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Will you connect with Sarah whilst you are there?
It sounds a lovely place to be – warm and sunny – which Donegal is definitely NOT at the moment. But it is peaceful. Hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend.
Hi Angel. I am writing this whilst looking out of the window at a view of sea and mountains in a remote part of Ireland. Yesterday I was out taking (not very good) photographs. I have no money worries.
30 years ago I was gambling every day – sometimes for hours at a time only stopping when I needed to pee! Constantly worried about money and when not gambling, having to work every hour to pay off debts and keep my head above water financially.
So it can be done. I did it by reaching out to people and working through the issues that brought me to gambling – a need to blank out the past and present hurts. Feeling that I was not worth the lifestyle that I could have. My low self-esteem and feelings of failure.
How you can work through these things can vary. I found something called co-counselling, which is only available in a few areas of the UK and US – not sure where you are? Some find community in GA – I guess from your post that didn’t work for you. There are other growth communities out there – NLP, TA, The Work – there might even be something of community in the Pagan network … But I think joining a group of people who are trying to heal themselves and support others is the key.
If you feel you are not being helped by this mental health professional after 10 years – why are you still there? There are other ways of working on past trauma that might be more beneficial. Take control of your own recovery – do the usual things of not handling your own finances (if possible) and banning yourself from gambling places – but above all get into a supportive culture. Here is a good place to start – maybe see you in group some time!
I wonder what would have happened if you had been allowed in? Testing the ban is not a good idea – as no doubt you know. Was there a trigger for you to do this – if so, try and eliminate that trigger so that you are not tempted again.
Don’t think about the big wins – because you know that they will only give you the ammunition you need to gamble with. Look at whether you need to be able to “grab 1000” or whether you can put things in place that will make it impossible for you to get hold of that sort of money at short notice.
Good that you didn’t gamble and are still posting here. I wish you well.
Yes I tried to talk more with you about your research but problems with the chat kicking me out coupled with a poor internet connection last night made that difficult.
The nearest thing I have heard of is someone who successfully sued a drugs company for supplying a drug that turned him into a compulsive gambler. Apparently that drug affected the insula. It occurred to me then that if a drug can turn someone into a CG then surely another could turn the CG urge off.
Knowing that there is probably a physical reason why I am a gambling addict helps me to see that I am not “weak” or “stupid” for what I have done. It is part of me as much as my poor spatial awareness or the fact that I can make lateral connections perhaps quicker than most people.
I am not sure where else to go with this – I assume you are not recommending that people have a bump on the head to try and cure them of addiction. If you feel it has taken the urge to gamble away then that’s great – as long as you don’t try and test it out by gambling!
Thanks for your post on my thread. Even here there are temptations as I noticed the local gas station had a large sign outside urging people to play the lottery. Thankfully the view out of the window is just of sea, mountains and rain. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
Ah now there’s a question.
Slow down, unwind, think about my new life. I want to start a blog, to get to grips with things like Skype and social media, to take better photos and to learn some basic German for the next stage of my journey. That’ll do for starters.
Meanwhile I am pleased I was able to get the peat fire going this morning – soon I will be off for a walk. Hope you enjoy your weekend …
I know giving up control is difficult and seeing him buying stuff brings up feelings of “fairness” for you. But you aren’t gambling at the moment and that it the big thing.
You do seem to alternate in how you feel about your relationship – close and then far apart. Talking about your feelings when you are close may help, as may bringing in a third party – either you talking to a counsellor or seeing someone together. Remember he is in recovery too – he is getting used to the new you who is not gambling but is (probably) emotionally in turmoil because of not gambling and not using the usual prop to deal with the stuff – both of the here and now and of the past.
It is great that you are posting about your feelings here and that you are open to others commenting. I hope you can take something from what I have said and discard that which doesn’t speak to you. Go well.
As a compulsive gambler in recovery, (I have not gambled for several years) once I made the decision to stop, I tried to be as “compulsive” in getting better as I was when “sick.” So I went to GA every evening I could, I worked all hours to pay off debt and to remove time to and thoughts of gambling.
I was able to do this because I was alone. I was looking after myself to be a better catch for someone and it is with pride that I can say I didn’t gamble when with my second wife – not once.
I would also say that having someone to share the journey with would have been SO nice. I learnt so much about myself through counselling and self help groups, but I also saw couples learning about their relationship in the same way.
If he is serious about recovery and you feel you can, talk to him about joining him on his journey – it could make your relationship really strong and you will (some years down the line) know what to do. If he is not investing in his own recovery or is unwilling to involve you – well you may have to make a different choice. I wish you well.
One of the things I’ve realized since being gambling free is how much gambling reduced my choices in life. When actively gambling, if there was a choice between earning money or not then I always went for the cash. If I had to choose stuff, or food or travel, I would always go for the cheapest option. Choices were simple – spend less, try and save – and this extended into my period of not gambling but still deeply in debt.
Now that I am debt free I have choices and my big choice was, “what kind of life do I want to lead – what does my new life look like?”. I’m not sure where on your journey you have reached, but it says a lot about your recovery that you can make a choice. The thing about choices is that we can never live the alternative path – so choose and then make the best of that choice. I know you will do well.
I’m sitting in my little cottage by the sea. I’m here for over 3 weeks – so time to work on my own journal. 😉 I hope you’re well and having a grand weekend!
Sorry I got the wrong story and congrats on being 25 days gambling free. I don’t feel that it helps to dwell too much on the past. Certainly thinking about money lost – could lead to chasing losses. But remembering the crxp feelings that we have after gambling is useful if it keeps us from going back. Focus on your new you. I found it was almost like putting on an act at first – I was so identified as a CG – with all the shame and low self-esteem that goes with that. So becoming a recovered gambler meant I had to act differently and wore the new me in (like a new pair of shoes.) Now I feel I am a recovered gambler and the shoes feel comfortable for me. I’m retired – currently in a cottage on the wild west coast of Ireland – enjoying life. I hope you enjoy your new life as well.