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you come into a group and give good advice and I always enjoy the chats we have – so there’s something that you do.
You could expand on that – why not join facebook (if you are not on already) and look up some of your old friends – it would be easy to get back in touch again. I don’t know what hobbies you had before – but there is bound to be a forum for whatever it was – which you could join and before long you would be chatting away.It may not feel like much – but it would be a start and eventually you may want to pick up some of the things you used to do before gambling took hold.
Anyways have a good rest of the Easter weekend and maybe chat again soon.
I felt that we were cut off prematurely in chat, last night. I hope you are feeling better and are getting stronger day by day. At least the weather here (and I assume where you are) is better and the chance to top up that tan may happen over the weekend.
Just take things easy for a bit and don’t stress out too much about the holiday and so on – leave off thinking about the future until you feel stronger. For now – just pamper yourself.
If you are thinking about suicide then it would be well to talk to someone at Crisis Services Canada (crisisservicescanada .ca) They should also have the information about GA or similar in your area.
You will probably need tell your husband what the immediate situation is anyway. It would be better to tell him than for him to find out in a bad way. I would imagine if he is working then there would be ways to find money to cover the immediate situation. It would be wise for you not to have access to the family finances whilst you are still gambling, but I know losing control is a difficult decision for gamblers. If you can – get your husband to look at some of the posts in the families and friends forum, where he can see what he might need to do to support not just you, but himself and the child as well.
I wonder if you are having any counseling or support for your problem with alcohol? If not, I suggest that you talk to a medical professional about your issues and see if counseling could be available to you.
Don’t feel that you are alone with this – reach out to others who understand and try and put the shame you feel to one side. There is no shame in asking for support – I have done so and do not regret it. I wish you well.
Of course your friends will not trust you if they do not know what is going on. The only way to get trust back is to tell them the truth. Lets face it, they are probably going to find out anyway.
I’m sorry but I can’t email you directly as I am only another user of the site. I will flag your last message up to the moderators so that hopefully someone from the actual support team at GT can be in touch with you. Take care.
It sounds like you need to speak to your friends and explain what has happened. You are not a bad person because you have lost this money – it is your behaviour that is bad. Possibly they can help you – or refer you to an organisation that can help in Vietnam. If you need to “speak” to someone there is a 1-2-1 service here. Please reach out – do not keep this all to yourself.
I wish you well.I didn’t just switch off like that. It took me many years to stay stopped. I did manage about 3 or 4 years at one point and then went back to it (under stress) but each time I “slipped” the damage was a little less.
The first thing I did was to tell people. I told a friend (who then pulled me out of an arcade later) and I told a counsellor who suggested GA. I then decided to put as much effort into my recovery as I had into my gambling – which was a lot. I went to as many GA meetings as I could fit into a week, I carried on with the counselling and I made sure that I didn’t have time to gamble by taking courses at weekends – my most “difficult” time. Possibly having someone alongside me, supporting me may have made things easier? Who knows – I wasn’t in a relationship when I decided to stop – and I didn’t gamble when in the relationships I had after making that decision.
So – tell people, get support, use your time more constructively and get support around your finances – AND if you can – bar yourself from places where you gamble.
I hope this works for you and you can keep gamble free.
You wrote: “I feel as though I can fairly easily not gamble …”
I wish that had been the case for me. I found that gambling is one of the most persistent addictions – precisely because we believe the easiest way to get back what we have lost is to gamble again. Yes you can earn £10K – but it will take a lot of time and effort and the temptation to win it in a bet will always be there.
But to answer the question you asked … If you don’t mind how long it takes to get your £10k back – then all you have to do is work for it. Either do more hours in your current job or take on something else in the time that you would have used to gamble with. This will also lessen your chances of betting again.
A rough calculation would be if you earned an extra £100 per week and put it in a interest bearing account, you should get to £10K in just over 2 years. That would be a challenge – but is do-able. Selling some of your possessions may be another option.The danger is seeing this money as “extra” and in time maybe money to gamble with. Remember that as a problem gambler, having money lying around can be like having tokens to bet with. So, get support for your gambling urges – phone helplines, go to meetings, ban yourself from gambling establishments – ensure that your recovery is strong – and then look at ways of getting yourself back on your feet financially again. I wish you well.
You are not a loser because you have “lost” money at gambling nor is everything your fault. There is no reason to hate yourself and you must find a way to love yourself again.
The problem is not with “you” as a person – but in your behaviour which has been manipulated by the gambling industry. Try and separate yourself from your addiction and know that you can change the behaviour that causes you pain.
You say that you nearly lost your girlfriend – so do I take it from that, that you are still together. If so, you must be loved by someone – so reason to care for yourself too! Does your girlfriend know of your gambling? Does anyone else? It is difficult to break this addiction by yourself – so you will need to share your problem with others. See if there are self-help groups in your country, or talk to a medic, a trusted friend, your girlfriend if you are able and if you can ask someone you trust to handle your finances for you for a while.
Keep yourself busy with things that are not related to gambling – and in your case why not make a start on your interest in Norwegian? If you google, “future learn Norwegian” you will find a link to a free on-line beginner’s course in the language – and there are other on-line sites where you can link with Norwegian speakers who may wish to learn your native language.
Not having any money does not have to be a barrier to getting what you want. It does make things more difficult so you may have to think creatively – but things like this can be done.
I have been free of slot gambling (my addiction) for over 10 years – so please believe that people can and do come through this. You can too.
Just adding to the other comments that I am sad that your holiday didn’t live up to what you had hoped for. I also have lots of tummy problems so know what it is like to be stuck in for days because of it.
Glad that things look rosier now that you are home with family. Hopefully we can chat in groups at some time in the near future. Keep well.One of the things I realised through the large amount of counselling I have been through is how much my feelings get in the way of my thinking. When I was gambling there were so many feelings going through me. Not just guilt and shame at what I was doing, but anger at myself and at the gambling industry, grief for what I had lost, sadness for what I was missing out on ….
The best counsellors gave me a space to discharge my feelings – to get angry, to shout, to feel the pain and yes – to cry. And I found that once I had discharged some of the emotions, I could think clearer – see myself in a more positive light and learn that I was hurting and that gambling was my way of numbing the hurt – a way that was not healthy in so many ways.
I know you see a counsellor once a month – is there any way in which you could increase this – or could your counsellor give you any suggestions of ways in which you could work on your emotions yourself with a friend or someone there to support you? I found CCI co-counselling so useful – but I know it is not available in very many countries but you could google to see if yours is one.
It is good to see you still posting here and using this as a way of getting through. Keep strong.
I am really sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my mother to suicide whilst I was still gambling and I remember gambling on the day of her funeral. It was what I needed to do at the time I guess – and gambling is performing a similar need for you – to take the pain away for a short time. The trouble is that gambling doesn’t only rid us of our pain, it rids us of our bank balances too.
You need to find a better way of coping with your grief other than gambling. Befrienders .org has a bereaved by suicide page which has suggestions on moving forwards and links to organisations which may be able to help in several countries (I can’t tell where in the world you are.) As RG has said, counselling or grief groups would help – you may find other ideas about how to cope through people dealing with similar difficulties in their own lives. Can you talk to your medical professional, GP or similar? They may know of resources in your local area.
You say you had your families full support when you stopped gambling before. Is it possible to get support from them now? If you could get someone else to handle your finances whilst you are working on healing, that would at least put the brakes on the money losses. There is lots of information on this site about the practicalities of stopping gambling – but it is emotional support you need now – from real humans, NOT from a slot machine. Get in contact with people, in person if you can – or by email etc. There are online groups here if you want to chat. I deeply hope you can find the support to come through this.
If this is your first time into gambling – then just draw a line under it and move on with your life.
You have discovered that you are not able to stop when you are winning but have the urge to keep going. That is the downfall of the problem gambler. The lure of the gamble is greater than any win and money ceases to have any value other than as tokens to carry on gambling with.
You have told your wife what is going on – that’s great. If you feel tempted to try your luck again – ask her to keep your finances for you until this passes. You could try scratching off the 3 figure number on the back of your credit / debit cards so that you cannot use them on-line but can still use them for real life transactions. Ban yourself from gambling sites – google how this can be done in your country or state.
I hope this is a one-off experience for you and yes it has proved expensive – but some of us have lost houses, jobs, partners and good health through gambling. Don’t join the ranks by trying to win back what you have lost. Keep strong.
It is what we do. So don’t beat yourself up about it. Just draw a line under it – don’t go chasing losses.
Now is the time to heal – to lick your wounds and take life gently. When you feel a bit better have a think about what triggered you and how you can find defences against the casinos – you are resourceful so I know you can do it.
And talk to someone – don’t be on your own with this. There is 1-2-1 here or ring a helpline like befrienders. We all need support at times.
Hello Jack and thank you for posting here. You sound pretty desperate and I think it is important that you reach out to someone. There is Befrienders .org who will have the helpline number near you – and they in turn may know of organisations local to you that can help. You can also speak to people on a 1-2-1 here. If you read around the site – you will be able to see the practical things you need to do to stop gambling – banning yourself from gambling sites, restricting time and finances – but I think the thing you need is to feel you are not alone with this. We gamblers tend to be solitary people. Whether it is on-line or even in a casino – we prefer to just be with the machine or the event – rather than having to interact. But in order to recover, we need to reach out.
You managed to stop on your own for 12 months and that is a great achievement, but staying stopped is what you want and I think that means looking at what is pulling you back to gambling time and time again. GA will help by hearing other people’s stories and feeling part of the community of recovering gamblers. Counselling, through your medic or via a local gambling help organisation (again befrienders may help with this) or finding some other non-judging, supportive group perhaps through another interest.
You will need to tell your wife at some point. It might be as well to get some support before you do this as it will be painful for both of you. She can get support from the friends and families forum here – and there are group sessions on-line here. Also GAMANON is often available for relatives alongside GA meetings. Please talk to someone as soon as you can and unburden yourself. It would be great to hear how you are doing, either by posting here again or seeing you in one of the on-line groups. I wish you well.
Thanks for posting at a difficult time. I take it that the unaccounted monies have been used for gambling? If this is so – then it is theft and you are in serious trouble. You are likely to lose your job, you may well have the police involved and I don’t know what the penalties are for theft in your country – but I am sure you can research that. I may be reading this wrong – but I would be getting some legal advice local to yourself and preparing yourself to come clean about things. If you can think of someone in your workplace that you can speak to first – perhaps to give you some support, that might be helpful. They might know if your employer will or will not take police action. Showing that you are wanting to work on giving up your addiction will help. EACAS is an organisation in Uganda offering help with gambling addiction but I am not sure if there would be a cost involved. I hope I have read the situation wrong and that you will not lose your job. Come back to us to clarify if you can. I wish you well.