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Hearing the words “it’s terminal” is quite a blow and I know you must be really concerned for Pete and his sister. I hope you can be a support to him as he goes through a difficult time.
Things do seem to be getting better on your own health front and you sound much more positive than you were when you came back from holiday. I hope you keep getting better and better and that things have turned a corner for you. Speak soon I hope.
Great to hear such positive news as well.
The important thing now is to stay stopped. Treat your gambling as some would treat an allergy – it is alright for other people to eat seafood – but if I do it could kill me. As it is not worth the risk, I won’t do it – and lets face it I am no worse off – even if I really do miss the taste of prawns!You will get the urge to gamble again, I know it happens to all of us – but you can push past these urges and they do lessen as time goes on. T
Thanks for posting and have a great gambling free life!
I know it is easier said than done – but try not to think about your losses. The temptation is to chase them and that you MUST NOT do. Draw a line under them – put it down to the price you had to pay to find out about your addiction / way to recovery. Think of it as an investment! Many business people make serious losses and think of them as a learning experience – I think we need to do the same.
Similarly, you are not stupid. Most gamblers, in my experience, are brighter than average. It is just that we have an addiction which causes us to be out of control of one aspect of our behaviour. Once we realise that and know that we are unable to gamble – we can eliminate it from our lives.
I know that is easier said than done. I expect that you are feeling the early withdrawal symptoms and need to work through them. Take good care of yourself and speak to people if you need to. There are the groups here (where we “met,” and also 1-2-1. Did you get anywhere with counselling through GAMCARE? I think they also have a help-line if you need back up.
It is good to see you reaching out again through the forum and I am sure others will comment and encourage you in your recovery. I wish you well.
Monica – two falls in two days doesn’t sound right to me. I’ve only had one fall this year – and that was on a slippery rock on a beach. I know you are seeing doctors – but do they know about this? Could it be the medication you are on which is making you wobbly! I really think you should get things checked out. Glad to hear that generally you are feeling better and I do so hope you are on the mend. You have been through a lot in the last few weeks.
Take good care of yourself, maybe speak soon.
When it gets like that do you need to talk to someone? You could use the one to one support on here or maybe there is a helpline in your country – I’m not sure where you are based. Sometimes just knowing that I am not alone with my stuff is all I need – even if I don’t say very much (or make very much sense when I do!)
There is chat tonight at 23.00 Dublin time (which is where I am) so if I am still awake then I will try and log on if you want to vent. Maybe “speak” later. If not I hope tomorrow is a better day.
It is interesting that often, the most significant sentence in a post is the poster’s first. Here’s yours:
“It’s been a roller coaster ride and in hindsight I can’t believe what an absolute idiot I’ve been.”
In hindsight – as we don’t stop to think about things when we are in the pull of gambling.
The thing is that you KNOW you have a gambling problem. You KNOW that it is doing you harm and yet you still go on gambling. Idiotic – maybe, but I guess that gambling is wired into your brain as your way of dealing with “stuff” – that stuff is the emotions that you have difficulty dealing with – which includes (from reading your post) anger.
So you now know that anger is a trigger for you and will inevitably pull you back to gambling – can you defy the pull?
Great that you have self – excluded but from your post I can see that you are already thinking of ways around that. There is a large part of you that wants to continue gambling and that is the problem – we are trying to control another part of ourselves – our self-destructive behaviour.
This can’t be done alone. You see in a 50/50 situation – sometimes we will control our gambling but at other times we won’t and that is when the damage is done. In order to stay stopped you will need others to support you. In the first instance – others who are going through it or have passed through which you will find in GA or other gambling help groups and forums (chat on here or at Gamcare if you are in the UK.)
If you can enable it and if your partner is willing – then there are resources here and support from GAMANON and similar groups for family support (and individual support for her in living with a compulsive gambler.) I would also suggest that you look at counselling to look at less destructive ways for you to deal with your emotions – so that when you are triggered by them, you can resist gambling by having a constructive alternative. When I am triggered by anger I take myself away from the situation and walk it out – walk for a long period until the “red mist” vanishes and I can think more clearly. I do ensure I try and walk in a countryside area and not near pubs or arcades!!
So I am not going to wish you luck – rather wish you the strength to reach out to others and get the support that you need. Take care.
It is good to hear from you. I am sorry that things are difficult at the moment – seems like you are going through a real withdrawal. This is a time for healing – you need to just be gentle with yourself and take as much time as you need to get back on an even keel. Treat yourself to something nice every day – even if it only something small – at least you know you are being good to yourself. Congrats on your gambling free weeks – I hope you can keep posting here.
Hi Jakeski – it seems like you have taken the first step to realising you have a problem – i.e. admitted to someone that the problem exists.
Obviously your gambling is affecting your relationship – but I have to ask, do you want to stop? If so, then there is advice that we can give you, but it will have to be done by you – and it will not be easy …
Your fiancee may wish to look at the friends and families forum on here and decide if she wants support for herself. Both of you working on the problem might be powerful when things get difficult, but that will be a decision for her. I will leave it there for now. I am sure you have read other posts on the forum and know what practical measures to take – but I think you have to answer the question above first.
Hi Anigdavis – sorry to read about your losses, but I guess you know that it means that you cannot gamble “normally.”
Self exclusion will help to put a barrier in the way, as will carrying very little cash or cards with you – just enough for day to day needs – but these are just barriers, the urges to gamble will come back and you will need to be strong. Try and get as much help and support as you can. Talk to supportive friends or (if available in your area) contact a self-help group like GA. There you will not be judged but you will be heard. Don’t feel ashamed – you have a problem, like some people have a problem with peanuts – you have to avoid gambling – or it will take everything you have. It can be tackled – I have been gambling free for several years so it can be done. Keep strong and get support. I wish you well.
Day 16 is definitely better than day 15 – so well done you. I hope things start to ease off for you and you can enjoy life more and more. Have a great gf week!
Just for a few more days. Drove down through Tipperary, Limerick and into Cork today and am now staying in a log cabin in someone’s garden. Gone from a 3 bed cottage to a bedsit – but it is cosy and will do for a week. After that I am off to Rosslare for the ferry to Wales where I am staying for another week before going back to England.
I don’t think I will be trying any more GA groups – I am happy enough here and I am interested in other ways of working rather than 12 step – not that there is anything wrong with 12 step, but I know it is not for everybody.
There are many people who have years of gambling free life behind them – so please have faith that it can happen.
I know what worked for me – I can’t say if it will work for others, but being honest was a key factor. Also not keeping “stuff” to myself, but finding a safe space to offload it – whether that be a counselling room or a group room or a close and trusted friend. There will be times when things feel like they are too much to deal with (debt was a key one for me) and the only solution is to clean the mind of all rational thoughts – by gambling. Of course, gambling only makes the situation worse, but we don’t see that when we are in that pre-action state.
By pre-action state I mean that time when we have a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. Should I go to the casino? I could just stay for 1 hour and limit myself to £20. I learnt, eventually, that when I hear that conversation in my head – that it is a trigger that needs to be dealt with – and I side with the angel and go off and talk about what has brought me to that point.
Seems like I am rambling. Congrats on your gambling free time and I am looking forwards to new posts.
Hi Vera – just thought that I would let you know that I went to my first GA meeting in nearly 20 years last night. Nothing much has changed – readings, therapies around the room, short reading, serenity prayer and home – (or in my case to the Chinese around the corner!)
It felt a bit perfunctory and I am not sure how much people were gaining from it – but then there were no “new” members there who may have needed help and advice.
I don’t feel any pull to get involved again – I think being here is enough for now. Hope you are doing well.It sounds like your trip to DR disrupted your health in quite a major way – so I would take things as easy as possible if I were you. Time to call on some support for yourself (as you have been very supportive of others in the past.)
Good that you are getting medical advice and are able to rule some issues out. I think it will be a relief when you are able to pin the cause down. Keep posting and keep us updated. Hopefully chat soon.
You have a problem with gambling. It is an addiction, a behavioural problem but that does not make you a failure. You DO need to talk to someone. I know you feel embarrassed to do this, but I don’t know anyone who has beaten this addiction on their own.
In the first place call a suicide prevention line if you are having thoughts about that again. It will probably be the Samaritans or Befrienders. Second – if you are in school, they will probably have a counselling service that you can access – possibly on an emergency basis. Do not just walk away from your education – talk to someone there, that is what they are there for, to deal with the struggles that some people have whilst they are learning. Third – you need to come clean with your parents – they will be worried about you, especially if you leave school with no means of support.Also see if there is a support group in your area – such as Gambler’s Anonymous – there is a link on this site to the international website. They will advise on blocking yourself from gambling sites from the country you are in.
You didn’t gamble when you were in the US, so you know you can stop. All you need to learn is how to stay stopped.
Try and get a change from pasta – I know when I was gambling I was only eating baked beans – but I think that is more a British thing! I wish you well.