Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
There are lots of ways of using up free time. This morning I spent about an hour deleting unwanted emails and putting those I did want to keep into the right folders. I expect I could expand that to all my free time if I worked at it. But I guess that isn’t what you mean.
You are wanting to do something inspiring, something sensational …. I can’t tell you what that is. A wiser man than me once said “the one who has a why to live can put up with any how.” In other words if you can find your own reason for being on this planet, you will put up with any hardship just to make a go of your life. So what will it be … What were you wanting to do with your life before you got sidetracked into gambling. Is this something you can pick up.
I got down and depressed for a while after I stopped gambling because my finances never got any better. Then I realised that being poor does not mean that my life has to stop – I just need to see not having money as a challenge and find ways around things. Of course the other thing you can do with your time (not gambling) is to earn more. Take on more work or find another part-time job – or buy and sell something that you know about. Be careful not to burn out though.
I think I have prattled on enough. For me – finding support in the early days of not gambling would be my priority. I hear you want to go it alone – I am just not sure that is possible. I wish you well.
So I am not surprised that you are comforting yourself by buying things. At one time I would have comforted myself by gambling … Necessary items that we have been putting off buying seems a much better choice.
As for the acupuncture thing – just walk away. I am never happy with pushy service … does not seem like customer care to me. Time to move on.
This is a difficult time for you and I don’t know if I can give any advice right now. Except to say that I am sure you can get through this.
And when you get through this remember how horrible it was and vow never to go there again. Recommit to your recovery and do all you can to stop. I know you can do it.Hi Idi – I’m glad that you are happy! I think your post raises the interesting point about having the gambling problem – is all out abstinence the way to go, or can we gamble in a more controlled way?
I know when I was in GA – ANY form of gambling was frowned upon because (perhaps rightly) it was felt that a win would mean more ammunition for our addiction. But when people ask me when the last time I gambled was I always hesitate. I try and make it clear that I have not gambled ON SLOTS – COMPULSIVELY for around 20 years. So unpacking the latter first, compulsively – because I have had the odd relapse or “slip” (the last being around 8 years ago) but they were one-offs, usually linked to me seeing if I still had the problem. On slots, because some time after feeling I was on top of my gambling addicition I went back to playing the lottery on occasions ( and when I won it didn’t send me to the slot machines), I would do scratch cards if I recieved them as presents (I have never bought one) and the occasional charity raffle. Does doing a charity tombola at a fete mean I am gambling – if so I hold my hand up to that too.
So I think it was important for me to know that I was addicted to slots – but other forms of gambling I could do without the endless cycle of buying more to chase losses etc – even buying more to get the buzz. BUT I went through an experience last year that made me decide to cut out all gambling. It wasn’t gambling per se – but it was an experience that could have meant me winning a large sum of money. It didn’t happen, but the feelings it generated of wanting it and then feeling guilty about it all, made me realise that I am not comfortable with any form of gambling – even any form of competition. So I have gone on to be a purist! But it is my decision based on what I feel comfortable with and not responding to anyone else’s judgement or opinions.
So carry on being happy – enjoy a life without compulsive gambling and if you can find what works for you – go to it.
So sorry to hear your news. I hope things are okay with you and that you can be there for Pete and others. My thoughts are with you.
One of the big problems with this addiction is that one route the gambler sees out of the harm that gambling has caused is to continue gambling until we get the “big win.” This is an illusion – partly because you might never get there and partly because if you did have the big win – the temptation would be to keep going. You have said you do “love it and hate it at the same time” so it would be difficult to stop – until you have to.
I was really sorry to hear about your loss – and I can understand that it is difficult to access counselling to talk about things like this. Please be persistent – it may be worth paying for private counselling (it will be cheaper than gambling in the long-term) but ensure that you feel comfortable with the counsellor. Most will have a free introduction session so you can see. You could also try Mind and Cruse in your area to see if they can offer support.
There are the support groups here if you would like an on-line talk with people also experiencing gambling problems. It’s not counselling but a chance to let some of your feelings out perhaps? I wish you well.It is hard to think clearly when we are caught up in addiction – but what you have written is the sort of thing I would have said 30 years ago (although my betting wasn’t on-line.)
I think we have all tried “controlled betting” – what if I only bet to a certain amount, only on one game / machine, only until I win, only if the day has a “S” in it. As you know none of that works and eventually we plunge back into the betting, losing, chasing, more losing pattern that we know so well.
How do we get free? You’ve attempted one thing – which is losing access to gambling – renew your efforts with gambling blocks – GAMSTOP and Gamban. You could try applying for a new credit card (cut up the old one) and scrubbing out the 3 digit code on the back before you remember it – so that it can’t be used on-line.
I think the main thing you need to confront is sharing with someone. I noticed that your gambling started after a “traumatic event.” Gambling is a great way to blot out pain; my guess is that once you stop gambling all the emotions will come up again and I think you need support to deal with them. If you are in the UK, Gamcare https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/our-treatment-offer/ provide counselling on a one-to-one or group basis – or you could try talking to your GP. You may also consider opening up to a family member or trusted friend who could listen without judgement. There are also self-help groups like GA – who again will listen to what you have to say and probably give some locally based advice. https://www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/
Others on here may have different advice – take on board what works for you – but do get good support for yourself.
I’m not in Ireland anymore but practising my French in Belgium. Sad to hear that you have had a rough time and would love to talk to you some more about it. Maybe see you in chat??
If you are feeling suicidal please call someone before anything else. There is a helpline – Metro – Manila LifeLine Centre
tel: 02 -896 – 9191
and
cell phone 0917 -854 – 9191You also can contact Gamblers Anonymous in Manila – *FRIDAY*
Makati G.A.- Machiato Group
7:30 PM
Bo’s Coffee Shop
1st Floor Glorietta 5 Ayala Center
Makati, Metro Manila, Philippines
Open MeetingI think you need to rethink your strategy as it really isn’t working. You are feeling bad about yourself because you can’t pay money back – so you gamble and drink which is costing more money. This can’t go on.
Consider telling your mother what is going on – she would rather hear this than to hear that you are in hospital or worse because of your own actions or the actions of those you owe money to. Can you bar yourself from the places you gamble at? Try not to carry money with you and find something else to do with your time.
But please get help and support locally and don’t do anything drastic that you will regret.
A lovely post. Thanks for sharing this, I hope you can now move forwards with your recovery.
It puzzles me how strange we are about money. I would agonize about which brand of beans to buy and yet think nothing of putting £50 into a machine which gives me nothing.
One thing I do know is that money brings up feelings and feelings are not good things to act on. My main feeling around money is one of guilt. Here’s an example. I didn’t have a holiday for 10 years – so I decided to go out walking instead. Free right. After a while I decided to do part of the trans-pennine trail, a long distance walk that passes nearby. You’re a Yorkshire lass – so you’ll know it. That was fine for the first few days / weeks. Then as I got further into it I had to drive to start points – I remember the agony of that … something like “I can’t just drive out for a walk!” Eventually, of course, I got to a point where it made more sense to stay overnight somewhere than to drive there and back a few times. So my first holiday was the other side of Doncaster in a motel with paper-thin walls and no breakfast. And I still thought, “I SHOULDN’T BE DOING THIS.”
Yes there were money worries at the time and I was feeling it was wrong not to put every last penny into paying debts off – but I also (with my thinking head on) knew that £30 was not going to make a lot of difference – and I needed to change my life in some small way … the way I wanted it to go.
So it could be that the feelings you get around money are a trigger for you. Time perhaps to take deep breaths and break away until you can think clearly about what you need (in terms of the shop) and if you can really afford the wants (those extras that make life worthwhile – you still deserve them!)
Whilst I’m here – can I just say it is not useful to think in terms of always and never. “I’ll never go on holiday / I’ll never get a new car.” You don’t know that and it will bring you down to dwell on those things. There may be ways in which you could blag free holidays. My friend goes dog sitting and gets at least one or two free stays a year looking after mutts. Or you could (if you have the energy) look into working holidays – where you do some work to pay for your board and lodgings somewhere. https://wwoof.net/#destination https://www.rspb.org.uk/get-involved/volunteering-fundraising/volunteer/residential-volunteering/
But I guess my idea of a holiday might be different from yours! 🙂You are in the right place. Read around the site. Read the forums and the advice that has been given to other people.
If I had only one piece of advice to give it would be – take your recovery as seriously as you took your gambling. Do everything and I mean everything you can to stop and stay stopped.
If someone suggests something and you feel resistance – look at what is going on. Why not try GA, why not put a blocker on your phone, why not pass on your financial dealings to someone else. There may be good reasons for not doing these things – but often it is the gambling wanting to be stronger than the recovery.
I tried everything – counselling, hypnotherapy, acupuncture, meditation. Some things worked better than others. Some I stuck with and some I dropped – but anything that was suggested then I had a go at. That was the committment to myself.
This seems to have been the week for relapses. I keep writing that it what we do as gamblers we gamble. I know it is hard, but try not to beat yourself up about it.
You will get through til payday. I guess you are going to have a difficult talk with hubby – he will feel let down. Can you get him to be more involved in your recovery? He can see now how it affects him as much as you.
Learn from your relapse – what was the trigger? What feelings did you go through? At what point could you have stopped yourself, so that when you hit that point again you can do something different, call someone, talk to someone.
It is good to see you back here – sorry it is in such difficult circumstances. Redouble your efforts and keep strong. Speak again soon.
of those relapses where not much financial damage is done, sometimes hardly any – but you feel crap because you are at it again and feeling all that pain you had when gambling was your life.
I had to learn from my “slips.” What were the warning signs – the trigger to the relapse. Then act before the urge becomes reality. Talk to someone – a counsellor, GA contact, a loved one. Admit to being weak in the face of gambling urges and redouble your barriers if you can.
Once the feelings have subsided – look if there is something practical you can do to stop them from resurfacing. Mine was as simple and changing my daily walk, which was often in the city – to one in the countryside. No adverts, no betting shops (not that I used them but they were a gambling reminder) less stress.
Try and focus on someone or something other than myself. I have written elsewhere today about the benefits of voluntary work – but it might just be treating a friend to something (just time if you have no money) as long as it doesn’t involve gambling of course.
I hope to see you back in chat again. Take care.