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Just wondering what is happening for you as it has been a while since you last posted! I hope things are good – and it would be good to hear.
I have heard before that there are some medications that can give people gambling urges. (Makes me wonder if there are some that could take them away!) I would be speaking to my medic about this and getting them to change the medication. As I understand it there are alternatives – but most medications have side effects.
What I see is a reluctance to stop – hence not taking the step of banning yourself. YOU need to decide if the cost of gambling is more than what you receive from it. I would say that compulsive gambling is progressive illness and the end results are enough for people to take drastic action.
You say you don’t have any other hobbies and yet earlier you mention going on vacations with your fiancee – I would consider travelling as a hobby and there is nothing to stop you doing more of it – if you can stop giving your money to casino operators and using it to benefit your fiancee and yourself. I wish you well.
It’s an important point. Gambling is NOT a game although it is dressed up as one – especially by those who profit from it.
Gambling is deadly serious – and in order to stop from gambling I had to take it seriously as well.
It was easy for me to think – oh I will only play for 30 minutes – just have a quick game. Or, I will only play with X amount – I can afford to PLAY that. Of course 30 minutes would become 6 hours and X amount would become XXXX amount in no time.
I took my recovery as seriously as I took my gambling. I hope you can find the strength to do the same. Keep working it. I wish you well.
Yes – I remember those waves, when my identity as a non-gambler was not yet secure and I hovered towards doing the things that gamblers do. (Not just actual gambling but things like calculating odds and scheming where to get money from for my next session.)
My answer was to remember that I am a person that no longer gambles and then to think about what that person would be doing instead. I can’t answer the specifics for you – but what were the things you had to drop before gambling, what are things that your family have suggested you do that you have been putting off, what new things have you always wanted to do but never had the time for.
I would also try and contradict my pattern of gambling – which was slots. So instead of holing myself up in a room with no windows, I would get outdoors and get some fresh air.
Part of this is to put new connections in our brains so that when we feel we need a change we don’t think gambling, but rather think cycling or whatever it is for you.
The good news is that these waves will lessen as time goes on – although like waves they can unexpectedly get stronger when you least expect it! I am sure you can cope with them. Keep well.
I nearly cried when I was in a cafe in Paris the other day, because it felt so perfect to be there. I didn’t cry because I find it hard to cry in public.
We are all different!Your recovery is the most important thing to you at the moment and should not be put at risk. I think that watching card games for money is risky and playing is even riskier. Win or lose it might be all you need to start gambling again. Please find an excuse not to go. A dodgy stomach is always a good one for me. Look after yourself you only have a few more days to go before your new life. Don’t blow it.
That might sound like odd advice – but when I am asked to “try and pick up that pencil” and I pick the pencil up – the person could then say “no no I told you to TRY and pick it up.
” So I am going to say to you, don’t try to stop – STOP. Give stopping that sort of committment. You say, “I have tried so many times to stop but have failed every time.” So what will you do differently this time? I realised after stopping and starting so many times – that trying to quit wasn’t working for me. I had to go for a different tack. I acted into the life of a non-gambler. I changed where I went, who I had contact with, what I did on a day to day basis. It was hard not to slip back into my old ways but with support (first GA and then other support groups and counselling) I did this.
Now I live a gambling free life – not even a raffle ticket. Live the new life that you need for both yourself and your family. I wish you well.
I think the first thing to say is that you need to bar exclude yourself from regular casinos but from all casinos that you could travel to. Gamblers will always try and find a way around blocks.
What is your support like? Have you people around you? Have you spoken to anyone on any help-lines? Have you been in touch with your medic to let them know what is happening?
I feel for you – but I think before I could offer anything I would need to know more about your situation. Perhaps you could get support from the 1-2-1s offered here or from groups. You need to stop as soon as possible and put your money where it is needed – looking after your health issues.
I wish you well.it is not easy to end an addiction and an addiction to gambling is really persistant. I found I had to put as much effort into stopping as I put into my gambling which was a lot.
Good that you are blocking access to sites. Can you also block access to money. If your gambling is on-line then you can cut up your cards. If you need to use them off-line order new ones and get someone to scratch out the 3 number on the back, so that they can’t be used for the internet. Make sure they are scratched out well though or you will try and make the numbers out.
I would also suggest that you get good support for yourself.
You can talk to someone at GA by phone and arrange to go to a meeting. If travelling is an issue perhaps they could suggest something – or book a taxi – it will be cheaper than a day’s gambling!
Try and find some way of using your time, so that gambling thoughts don’t enter your head. I know that is not easy – but whatever works for you – you are an expert on you!
I wish you well.Read your previous post to Jen – “don’t worry, we are human.”
Remember we are not our behaviour – don’t identify with it. It is the gambling which is a pathetic nightmare – NOT YOU!You will pick yourself up from this – you did almost 2 months gf which was a great achievement – don’t let go of that.
When you have taken a bit of time to heal from the raw hurt of what has happened, look at the trigger. What caused you to drink and then gamble? What is it that you have not been dealing with? How did you get past your blocks to gambling? Can you now plug these?
All this is for the future – treat yourself gently over the next few days – above all don’t beat yourself up about it and don’t chase losses. You are hurting enough already – don’t make it worse. I wish you well.
You wrote: “Now the guilt and self loathing starts, I feel so stupid to get suckered again after such a positive start to the day.”
Gambling is what defines us as problem gamblers – and just because we have a desire to stop, the links in our brain will put the urges out there – leading to the jitters you felt in the afternoon. It is part of the illness and there is no point in feeling bad about yourself for being ill – so less of the guilt and self-loathing it won’t do you any good!
You feel your trigger was boredom and I wrote a post about that which you will find in the “recovery tools” part of the forum. What your post has brought up for me – is that my piece talks about the dangers of boredom without really saying what to do if you become bored.
I believe boredom (in this context) is the uncomfortable feeling we have when we realize that gambling hasn’t changed anything for the better. Whatever problems gambling was meant to deal with have not gone away – and may (because of the loss of time and money) become worse.
So what was going on in your life before you started gambling – and what was it that gambling was supposed to fulfil? I know what those were for me (and may write about them elsewhere) but for you?
But if all that feels to heavy – then just do things for fun – things that will make you happy and take away some of the tension. Today is the first day of your gambling free life – enjoy it!