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Good to hear things are working for you. Good to see you in group the other day.
Yes it is not easy when the means to gamble is in your possession. Is there someone who could come and be with you for a bit? Just to keep you company – they don’t need to know why.
Lying and gambling seem to go together and lying to ourselves … I felt there was a terrible shame in acting out my addiction, AFTER I had made the pledge to stop; and not only the pledge to other people but to myself. I think it was somehow going against who I was. When I identified as a gambler then gambling was the natural thing to do. Once I had identified as an ex-gambler or recovering gambler – then to gamble was going against who I had set myself up to be.
I think each time I felt the pain of gambling after I had vowed to quit made me look at what else I could do to change. In my case it made me visit GA more often, it made me look at alternatives to gambling – things that I could do that would interest me – even things I had never attempted before. It made me find ways of using up my time that would be useful to me, but also enjoyable and away from any gambling temptation.
None of this was easy and it took me several years of stopping and starting before reaching what is (for me) a gamble free life.
I’m glad that you have come clean about what is going on for you and that you keep posting. Keep strong.
Facing your problems head on. I wish I could be doing that instead of continually putting the clearing off!
As for the email change – I’d put something in feedback – as I think your request will be overlooked on here.
I hope you played your piano. I hope you enjoyed it and it took your mind off your troubles for a while.
Congratulations on your week gf. That has taken some guts. That feeling of emptyness is familiar – but it is just our brains adjusting to the fact that the prop we had to get through life is no longer available. It will pass.
I hope you can find someone local to talk to – I know your situation is very difficult, but maybe your GP could help you out with counselling and if things get too bad there is the samaritans – they are not just there for suicide but to listen to people who are finding life hard to deal with.
Keep playing your piano and posting … I wish you well.
More than that – it looks like you got a lot out of the meeting. I hope this is the start of something regular for you. It would be great to hear about your 1, 5, 10 year celebration meetings – but as we all know, for now, take it one day at a time. Congrats on 10 days gf as well.
Hi Nel – you wrote: “I feel like when I’m in counseling that’s all you do.. dredge up all the old bad stuff.” That may. be true – but it is better than creating more bad stuff by gambling!
I’m in the middle of a house move at the moment. Before I started the place was a bit of a mess but I was getting by. Right now it is chaos with stuff in different piles waiting to be sorted. In a couple of weeks the whole place will be clear.
I think that is how counseling is – at first just the process of disturbing our current life is messy and chaotic, but eventually everything becomes clearer and we can see where we are going.
I write this because I think you need to give it time – just as you will need to give GA time (or here for that matter.) There is no magic bullet to stopping gambling – it is a process and it will take time and effort on your part.
Well done on what you have achieved and I hope the GA meeting works well for you.
That you got the extention you needed. Now don’t be like me and start working on it on the 9th!
Good to see you keep posting on here and working your recovery.
Well done on your 7 days . You are right it is quite a milestone and proves that you can have a gambling free life.
The new life that you are going to lead will mean you having to let go of the old one. One of the aspects of the old one is this constant wish to get back what we have lost. I still sometimes regret my losses and I have been gamble free for almost as long as I was gambling!
So good to hear that you have a long term plan – it is great to make plans and scary to carry them out (as I am finding at the moment!) But exciting as well. I wish you well.
Yes – I only got a to-do list after I had stopped gambling and it does feel good to accomplish things and tick them off. Don’t forget some me time too!
Go well …You have decided to stop.
You are in dialogue with your partner.
You know drink is a trigger for you.
You are posting here and in group.Is there more you could be doing to create your new life as a non-gambler?
If your habit is in bars with video poker – have you identified places that don’t have gambling machines? Are you looking at other ways of spending leisure time away from bars? Are you in touch with any recovery groups? Is your partner getting any support from this site or from local groups?
It is really hard in the early days when our brains are wired to gambling and it only takes a nudge for us to go there. We have to almost re-wire our brains so that we have a different “go to” when we are triggered or stressed.
So don’t think that your life will be empty without gambling – it can be full with other “non gambling” activities and almost needs to be – so that you are not tempted when you have a free moment. Keep strong.
Good to meet you in chat today and sorry to hear that you have had a difficult week.
I hope things turn around soon for you.I think one of the exciting things about recovery in the longer term is the (re) discovering of who I really am. For many years I was, “Steev the gambler.” Then for some more years I was “Steev the recovering gambler” and it is only recently that I have been working on a new identity for myself. Who am I really, especially who am I without gambling.
The only thing I can suggest is looking at what you were doing before gambling. What were you interests and dreams then? I had a very poor self-image and felt I didn’t deserve things for myself – but it was okay to put myself out for others. I’d always wanted to travel, but didn’t get on a plane until I was in my 30s and then I felt guilty about it.
Have a good think about how you want your new life to be. Counselling would be really good for this – a place to bounce ideas off someone who will be supportive and has no personal axe to grind.
I hope you have support in place, now you are coming home and I look forwards to further posts …
If we could “just stop” gambling then no-one would have a problem. It sadly isn’t as easy as “just walking away.”
I felt that I had to put as much time and effort into my recovery as I did into my gambling – and that was a lot. I soon found that I couldn’t do it alone. I needed GA and support from individual members and friends that I had confided in, to make it work for me.
So have you put barriers in your way? Have you confided in somone who can support you? You will go to a GA meeting in the next few days and they will be able to help you more individually and give you some local information on support etc.
You will need to put the effort in – but it will be worth it. I wish you well.
Really – you are not. You have admitted to having a problem an illness called compulsive gambling – and you are doing something about it.
I think your husband may just need a little time – time to himself to adjust to what he has heard from you in the last few days. Maybe give him some space to take things in. You are responsible for yourself and for looking after your own recovery – you don’t have to do things FOR your husband but it would be great if you can do things WITH your husband and to face the future together.
Sorry to hear about your panic attack. It must have been very frightening at the time, but you have come through it. Again maybe a visit to your GP would be in order when you come home.
Hope the trip is going well otherwise and you are enjoying the sun!
Well done on day four and for letting us know of your progress. It is not easy in the early days to be persistent in not gambling and only needs a moment of madness to undo everything. I hope you have support at hand when needed. Take care …