressie van mijn moeder. Je hoeft geen stel te zijn om voor relatietherapie te gaan en het idee is om je te ondersteunen, terwijl je voor jezelf een oplossing uitwerkt. Ik besloot te vertrekken en mijn ex-vrouw en ik bleven vrienden in de mate dat zij en haar nieuwe partner me steunden door de dood van mijn moeder en naar de begrafenis kwamen. Natuurlijk kan de uitkomst voor jou anders zijn, misschien een nieuwe manier van omgaan met elkaar vinden, misschien besluiten om niets te veranderen – maar het zal in ieder geval een klankbord en enige steun bieden terwijl je door een echt moeilijke tijd heen werkt. Ik hoop dat dit helpt.
Congrats on entering your eighth month!
As for your “decision” I wonder if you have taken this to counselling. I went to “marriage guidance” now “relate” when I knew I couldn’t stay in my first marriage. It was my first time in counselling and I remember the shock of being asked what my childhood was like. “The same as everyone else’s,” I said, and then told the counsellor about my Dad’s compulsive gambling and Mum’s severe depression.
You don’t have to be a couple to go for relationship counselling and the idea is to support you, whilst you work out a solution for yourself.
I decided to leave and my ex-wife and I remained friends to the extent that she and her new partner supported me through the death of my mother and came to the funeral.
Of course the outcome for you could be different, maybe finding a new way of relating, maybe deciding on no change – but at least it will offer a sounding board and some support as you work through what is a really difficult time. I hope this helps.
Felicitări pentru intrarea în a opta lună! În ceea ce privește „decizia” dvs., mă întreb dacă ați dus acest lucru la consiliere. Am mers la „îndrumarea căsătoriei” acum „relatează” când am știut că nu pot rămâne în prima mea căsătorie. A fost prima dată când am consiliat și îmi amintesc șocul de a fi întrebat cum a fost copilăria mea. „La fel ca al tuturor celorlalți”, am spus, apoi i-am spus consilierului despre jocurile compulsive ale tatălui meu și depresia severă a mamei. Nu trebuie să fii un cuplu pentru a merge la consiliere în relații și ideea este să te sprijine, în timp ce găsești o soluție pentru tine. Am decis să plec, iar eu și fosta mea soție am rămas prieteni în măsura în care ea și noul ei partener m-au sprijinit prin moartea mamei și am venit la înmormântare. Desigur, rezultatul pentru dvs. ar putea fi diferit, poate găsi o nouă modalitate de relaționare, poate decide asupra nicio schimbare – dar cel puțin va oferi o masă de sondare și un anumit sprijin pe măsură ce treceți prin ceea ce este un moment cu adevărat dificil. Sper ca asta ajuta.
Parabéns por entrar no seu oitavo mês! Quanto à sua "decisão", eu me pergunto se você levou isso ao aconselhamento. Eu fui para "orientação para o casamento" agora "relatar" quando sabia que não poderia permanecer no meu primeiro casamento. Foi minha primeira vez em aconselhamento e lembro-me do choque de ser questionado sobre como foi minha infância. "O mesmo que todo mundo", eu disse, e então contei ao conselheiro sobre o jogo compulsivo de meu pai e a severa depressão de mamãe. Você não precisa ser um casal para buscar aconselhamento de relacionamento e a ideia é apoiá-lo, enquanto você encontra uma solução para si mesmo. Decidi ir embora e minha ex-mulher e eu continuamos amigas a ponto de ela e seu novo parceiro me apoiarem com a morte de minha mãe e comparecer ao funeral. É claro que o resultado para você pode ser diferente, talvez encontrando uma nova maneira de se relacionar, talvez decidindo não fazer nenhuma mudança – mas pelo menos isso oferecerá uma caixa de ressonância e algum apoio enquanto você trabalha no que é um momento realmente difícil. Eu espero que isso ajude.
I hope all is well with you and your son.
You wrote: I came to an extra realisation gambling is a resource where I can grab in to forget about that fact.
There are many reasons why we keep gambling and this is one of them. When I am gambling I can block out anything that is causing me stress in my life. In my case it was a difficult marriage, grief that was not worked through and other personal issues. It seems for you it is a realisation that your job is not fulfilling.
If the situation is so bad that you are tempted to gamble to get away from thinking about it – then I would say it needs to be addressed. I used to work as a careers adviser in the UK and I know most cities offer a service to people, (though it may be suspended because of the virus.) If you went to University it may be worth getting in touch with them as they normally offer something to past students.
Alternatively you could start with a book such as “Wishcraft” by Barbara Sher – which gives information on using your community to help with careers advice. I wish you well.
I know when I was gambling, I had plans to do all sorts of things including giving up drinking and going on a diet. I found that I had to concentrate on one or at the most two things at the same time – depriving myself of too much just sent me into cravings – mainly of the gambling variety.
Drinking in moderation is fine – and if you feel it is getting out of hand in the future – then the tools you have used to stop smoking and gambling can be put to use again. Eat as well as you can, but don’t deprive yourself. If you need to go on a serious diet – wait (if you can) until your recovery is stronger and we are in happier times! Take good care of yourself.
Good that you have shared your story, not only here but also with you friends – who will hopefully look out for you.
You have discovered that you cannot gamble “normally.” This is why we are here because we have a problem behaviour which means we can’t switch off from gambling like other people can. It is good that you have found this out early – before you can do more damage.
What you need to do is a) ban yourself from gambling sites either on-line or off – where you might still play. b) Cut yourself off from access to finance – if there is some-one you can trust enough to handle your money then that is ideal, if not just take out as little as you can. For on-line order a new card (say you lost it) get rid of the old one and when the new one comes get someone else to scratch off the 3 digit code on the back – so you can’t use it – but can still buy stuff in real stores. c) get good support for yourself, keep in touch with friends or consider self-help groups like gamblers’ anonymous. d) Find new ways of using your time which do not involve gambling. You may have to work longer for a while in order to help with finances – but don’t forget to make time for fun as well. Take good care of yourself and let us know how you get on.
Вы написали: «Я все еще не уверен, что я проблемный игрок». и «Должен ли я обратиться за помощью, чтобы предотвратить проблемы в будущем?» Единственный человек, который может решить, являетесь ли вы проблемным игроком, – это ВЫ. Но я заметил, что вы уже обратились за помощью, зайдя на этот сайт. GA (анонимный игрок) предлагает 20 вопросов, которые могут помочь вам решить … они предполагают, что у вас есть проблема, если вы ответите более чем на 7 из них положительно. (Я отмечаю около 17!) Конечно, если вы обнаружите, что «гонитесь за убытками», я бы обратился за помощью, поскольку это ненормальное поведение и один из признаков того, что могут быть проблемы. Желаю тебе всего наилучшего.
You wrote: “am still not sure if I am a problem gambler.” and “Is this something I should seek help with to prevent future problems?”
The only person who can decide if you are a problem gambler is YOU. But I notice that you have already sought help by coming onto this website.
There are the 20 questions set by GA (Gamblers’ Anonymous) which may help you decide … they suggest you have a problem if you answer more than 7 of these positively. (I tick about 17!)
Certainly, if you find yourself “chasing losses” then I would seek help as this is not normal behaviour and one of the signs that there may be problems. I wish you well.
I didn’t find it easy and still don’t sometimes, but as I get older I notice that the things I worry about rarely happen and the things that get me I never even thought of.
This virus is a case in point. Never even crossed my mind that it would be a problem at Christmas / New Year and now look at us!
Mindfulness might help – try reading books by Eckhart Tolle or looking at youtube vids. The technique of noticing that you are worrying and then switching to something else has been helpful to me. Worth a try.