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I thought I had posted on your thread yesterday – but I must have had a senior moment. I was just checking that you were okay.
I hope what I said was helpful and you will be able to make the best of the situation you are in. I wish you well.
Just checking that you are okay after the weekend. I know you are not a fan of posting here any more but it would be good to hear from you! Take good care now.
And one hundred days is a really great landmark. You should be proud.
There is no need to try out the new fobts – I didn’t try out the old ones when they came in (I was just a plain old slots man.) Just concentrate on the other things you are doing to keep yourself gambling free. Keep posting and take care.
I used to borrow money from friends – even a few pounds from people I didn’t know very well. I always meant to pay them back when I was winning. I rarely won and when I did – I just carried on gambling.
You are not alone with this problem and you need to talk about it – initially to people that understand, other problem gamblers – but ultimately you need to share this with people close to you – family and friends.
If there is GA where you are now – go to the website and look up a meeting – gamblersanonymous .org should get you there. If not speak to someone on a helpline such as befrienders international and they should have details of organisations that can help.
When you feel stronger – reach out to the friend or family member whom you have the most trust in, to listen and not judge you. Even if you owe money (I found most people did not expect to get it back!) share with them what you are going through and talk about ways in which you can be supported through this. You are not a bad person – it is your behaviour which is making you do these things. As others have said block yourself from gambling places, carry as little money as possible (when you talk to someone you trust see if they can carry your money for you.) Get back to your studies and spend time catching up – that means less time to gamble with.
This is not an easy problem to crack and I don’t know anyone who has managed to do it alone. You will need support from people around you. Reach out and get this as soon as you can. I wish you well.
It is good that you recognise this particular trigger. It was one that got to me too. I tried various things – some that worked and some that didn’t … (don’t try buying stuff with it that you don’t need – you only end up with clutter!!)
What worked was:
a) paying off debts – I had debts that I didn’t need to pay off (in that they were up to date and no penalties) but inertia meant that I ignored them and left money in my account. Then I gambled – had no money in my account and no money to pay the debts. Pay off your debts if you can (you save money in interest charges too!)
b) paying forward debts – I occasionally paid forward things like my mortgage. This meant that the money wasn’t in my account tempting me and I was incurring less interest again. This can be done with credit cards too (although to be honest I didn’t!)
c) Put the money in an account that can’t be easily accessed. If you really feel you don’t need money immediately you can lock it in an account which can’t be accessed for 1 year or more. It’s not fool-proof but if you can forget that it is there (in time that is possible) then, when you are stronger you can unlock it for something that you really need.
I hope these ideas help. Knowing your own triggers is part way to dealing with them. Have a strategy in place so that you don’t let yourself give in. I wish you well.
And that you managed to resist the temptation of the Grand National.
Also good that you are getting on with your uni work – sounds like you have a plan. Have you a choice about your next period of study or is that already set for you?
It feels like quite a while since you last gambled … I’ve kinda lost track – but keep it going and keep posting.Although I’m about 40 years older than you – that sounded like my story.
The first thing I realised was that I was in the grip of a powerful addiction – and I had to take it seriously. I couldn’t ban myself from places (that is more recent than me) so I moved away from my “haunts” to a new town. I made it difficult to access money and I kept myself busy. Evenings I went to GA meetings and at weekends I either worked or found courses to do that took all day. I tried to be as “compulsive” about my recovery as I was about my gambling. I had relapses but they became fewer and fewer and eventually I stopped – not sure exactly how long but I have been about 8 years free of my poison.
I was not a “bad” person – it was my behaviour that was bad – and I needed to work on things like my low self-esteem and issues from my past – anger etc.
Of course I can’t say if I will ever gamble again or not – I feel far away from it at the moment. I still keep away from all forms of gambling in case I have a lapse – but I feel that is only like a person with a strawberry allergy avoiding the fruit. Others can eat – but not me. I hope that helps. I wish you well.
Thanks for posting again. You said ” I went right back firing huge hands when I said I would have better willpower and know when to walk.”
That was my addiction in a nutshell – I am POWERLESS over gambling – I don’t have the will power and there is no point in my testing it. Okay occasionally in the past I have walked away when I was up and felt good about myself for a few days or weeks even … but it doesn’t last. Whenever I went back I would eventually lose and usually lose heavily.
You are experiencing what I experienced. As I think I have said before, the only answer is to put the effort into recovery that is put into our gambling. Good that you have come clean to your girlfriend. Are you ready (and is she willing) for her to handle your finances, because you seem to have very easy access to money. When you go to GA – can she go to GAMANON as well – so that she knows how it is to be with a gambler. She will get the support SHE needs to be with you.
You completed over 100 days gamble free which is no mean feat. Feel proud of that and build on it next time. Put barriers in place – bar yourself from the places where you might gamble. Get as much help and advice from GA and from the forums and groups here. Keep posting and I hope you are gf for good.
The tips for stopping gambling are elsewhere on this site and if you read other people’s post on here you will see them re-iterated time and again. So here goes:
1) Ban yourself from all the places you might be tempted to gamble at – both online and off.2) Get as much support for yourself as possible – usually through a self-help group such as GA – http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/mtgdirNET.html or similar. You can also see if there is counselling available via your medic.
3) Carry as little money as possible with you and if you can hand over your finances to someone you trust – even if just for the early days.
4) Keep as busy as possible with things that are not going to make a dent in your finances – and that will take your mind away from gambling.
My personal opinion is that you have to work your recovery as hard as you work your gambling. I went to meetings every evening and found things to do at weekends (courses etc) that took up ALL my time so that I could not go out and gamble. I was not an online gambler.
You are young and you can see where you are headed if you don’t stop – a great insight – I wish I had had it when I was your age. I have seen people go to prison, lose their homes and families and even their lives to gambling. If you can stop now you will change your life for the better … I wish you well.
Looks like my warning may have come too late. Good that you are going through the step of self-excluding – though it seems it is quite a process where you are.
I always used to think that I was not a “real” gambler because I only played on slots (fruit machines in the UK) and I think that is partly what pushed me into my short lived casino career, but I know destructive – not just in money terms but in terms of stress and worry ANY form of gambling can be – and for any amount – if it is more than you can afford. I hope the rest of your self-exclusion goes without a hitch and that you have a good gf remainder of the week.
My father was a compulsive gambler – he was into sports betting – my addiction was slots. I understand that a lot of children of gamblers become gamblers themselves. That doesn’t mean it’s hereditary – it could be that children learn the behaviour from their parents – lets face it, it sounds like you had a lot of exposure to gambling.
As for hypnosis – yes I tried it – but I can’t say if it worked or not because I was doing so many other things at the time. But I remember I had a good gambling free period afterwards – although I did bet again eventually.
If you really want to quit you need to focus on 4 areas:
Banning yourself from places where you will gamble both online and off.
Having minimal access to finance to gamble with – preferably by handing control over to a trusted family member or close friend.
Getting as much support as possible for yourself – by contacting self-help groups or counseling or non-judgemental people close to you.
Keeping yourself busy – with things that take your mind off gambling and will not put you into further debt.
It isn’t easy to stop gambling – but it is possible. I haven’t gambled on slots for nearly a decade … I live a lovely gamble free life travelling the world (well a few countries anyway – I’ve only just started.) Get in touch with a local self-help group or counselor and get support for yourself. Keep asking questions and scour the internet. I hope you find answers that mean you won’t gamble again. I wish you well.
I hope you manage to self exclude ok. I know some people have been tempted just by logging onto sites in order to do this – so stay strong.
I know that trying to live on a tiny budget whilst paying debts off isn’t easy and it is tempting for your brain to tell you that the easiest way to get out of this mire is to gamble again! You KNOW better. Manage on your low budget. I saw it as a challenge that I needed to get through. I did it and I am sure you can too. Take care.
You stop gambling – is the easy answer. Easier said than done. I take it you have read around the site and know that you need to ban yourself from places where you might gamble. You need to curtail your use of money to gamble with (pass the responsibility of your finances onto your fiance – does she know about your gambling?) And you need to get support, not just from here but from your local area – a self-help group such as GA and / or counselling via your GP or (if you are in the UK) Gamcare.
I know from experience that none of this is easy – and for me there were a lot of slips along the way. I tried to put as much effort into my recovery as I did into my gambling and eventually it worked. It will work for you too – if you work it.
So that’s the practical advice. Talk to people on here via groups and get as much advice as you can and work on what will work for you. I wish you well.
You learnt to come back here and admit to it – which is no small deal. A lot of people (including myself) would keep quiet when going back to gambling because of the shame.
This isn’t an easy time – it’s like a withdrawal from drugs except that you get a bed in a rehab for that. Keep posting, keep talking, get as much support as you can and keep strong. This is just a relapse – you can go on and be gambling free – I know it!
Do you need to do anything? You chose to be a good friend and to be there for him – isn’t that reward enough? What did you want / expect in return? Sometimes people need support and are not always able / willing to give it back. Sometimes people can be supportive and are happy to just be there for someone else.
I guess you are feeling in need of support for what you are going through at the moment – and you will get that from being on here and from going to self-help groups or sites on-line. Don’t give up on being supportive though – it can be rewarding in unexpected ways!