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It does sound if there is a lot going on for you and that the gambling was a way of letting off some steam. It is how our brains get wired when we have been gambling for a while – so you are not pathetic or useless at all.
Now that your partner is no longer at the family home – does this leave you space to get some support? If you are in the UK you may be eligible for counselling support through Gamcare – https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/our-treatment-offer/ or talk to your GP or local women’s aid for help with some of the other areas of your life. You can of course use the 1-2-1 here.
The important thing now is to put a full-stop behind the £1500 you have lost and not to try and chase your losses. Also not to think that because you have now gambled again – you may as well continue … these are all tricks that our “gambling mind” will try and tease us with. You went for several weeks without gambling so you know you can do it – just put the same barriers in place – each and every day. Please get support. I wish you well.
I found it interesting that you could say you have been a compulsive gambler for 35 years and yet your wife only found out 12 months ago. That just shows how much we can cover up our gambling and how hidden this addiction is.
I have noticed over the last week how much time you have spent reading and commenting on other’s threads and of course have met up with you in groups.It will get difficult over the next few months. This addiction doesn’t give up on us easily and there will be triggers and urges to deal with for sure. Keep reading around the site and set up good support for yourself in your home environment. Is someone (your wife?) holding your finances for you? Are you keeping too busy to gamble? No money and no time = no bets. I wish you well.
en ik merk dat je hebt gereageerd op discussies van anderen – dus ik neem aan dat je de site hebt gelezen en weet wat je moet doen. Je schreef: "Deze ziekte is erg en ik heb hulp nodig, maar ik weet niet waar ik heen moet …" Wel, je hebt de eerste stap gezet door aan jezelf en aan ons op de site toe te geven dat je een probleem hebt met gokken. De dingen die u moet doen zijn a) uzelf uitsluiten van plaatsen waar u gokt (en in de toekomst in de verleiding zou kunnen komen om te gokken.) b) het minimale bedrag dat u nodig heeft voor het dagelijks leven – om een barrière op te werpen tussen uzelf en uw volgende weddenschap. c) Zorg voor zoveel mogelijk steun voor jezelf – of dat nu vrienden, familie, zelfhulp zoals GA of counseling is. d) Zoek andere manieren om je tijd zonder gokken door te brengen – en in jouw geval zou ik zeggen weg van sport, omdat het kijken naar een spel – vooral in de begintijd waarschijnlijk een trigger voor je zal zijn. Sporten waarbij je jezelf kunt testen, is echter prima. Ik kijk uit naar je volgende bericht.
and I notice that you have commented on others’ threads – so I am assuming you have read around the site and know what you need to do.
You wrote: “This disease is bad and I need help but unsure of where to turn …”
Well you have taken the first step, by admitting to yourself and to us on the site that you have a problem with gambling.
The things you need to do are a) exclude yourself from places where you gamble (and might be tempted to gamble in the future.) b) carry the minimum amount of money you need for day to day life – in order to put a barrier between yourself and your next bet. c) Get as much support for yourself as possible – whether that be friends, family, self-help like GA or counselling. d) Find other ways to spend your time away from gambling – and in your case I would say away from sports, as watching a game – especially in the early days will probably be a trigger for you. Sports where you can test yourself will be fine though.
I look forwards to your next post.и забелязвам, че сте коментирали теми на други хора – затова предполагам, че сте чели из сайта и знаете какво трябва да направите. Написахте: „Тази болест е лоша и имам нужда от помощ, но не съм сигурен къде да се обърна …“ Е, направихте първата стъпка, като признахте пред себе си и пред нас на сайта, че имате проблем с хазарта. Нещата, които трябва да направите, са а) да се изключите от места, където залагате (и може да се изкушите да залагате в бъдеще.) Б) да носите минималната сума пари, от която се нуждаете за ежедневния живот – за да поставите бариера между вас и следващия ви залог. в) Получете възможно най -голяма подкрепа за себе си – независимо дали това са приятели, семейство, самопомощ като GA или консултиране. г) Намерете други начини да прекарате времето си далеч от хазарта – и във вашия случай бих казал далеч от спорта, тъй като гледането на мач – особено в първите дни вероятно ще бъде спусък за вас. Спортът, в който можете да се тествате, обаче ще бъде добре. Очаквам с нетърпение следващия ти пост.
и я замечаю, что вы прокомментировали чужие темы – так что я предполагаю, что вы читали сайт и знаете, что вам нужно делать. Вы написали: «Эта болезнь опасна, и мне нужна помощь, но я не знаю, куда обратиться …» Итак, вы сделали первый шаг, признав себе и нам на сайте, что у вас проблемы с азартными играми. Что вам нужно сделать: между вами и вашей следующей ставкой. в) Получите как можно больше поддержки для себя – будь то друзья, семья, самопомощь, например, общая практика или консультирование. г) Найдите другие способы провести время вдали от азартных игр – и в вашем случае, я бы сказал, вдали от спорта, поскольку просмотр игры – особенно в первые дни, вероятно, станет для вас спусковым крючком. Впрочем, спорт, где вы можете проверить себя, подойдет. Я с нетерпением жду вашего следующего поста.
I too was a teacher (amongst other jobs) for many years and yet I was always in debt.
For me it started with the gambling – but then even when I stopped the repayments didn’t seem to go down and other things (life) happened … But people don’t get it do they? We hear about how bad gambling is – in that it causes depression and suicide and possible prison sentences – but that day to day grinding down by debt and money worries doesn’t seem to get mentioned.
Yeah the trying to make a tin of baked beans last 3 days – or continually checking the “near to sell-by date” at the supermarket for something really cheap. Not going out to a restaurant for lunch, or even a cheap cafe, or even a bought sandwich – but buying cheap bread and the cheapest meat or cheese and putting it together … for a meal out. And all the time, others look on and think that because I have a “professional” job (and in my case 2 or 3) that I should be rolling in it.
You wrote: “The big win no longer seems like a reality …” It isn’t a reality – it won’t happen and while-ever we think it is a possibility there is that danger of chasing it and losing even more.
Get good debt advice. In the UK there is a website called moneysavingexpert .com which has a forum called debt-free wannabees which is mainly self-help and support but does have some vetted debt advisors posting. I should think being in ROI would not restrict your registration. I wish I had used it more. There is probably a lot more I could say – but I will leave it there … hopefully catch up soon.
Sorry that you had a bad experience at GA. It is a self-help group and so is only as good as it can be with the people present. That being said, breaching anonymity is a big no-no and I hope that you could bring it up with the group so that it will not happen again. Is there another meeting nearby that you could go to?
If GA is not possible for you there are other options – e.g. SMART recovery .org which is online and is for all addictions but includes a gambling section … or co-counselling international which again is for anyone with personal problems and is self-help but there is a lot more training involved. Co-counselling .info does show one contact person in Canada – but I don’t know how active things are over there. Then there is one-to-one counselling, which can be expensive but will probably be cheaper than continuing to gamble.
Of course you can stick with the resources on this website – and good to see you in group last night. I hope to see you again.with you on this one. I wonder if events happened before or after you posted here.
Good that you have managed to secure some counselling, I hope it is not too long before you receive it. In the meantime keep posting – I know people here are rooting for ya!
and good to talk to you in group earlier. I know you are finding things tough at the moment – but if you have the time to read through some of the posts on the forum you will see how others have got through the early days and I am sure that you can as well.
As I said in group – not chasing losses is the single biggest thing that we can do to recover. Let it go – look at it as the price you had to pay to find things out about yourself – now you have found things out, there is no need to pay any more.
Focus on getting good support for yourself and ensuring that you don’t have access to the means to gamble or the time to gamble. I wish you well.
I watched the video and found it really useful – so thank you for sharing.
I spent a lot of my time trying to be the person my parents wanted me to be and also trying to be true to myself. As I got older I think it got harder as I found myself being pulled this way and that. Now at the ripe old age of 62 – I think I have reached a happy medium where I no longer care what others think. (Though it does help to be retired and not have a boss and work mates to worry about.)
I can’t remember if you are in counselling at the moment – but if you are then this would be something to bring up. Trying to live up to other people’s expectations is stressful and stress is one thing recovering gambler’s don’t need. Also discovering the “new you” now that you have ditched the label of gambler is part of the process – and can be an interesting and exciting bit!
I always thought you lived by the sea – dunno why I thought that …
I think you could do with a break – what with all the work you have been doing lately … just make sure you keep away from those gambling resorts!
I think you have pretty strong willpower given how long you have been gamble free (if you add up the time before your ‘slip’ and your time since,) but more would always be good.
Anyways keep looking after yourself and have a great gf weekend.
It seems that your gambling is tied up with your work life too which makes quitting even more difficult, but I think you are right – you need to change your work if you are going to get out of the mess you are in.
I would say that it makes more sense to get ANY job at the moment – rather than hanging on for one which will be “helping people.” That can come later when you are more stable in your recovery.
The tools for stopping gambling are all outlined on this site and I am sure you are aware of them. YOu will need local support – possibly from counselling or from a self-help group like Gamblers’ Anonymous, few people crack this alone.
If you are really worried about yourself – please phone someone: a list of helplines by country is available here: https://www.befrienders.org/ I wish you well.