Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Yes – I will work on posting a proper forum post next week. I seem to be quite busy, given I’m in the middle of nowhere.
Yes the weather has been awful here – but I’ve no idea if this is typical of the region or not. Everybody says things were much better before I arrived then eye me suspiciously.
For a brief dry spell, I walked up to one of the nearby loughs and sat and just watched the wind blowing over the water and enjoying the silence – I guess it is things like that, that keep me busy!
St Patricks Day tomorrow – shoud be quite an event here – not sure where I will be or what I will be doing but hope to enjoy it.
You need to heal. Take as much time out for yourself as you need and treat yourself gently. Good that you have put blocks in place and that you have spoken to a friend.
I would say, try not to do too much at this stage. Sleep, walk, baths, relaxing, music, talking … Mindfulness may help and there are resources for this on the net.
Keeping a journal (in real life – not just on here) may also help. Almost a form of self-counselling. Try to nurture yourself and treat yourself with love. I wish you well.
I don’t think you can assume what other people do and if it is important then I think you should check with your dr. You are bound to be all over the place at the moment – this is part of recovery, you are healing, be forgiving of yourself. Good to see you still posting and gamble free – take care.
It is a reminder of when I first stopped. I went to GA as many times as I could and if I went out anywhere else it was with friends who knew about my problem and we went to places where there were no slots.
I found I needed to be around people as much as possible in the early days – so I had little time to think about things as my head just span. Now it is the opposite and I spend a lot of time alone.
All I can say is that it does get easier as time passes. The links in the brain between getting high on gambling and depressed when not, do loosen.
Keep communicating and letting people know how you feel. It is great that you have self excluded – treat yourself gently over the next few weeks – take good care of yourself and keep in touch.
I don’t agree with your last sentence. You are coping the best you can. You are managing your debt – you have kept a home for yourself, you have a master’s degree and you have a job that pays the bills. That says a lot about you.
The important thing now is not to gamble again – not to chase losses – as you know long term you cannot win. I take it that you have sought financial advice? I decided to pay off all my debt – even though I was told that there may be ways around it. Looking back I am not sure I made the right choice, so if you have choices think long and hard about them.
Guilt, shame, regret – I would add feelings of failure – go with the territory. It is only since coming out the other side of both gambling and debt that I feel that I can let go of some of those feelings. Doing so with the support of a community of people helped me – as I have no immediate family. For some that can be GA – for some a religious group – for others a counselling support group – it could be good to check what there is in your area.
If you can, meet up with people in group here – that may be the start of talking things through with people who have been there (and in some cases are still there.) I have only been here a few months but I have been impressed with what a supportive and non-judgemental community exists on this site.
I know you are probably feeling quite down at the moment – but all feelings will pass and when you are stronger please take a look at what you can do to put yourself in a better place. My thoughts are with you and your recovery.
Thanks for your post. 50K would be the amount of debt I got into through gambling. I found it hard to stop thinking about it – even when I had stopped gambling.
I take it you have read around the site and know the practical things to do to stop – banning yourself from gambling outlets and restricting your access to finance and time for gambling. If you are binging – then it shows that you can stop – it is just staying stopped that is the issue. The next time you feel like binging – stop and think. Check with yourself, what is the trigger to you wanting to bet. Then speak to someone – phone a helpline – someone on here – an understanding and supportive friend. Just talking it out might be enough to stop you from acting out your addicition.
I agree with finding something else to get enthused over – if health doesn’t work for you, try being creative or getting back to nature. I wish you well.
Maybe some sunshine? Lets face it we could all do with some. I take it, it’s your anniversary – so well done. I hope you have a great gf rest of the week.
You have done really well on the 6 months and I know it isn’t easy. I reckon it took me about a decade between deciding to stop and staying stopped. I take it you have done all the usual things like banning yourself from the casinos … restricting how much money you have access to … getting support locally from GA, counselling or some other self-help group.
I think after 6 months my head was clear enough to decide what sort of life I wanted to lead now that gambling was no longer in it. I tried out lots of different things – things I had no time for when I was gambling or working to earn the means to gamble. The things I tried out included dancing (different sorts) music (both playing and going to concerts) walking, travel, quizzes, comedy events.
Walking and travel have stayed with me – and I have now decided to travel the world slowly – to beautiful places where I can walk for at least part of every day. That and finding a supportive community has been the greatest asset to my recovery.
It would be good to see you in chat. It isn’t working too well at the moment so when you log in – if it don’t see any messages for a while, log out and log back in again.
To your new life without gambling …
That is important. At one point I wanted to stop, it was only when I came to the conclusion that I NEEDED to stop that things really kicked in.
I’m glad that you are going to get some support locally. Will this be a weekly appointment. I think it will have to be at least that often so that you can get to know your counsellor and the approach taken. I do hope you have also banned yourself from places where you gamble and (if possible) given up responsibility for your own finances – put as many barriers in the way of yourself and a bet.
There is GA in NZ the contacts are here: http://www.12steps.nz/12-step-programs/gamblers-anonymous/ga-meetings/ If you haven’t tried it’s worth giving them ago, but their approach is not for everybody. I wish you well.
I can only tell you what I did to stop gambling. I can’t tell you what to do – you have lived with this for long enough.
I decided I NEEDED to put as much energy into my recovery as I did into my gambling. When I started to waver I remembered this.
I reached out, GA, counselling, self-help groups – I tried all sorts even acupuncture and hypnotherapy.
I avoided people and places linked to my gambling. I even moved town and changed jobs.
I made sure I kept busy – I worked evenings and took courses at weekends so I had no time or energy to gamble.
I started to think of gambling as my allergy that might kill me if I succumb. I said NO to any and all events that might lead to a gamble – no matter how tempting.
I’m not saying this was a quick fix, it took me over a decade from admitting to having a problem to staying stopped. I’m now retired, travelling the world and am here to give hope and encouragement to others with this problem.
I hope you can sit down and work out how to make a gamble free life for yourself. What are YOUR triggers and how can you take them out. Make a new life for yourself and your family. I wish you well.
Hi Amme. I’m guessing you’re in the UK with a “hubby.” Use an online blocker for internet gambling, Gamstop, Gamblock and Netnanny are the ones I’ve heard of. Others on here will know more.
Try and get to at least one GA meeting and see if you can get a buddy or sponsor to support you by phone.
Keep busy – it is time as well as money that leads to gambling. Post something in the journal section of the forum and try to join a group. They aren’t working too well atm – so if it goes quiet, log out and back in again.
Above all get support. This isn’t something that can be tackled alone. I wish you well.
Привет, Амми. Полагаю, вы в Великобритании с «муженком». Используйте онлайн-блокировщик для азартных игр в Интернете. Я слышал о Gamstop, Gamblock и Netnanny. Другие здесь будут знать больше. Постарайтесь прийти хотя бы на одно собрание GA и посмотрите, сможете ли вы найти друга или спонсора, который поддержит вас по телефону. Будьте заняты – время и деньги приводят к азартным играм. Разместите что-нибудь в разделе журнала форума и попробуйте присоединиться к группе. Банкомат работает не очень хорошо, поэтому, если он перестал работать, выйдите из системы и снова войдите. Прежде всего, получите поддержку. Это не то, с чем можно справиться в одиночку. Желаю тебе всего наилучшего.
I was constantly worrying about money when I was in debt – and I always got through somehow. I am sure you will too. The important thing is not to let the worry get to you. Find nice (free or cheap) things to do to take your attention away from it and enjoy life.
Hope to see you in chat again soon.
Great that it’s 70 days and it has been good to see you on here and in chat. Here’s to the next 70 and beyond!
You can’t know what someone else is thinking – and even if he is worried about you stealing money – so?
He may have had reason enough to be worried in the past.How about trying out “the new ‘non-gambler’ me is above his concerns because I know I won’t do that.
Being a non-gambler can feel like an act sometimes because it is strange not to be gambling. Sometimes I felt I was being boring, sometimes I was bored. Sometimes I felt I didn’t deserve to be doing other “fun” things. Sometimes I just felt mad at myself for messing up my life and being left with nothing.
I’ve come to accept that I did mess up and then I stopped messing up. It would have been better if I hadn’t gambled – certainly from a financial point of view – but then would I have learnt so much about myself and about other people? We can’t live the alternative life – we can only make the best of the one we have. Keep being the best.