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The reason we keep doing it is because of the way our brains are wired. Once we get a taste for gambling it is almost impossible to stop. The gambling sellers know this – that is why they tempt you with free spins and credits in your account.
Again – having relapses is something that we all go through – the thing is to be persistent in your recovery. Use all the techniques for stopping – blockers, not using cards and getting support from others.
You have said in previous posts that you enjoy slots – so instead allow yourself to enjoy something else. What would you like to be doing (that does not invove gambling) perhaps something you have never done before – and make plans to do it. Anything from salmon fishing to taking a helicopter ride. I don’t know what it is for you. But believe me there are other things that can give you a high – a safe non addictive high. Find what it is for you and start taking small steps. I wish you well.
I make no apologies for re-sending the start of my last comment on your thread which was: “Yes – I remember those waves, when my identity as a non-gambler was not yet secure and I hovered towards doing the things that gamblers do. (Not just actual gambling but things like calculating odds and scheming where to get money from for my next session.)”
It is not just about stopping gambling – it is about STAYING stopped – and to do that you have to HAVE TO take on the persona of a non-gambler.
A non-gambler does not watch the racing, never mind deciding on whether a particular horse is going to win or lose. A non-gambler is going to find something else to watch on TV or do something else altogether.
Sorry to sound quite harsh – but I can see a relapse coming up if you don’t change tack quite soon and I would rather be harsh than be right. I wish you well.
If you are having any suicidal thoughts at all – please talk to a helpline – there is a link here https://thelifelinecanada.ca/help/ or here https://www.befrienders.org/ Even if you are not feeling that low – it would be good to call them and talk things out with someone.
When you are back with your parents – could you not let them handle your finances for a while – until you get a grip on this. You know what needs to be done (banning and barring yourself / getting support / finding alternatives) and yet your gambling mind gets around these things.
Let someone you trust take control – just for one day at a time until you can find the strength to pick up the reigns again. You are young and you can get back on your feet again – just give yourself a break and put things in someone else’s hands for a while. Someone who cares about you and has your interests at heart.I know you will get a lot of support here – but please don’t hold back on getting support from your home and your home area. I wish you well.
Just wanting to wish you all the best for your residential next week. I think this is coming at the right time for you – as I think you are very close to stopping completely. I can tell you have had enough – and the battle you are going through feels like the gambling is having its last pull on you because it knows you are going to get it out of your psyche.
Have a good trip and keep strong.My honest answers to the questions you pose – ie “Do you think it’s possible to fix this, fix myself, without telling anyone?” are no and no. You did in effect answer your own questions when you said ” I am worried if I don’t get some help soon there will be nothing left to pay the debts and nothing left to give my siblings.” The first step in getting help is to tell someone!
It sounds as if you have been gambling with other people’s money and that could have very serious legal consequences. I can’t comment further as I don’t know which country or state you are in – but in nearly all parts of the world the creditors will need to be paid out first – and if there is not enough to cover them – then you could be liable. Even if they can still be paid – it then seems that you may have gambled some of your siblings inheritance. They may also want to seek redress. You need to pass over the money that remains to someone else as soon as possible – so that it does not go to the casino operator. That will mean involving someone else but I guess you may not need to tell them the reason for getting them to take control. You also need help for yourself. Block yourself from all places where you could gamble both the casinos and on-line. Get your spouse to handle your personal finances until you are stronger. Get counselling for yourself to work through the grief that you have over your parents passing and to ensure that you have that and not gambling to support you through the process. All gambling will do is numb out the feelings you are needing to release and you can’t afford that “therapy” anymore. I would also suggest joining a support group like Gamblers’ Anonymous or similar if there is one in your area – the more tools you have to stop gambling the better.
Please do some research into what your situation is with regards to this money. You may be right that you are not too late to save the situation – I don’t know. What I do know is that whilst you are unsure of what the situation actually is – you will be worrying about it – and the way our brain works is if we worry – we try and turn that worry off by gambling. You need to stop gambling.
We all slip when we start recovery. No shame in that. The important thing is to learn from the slip. Why did it happen? How can I tighten my defences? How did i have the money to gamble with and the access to a site? What can I do differently to try and not let it happen again. Keep going!
Yep – I did scrimp somewhat – and I think I said to you that if I could put the clock back I would not do it again. I didn’t get any meaningful financial advice when I finally stopped gambling and I also didn’t want to go and admit how I got into a financial mess in the first place. Shame has cost me a lot of money over the years!
Good to see that you are living life – I am envious of the Handmaids Tale … the only TV I can get here is French and no subtitles!
I used to have regrets over my gambling years. Now I think that they happened for a reason – for me to have worked on myself and thus have this new life perhaps?
I can’t go back and undo what I did and who knows what my life would have been like without gambling. I would imagine that it would have been a lot better – but would it? I had a lot of problems that gambling took the pain away from – would I have found something else to numb me which may have also had dire consequences?
I think taking a whole new approach is a brave thing to do – and I hope that you will see positive results. I wish you well for your counselling sessions and for your gf life.
I have been wondering whether to respond to your last post. I felt you were saying I want to be alone with this and find my own way.
That’s fine AND I want you to know that I care. I felt a strong empathy with your OP on your first thread. I think I said so at the time. I was reclusive and secretive and although I was going out to work – I didn’t socialise with anybody there. I led a very solitary life (still do if truth be known!)
When I reached my “rock bottom” I knew I either had to get well or I would not survive. I reached a point where I would do anything to change my behaviour – little did I then know how hard that was going to be. I couldn’t do it alone. I had to reach out to people, I know you WANT to do it alone and I feel you NEED to reach out.
So small steps. If going to see a counsellor or going to a group is too much (and I can understand why,) maybe go for a 1-2-1 session here, or see if there is some on-line counselling that you can take up which might be less threatening.
I’ve done a lot of counselling and one thing I have learnt is that I can go at my own pace. A good, experienced counsellor will know how far to take you and not push you into areas that are too difficult at first.
Take the first small step out of the prison. I wish you well!Part way through a really positive post was this: “This morning I searched for Casinos in the area, not only that I checked to see if they have black jack tables and the times that they operate. I felt really bad just doing that, it is like I have gambled already. What a monster this thing really is.”
Please be careful, Austin – you are in an area where you can gamble and it would be easy for your defenses to go down whilst you are in a different environment.
Someone on another thread quoted an academic as saying that relapse happens before the first bet. In other words it is a process and the contemplation of gambling (which I think is what you were doing) is the start of it. I know when I had my last few lapses – they were to test out if I really am a compulsive gambler or not. I found out I am – but I could have done without the pain and anger (at myself) that I felt to find that out. So just a little warning. If you can bar yourself from casinos in this new area – please do so and continue to have a great gf life. I wish you well.It appears that the service uses CBT – which is an approach in counselling based on modifying a person’s thinking. So, the counselling will be based on what is going on for you in the here and now and less likely to take into account deeper issues from childhood etc. It is the approach used by SMART who have an online resource that many on here have found useful.
As for GA – the usual structure of the meeting is to read from some of the GA literature on compulsive gambling – and then people in the room are asked to speak about their gambling past and what has been going on for them since their last meeting. It is anonymous – first names only and what is said in the room should stay in the room. I would expect that you will be welcomed and asked to listen at first – then when everyone else has spoken you will be asked as to what brought you to the meeting. You can say as much or as little as you wish. People may then comment and/or give advice – but generally you will be given some of the GA literature to read and asked to keep coming.
It is important to remember that GA is a support group of individuals supporting each other – so there are variations depending on the size of the group and the personalities present. It might be useful to go to 2 or 3 different meetings to find one that clicks with you.
Watch out for payday loans – they are not only very expensive – if you can’t make the payments they can spiral out out control. I would avoid them if you possibly can.
Hi Berta – glad you are posting again – though sorry that things have been tough for you.
I liked your step one – and was looking for step 2. I know – small steps. But consider this (and I say this because I care) keeping busy didn’t seem to be a problem for you – you knew how to do that. I wonder if what is more of a problem is the isolation that you feel?
I agree with Idi on the counselling front – if I recall correctly you are in Canada.
RG posted this on someone else’s thread (I’m sure she won’t mind me stealing!)“Gambling counselling is free in Canada through CAMH. No need for insurance. It is an incredibly good service. Also, group therapy through the same program at CAMH deals with a great deal more than why you gambled and offers things like mindfulness meditation which is known to be very useful to problem gamblers in recovery. Check out their website…”
Now I know you want to do things alone – but perhaps it is not what you NEED. I think you pointed out on your previous thread that doing the same things over and over and expecting different results is crazy. So time to get out of your comfort zone and try something different – perhaps?
My gentle urging would be for you to get support for yourself. Don’t try to go it alone. Keep posting here and reach out … I wish you well.
If you can get counselling then please go for it. I feel getting someone’s undivided attention and being able to let out all that is going on for you is a real luxury that doesn’t happen anywhere else in life.
There are several approaches to counselling so it will vary depending on which is taken – but as a minimum your counsellor should listen in a non-judgemental way, giving respect and hopefully having some insight into what you are going through.
When I was in ROI earlier this year I attended a GA meeting – I wonder if you have considered this alongside your counselling? The more things we can do to tackle gambling the better.
I felt I reached a point where gambling could destroy me – that made me determined that it wouldn’t. I hope the same determination will stay with you. I wish you well.