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Wow Monica – it sounds like you have so much on your plate right now. I hope you are able to get some support with all this. Good to hear that some of your debt has been consolidated – that is better than nothing. I know that it is hard dealing with financial institutions who go by the rules and find it hard to relate to human stories. I hope letting out some of your frustration here is helpful.
I gambled several times after admitting I was a gambler. I gambled when I was attending GA (well not at the same time – but you know what I mean.)
No-one here will feel let down because you have gambled – all we want to do is to help you to stop, we all know that it is not easy.
I do feel that you need to tell your counsellor. The benefits of counselling come by talking about what is going on for us in the moment – and I know that your gambling will be on your mind when you go for your session.
Are you thinking of not going to GA because you have gambled? I know that is tempting, but to be honest that is probably when you need GA the most. Again they will not criticise or judge you – they will have been there too.
I know that you will feel that this has been a setback, but you have done it and talked about it and hopefully learnt from it – no more dry gambling perhaps. Maybe we will meet up in chat later – if not go well for the rest of the weekend and catch up next week.
All the best wishes for your interview on Thursday – I hope you wow them!!
You wrote: “I am too old to go back and to old to move forward in the way I want to …”
When are we too old? I’m 62 and embarking on a new adventure – travelling the world. I’m doing it at an older age than I would have wished but I am still doing it.
So you do want to move forward in some way?
I can only speak from my own experience. I didn’t decide what the alternative to gambling was until I had quit gambling for a while. My head was too screwed up before. At first I tried lots of things – things I had done before gambling and things I felt I didn’t have time to do. I took classes, went to events – anything that took up time because it was the time for gambling that I had to kill.
When I found something (in my case counselling) I plunged myself into it – because that is something I know how to do. I know how to be addicted / compulsive – so I became addicted to learning about counselling and taking part in all sorts of workshops to do with it. It cost money – but not as much as the gambling did. I had gambling relapses – but they became fewer and fewer.
I’ve seen others find their new (healthier?) compulsions. A friend from GA has become compulsive around music – performing and supporting others in performance. Someone else I know has gone into keep fit and running.
A philosopher once wrote: “One who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” I read that quote in a book about a concentration camp survivor who strove to find meaning in his suffering.
Perhaps I’m going on. Please feel free to tell me to shut up – I will understand.
I will work on my own story to post in the forums next month. I am still busy visiting people – but things should calm down when I reach Ireland. Stay strong.
You wrote, “I have been advised so many times to find something to replace gambling but no one ever told me why this would be helpful .”
I guess it would be helpful because gambling is causing you so much pain. I guess we have all met people who are happy in their addictions, like the alcoholic who knows the drink it going to kill him or her – but then something will and it may as well be this.
Gambling took up too much of my time – not just the act of gambling but all the extra work which I had to do to pay off my debts and the interest. Risking being cliched, what interests are being squashed out by gambling? Can you go back to them? Are there things you would like to do – things important to you that you put off, perhaps because they bring up emotions that are difficult to deal with. Is there a way you could get support to do these things?
I really appreciate your honesty in your journal entries and showing how difficult the recovery journey is for you. I hope being with you on this journey is helpful.
They were always the stickiest times for me too. My answer was to take day or even weekend courses, didn’t matter what the subject was – the idea was to keep busy and not think about gambling. Yep keeping busy is the key – have you checked out local self-help groups in your new city? Keep well.
Well done for getting your counselling and I am glad that you felt it was helpful. I struggled about going public as an addict, certainly as a professional and a teacher, I tended to keep a low profile. Now that I am retired I am less worried about who knows. I think where you are now – you need to look after your own recovery, help people where you can but please do not put your own recovery at risk. As for “dry gambling” – if it helps – why not … but if it will be a trigger for actually gambling then please leave it alone. I still play solitaire and can get quite into it – but of course there is no money involved. You are doing really well Jezi.
You have let us in – and we will support you on becoming gambling free- but you do of course need to help yourself. You need to block yourself from all on-line gambling sites – via GAMSTOP or something similar – there is guidance elsewhere on this site on how to do this and I am sure others here can advise.
You do need to admit your problem to others – start with others that have or had the problem that know what you are going through and the shame you feel. Check if there is any self-help groups like GA or similar in your area and phone them.
Keeping this secret makes it easy to carry on with the gambling because no one else will know. But of course people will know eventually as the losses mount up and creditors want paying. Know that you will not be judged here or at other recovery organisations because we have all been there. I will you well.
I like that phrase and it is the first step in stopping gambling, that I have admitted to myself and another (us) that I have a problem. Practically you will need to limit your access to money and to the means of gambling – bar yourself from the places where you gamble and use gamstop or similar software to ensure you don’t gamble on-line. Then get support – see if GA or another self-help organisation are near to you or explore counseling.
Your partner may need support also – does she know about your gambling? If not then the decision to tell her is a tricky one and you may need support around that. It is the first step on what can be a long and troubling journey – but the reward is a gamble free life – worth gping for!
So you will know the score about what to do to physically stop. Self excluding is only the first step and as you have found out can be got round. Limiting money and time and building a new life for yourself.
You can see logically that there is no winning with gambling. When we win we simply gamble more. Unfortunately our logic button is turned off when we are in action.
I feel that we need to pay as much attention to our recovery as we spent on our gambling – especially in the early days when we are just getting to grips with our new lives. It can be done – I am several years away from last betting on slots (my poison too) but it isn’t easy – lots of things happen in life and the pull back to gambling can be strong. I wish you well.
Так вы будете знать, что делать, чтобы физически остановиться. Самоисключение – это только первый шаг, и, как вы узнали, его можно обойти. Ограничение денег и времени и построение новой жизни для себя. Вы можете логически понять, что в азартных играх нет выигрыша. Когда мы выигрываем, мы просто больше играем. К сожалению, наша логическая кнопка отключается, когда мы действуем. Я чувствую, что нам нужно уделять выздоровлению столько же внимания, сколько мы потратили на наши азартные игры, особенно в первые дни, когда мы только начинаем осознавать свою новую жизнь. Это можно сделать – мне осталось несколько лет до последней ставки на игровые автоматы (мой яд тоже), но это непросто – в жизни происходит много всего, и откат к азартным играм может быть сильным. Желаю тебе всего наилучшего.
Thank you for your kind comments Jezi. I’ve been pondering maps of Ireland – wondering where to go … it still doesn’t seem real. Well done on 3 weeks gf and on taking the initiative on the podcast front. All exciting stuff!
Another interesting and full day.
As for the church thing – I sometimes put off going to places or meeting people because I feel miffed that they haven’t made the first move. Then I realised that sometimes I was making things bad for myself – not them. So if you feel you NEED to go to church – do it. Don’t let others put you off – remember put your recovery first. Have a good Sunday.I feel that letting go of the money I lost is the hard part. Thousands which could only be got back again by ….
And that is chasing my losses. I decided to give away my business stock to charity recently. It was also worth thousands, but I needed it all to go and quickly. At the end of the day charities are going to get any money I leave as I have no family. I will never be rich – but I am content. Have a great weekend too!If you need to – speak. Don’t worry about boring anyone, put your own recovery first. Good that you have come back here and I hope to hear more!