[Steev]

Yes you are right – noone else gets it. I, the gambler, am responsible for my own actions and I can’t expect those that don’t have the problem to understand me or my urges. Lets face it – if we really wanted to bet, we would, whether family members or friends were looking out for us or not.

Glad that you are not having urges and that you are keeping going. Try and include something good for you in your busy life. You are working hard – you deserve a treat now and again. Speak soon.

[Steev]

Take each day at a time. If you dwell on what you have done and what you have lost it will just make you miserable and misery can lead to more gambling – just to numb out the feeling.
You have done the right thing by alerting your bank and limiting the amount of money you have access to. You now need to work the rest of your recovery. Are you going to meetings or visiting recovery websites to get support? Have you looked into counseling for yourself? Are you watching out for triggers and ensuring that you can deal with them when they arise?
I know how hard it is when you feel so bad about yourself – but remember that this is the addictive behavior it is not YOU. You need to heal yourself of this addiction and take things slowly. You can get through this.

[Steev]

I know that is what gambling will do to you. I thought I had reached rock bottom with my gambling, but then I met someone who had gone down further than me … There is always another level.

I don’t know what your lowest is – you haven’t said much about yourself, but please believe that you can stop gambling. Read around this forum and look at the tales of people who have stopped for days, months, years and decades. There is lots of information here too about banning yourself from gambling places / websites; not having access to finance; keeping busy and getting good support for yourself.
If you feel you can, maybe write a bit more about your situation so that others here can help you to find your way. There is also the new members group tonight. I wish you well.

[Steev]

Good to get an update and congratulations on your 3 months gambling free.
Yes it does get better, the longer things go on and I think it is good for you to just check in here now and again, to remind yourself of where you have come from.
I am several years gambling free – but I know that it would take just one bet for me to go down the slippery slope – so keeping in touch with things on here does help me to remember my gambling past.
It’s great to hear from you and I hope you can keep posting now and again.

[Steev]

Well done on getting through until payday and all the best in your application for the new job. I hope that works out for you too. You haven’t mentioned any gambling thoughts and I trust that is because there are none! Concentrate on the non-gambling side of your life and things will work out. Good to hear from you.

[Steev]

I hope you are getting better after your holiday. I was reading an article on the BBC News website about DR and US tourists getting ill and worse whilst on holiday there. I don’t think I can post a link here – but if you go onto the bbc news website and search for DR you should find it.
Of course there may be no connection. I do hope your experience won’t put you off travel. I am really enjoying my experience of it – despite the 32 degree heatwave here in Belgium. Hopefully “speak” to you soon.

[Steev]

Hi Stephen. It sounds like you are really struggling at the moment. If you need to “talk” to someone – remember there is one-to-one on this site … or you could come to group – there is an open group in a couple of hours or so. Hope to “speak” soon.

[Steev]

It is a good first step but you have a gambling problem and you NEED to do more than that.

Firstly, you need to consider handing your finances over to someone who will use it properly and not gamble with it. Your wife is the obvious person and I know it will mean telling her – but let’s be honest you are gambling with her future as well (and your children’s!) It is far better for her to be told by YOU that you have relapsed, than she finds out when things are far more difficult down the line. The second thing you need to do is to look at why you relapsed – what was the trigger, were there any warning signs. It is difficult to break this addiction alone and so talking to people who have experience in this area is needed. Contact Gamblers Anonymous or another self-help group in your area and get advice from them – or see if you can find a counsellor, preferably specialising in addiction.
Thirdly – you need to find an alternative to gambling in your life. Can I gently suggest that there is something there for you already. I know as a child of a compulsive gambler – how painful it felt to be second best to sports betting. Don’t let your kids feel the same way. I wish you well.

[Steev]

This forum can help you to stop betting, but it can’t recover the money you have lost. The only ways to do this legitimately are to earn it or to sell your own stuff to replace it. Please don’t try and win it back – gambling caused the problem and it will not solve it.

1000 dollars is a lot of money for a student – but it will be a small price to pay to find out that gambling is not for you. Many people lose that sort of money on new ventures and move on – I think that is what you need to do. So please stop gambling now.

If you need help and advice on your finances I suggest you check if your college has a student counselor or finance adviser – seeing them may be the first step. I wish you well.

[Steev]

anyone document their last two bets like that before.

I remember using the words “I AM DONE.” Unfortunately I used them several times.

If you look around the site – you will see that there are 4 things you need to do to stop gambling. 1) Ban and bar yourself from places and sites where you gamble. 2) Restrict your own access to money – if possible by asking someone you trust to handle it, at least in the short – term. 3) Find ways of using any spare time you have in non-gambling activities, preferably things that will take you well away from even thinking of a bet … and 4) Get support for yourself – most would recommend Gamblers Anonymous in the first instance because the people there have been there, know how to listen and will give good, local advice – but there are other self-help groups and sites and there is counseling.

I hope you are able to sign up to this. Even when you do – as you will see from others’ posts on here it is not an easy ride – but people do come through it and live gambling free lives. You are still young and you deserve to have the life you need. I wish you well.

[Steev]

And finding better(?) ways of spending your time than gambling. (I was proud I didn’t need to look up COD!)

It’s fine to look forward to good news – I am sure the exam result will be fine … and hopefully by then you will have a bit of money to celebrate with.

Glad you didn’t take the gambling bait – the bin is the best place for that. Keep strong and keep posting!

[Steev]

I know that is easier said than done – but worrying will not change anything.  If you think about it – all is okay, as if they do take the money back – well you didn’t think it was yours anyway so you are no worse off.  If they don’t take the money back – then you are in a better position than you thought and I would think of it as your higher power looking out for you.

I was in a similar situation about a year ago – when I was desperate for money to pay bills and made an enquiry about a wrongly sold insurance purchase by my bank.  I had to challenge this via an ombudsman and the bank agreed to pay me out.  I was expecting a payment in the 100s – I got almost 20x as much.  I was like you – have they made a mistake, will they want the money back.  Given how much I have paid banks in interest charges I did feel that even if it was a mistake on their part I deserved to keep the amount.  Also, someone pointed out that if I used the money to pay off credit cards and they then asked for it back – I could say yes … at an amount per month that I could afford and take years over it.

As I say that happened about a year ago and to date they haven’t asked for the money back and I am now fairly certain they are not going to.  That money was desperately needed at the time and I can’t help thinking that someone / something was looking out for me.

I am sure you will feel relief after your counselling session and that you will be able to plan a way forwards for yourself.  Keep posting and letting us know how it is going … I wish you well.

[Steev]

for tomorrow – I hope your exams are easy and your mind is on top of it all!

[Steev]

I wrote about my life at that time.

I was single, not coping with life very well. I bought a small cottage and filled it with the stuff I had from the house with my wife + the stuff I had accumulated whilst I had been living in digs in the Midlands + stuff from my mother’s place. I couldn’t move – and it stopped me from having anyone else round. I remember once having a bad dose of flu and not speaking to anyone for about 3 weeks – I felt like I was turning into my mother!

Work was getting difficult as people were noticing that I wasn’t looking after myself and couldn’t understand why (I told no-one about my gambling) I was passed over for promotion several times – and as someone who had previous management experience – that hurt. So I gambled more and more … I guess to take the pain away. Even after joining GA and admitting I had a problem – I was still gambling because I wasn’t dealing with anything else.

After all this stop / start gambling (which was “better” in that I was slowing down, but painful because I could see how I was still hurting myself,) I came to the decision to take my recovery as seriously as I took my gambling. I decided to change my life.

The biggest decision was to change my job to another part of the country. Once I had done that I had to move … I put my “stuff” in storage and became a lodger again – but this time it was a much better experience. I chose where to move to based on there being no arcades or casinos in the town and a pub nearby without a fruit machine. I also decided to pay for one-way counselling specifically addressing my gambling addiction. I kept up with GA – perhaps too much as I got involved in the running of the organisation which led to a relapse after 3 years without gambling. I’ll write more later.

[Steev]

I went back to your previous thread to see if I could find what was going on for you and found this in your very first post: “It started as a way to pass time at home without having to think about my life and how sad it was becoming.”

That touched me. I know when I was full-on with my gambling I was single, I was having problems at work, I had no life, no friends, nothing to look forwards to – and because of the gambling I figured it would be very hard to change as I couldn’t even afford a short holiday.

I know you have a daughter whom you are supporting, but I wonder if there is a Berta somewhere saying “what about me?” Who is supporting you? I know that you don’t want friends and family to know and that counselling is difficult because of commitments – but lets be blunt – THIS IS YOUR LIFE that we are talking about.

Ok – worse case scenario – what happens to you if you carry on gambling? Can you picture it? For me, it was realising that I would lose my home – then probably my job – I had visions of sitting in shop doorways begging for coins. I knew I was worth more than that – and whatever the vision is for you – know that you are worth more than that.

So here’s the thing – make your recovery the most important thing in your life right now … it is YOUR future. You can’t be there for your daughter if you are in trouble – so make yourself number one. Talk to someone locally about what is available to you – I think RG recommended a mental health organisation in Canada … Get a supporter – either a professional counsellor or a good friend who is there for you and is supporting you – and put your appointments / meetings with them first (even above your work schedule.)

I think when you do give up gambling for some time – you will need to confront your life and “how sad it’s becoming.” You will need support to do this. The good news is that once you take away the mind shackles of gambling you will be able to work out ways of making your life better and hopefully live the life that you deserve. I wish you well.

[Author]

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