Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
The old adage – no money, no time, no gamble is working for you. I think in the early days especially I had to have my barriers in place. I was caught off-guard a few times but the need to go somewhere or do something to get the ammunition to play with was enough for wiser thoughts to get through and for me to remember that I am not a gambler anymore. And neither are you!
Don’t hate yourself, love yourself. Hate your behaviour. You have to love yourself to know that you don’t need gambling in your life – then find the ways to get rid of it. Self-hatred will get you nowhere.
It is good to hear from you – although a little sad to hear your situation.
Lonliness and depression can be a bit of a “catch 22” – in that if I am depressed I don’t feel I want to go out and meet people – but then if I don’t go and meet people I will be lonely… And thinking “who would want to be with me when I am depressed anyway?
It might be an idea to visit a medic – as sometimes depression can have a physical cause and it would be as well to check that out. They may recommend counselling – and that is something that you might be able to access at University (where you are now – right?) so check there.
We all have life problems – gambling just adds to them and masks some of the ones that we need to be dealing with. For instance we can kid ourselves that we have a social life because we are out every night to all hours – whereas of course in reality we are not connecting with any of the people we meet – indeed they becoming annoying because they are distracting us from our gambling.
Get good support – find a community to belong to. Give it time – you will make friends and hopefully then the blues will lift. I wish you well.
First of all – congrats on 25 months, a great acheivement.
Also a great post – looking forwards to moving on in life whilst also celebrating the life you currently have. As I sit here with a “grumbly” tummy, I am rather in awe of how you have managed to sort out your problems with your own drawn up diet.
As for your choices – they are the same as mine. Of course I have gone for the travel option, taking things slowly and only flying for visits back to the UK – I am doing the majority of the country to country stuff overland with maybe some ferries. Once I get to Asia – I will have to fly, but lets see if I can get there first.
My other option would be to do a Masters course (I am not up to a Phd.) in some form of counselling, possibly existential or something more practical like drama-therapy. I liked the small amount of the latter that I have been involved with but I don’t know when I would get the chance to practice it. Or creative writing … have you seen the short residential courses run by the Arvon Foundation? Their on-line brochure comes out at the New Year.
Of course all this depends on my health improving and not feeling so tired all the time.
I also enjoyed the sunshine and a short walk. Hope to see you in group again soon. Keep on enjoying life!
That was an interesting trigger you came up with – in effect, after a stressful meeting I went to the bookies, I needed to hide. Hide from what, I wonder? I feel like I know what you mean though – it’s almost like when an animal has gone through some bruising encounter and then goes somewhere quiet to lick its wounds.
Great that you didn’t place a bet. I have been in pubs where there have been slots and have had to move out of the eyeline of them because I knew if I looked I would be hooked. And it’s not even the playing, the mind games start well before that. The “devil side” saying, “it’ll be alright, no-one will know, just a few pounds, you can afford that.” The “angel side” saying , “why risk your days gf, you know it won’t stop at a few pounds, before you know it you’ll be down at the cash machine.” As soon as I hear that dialogue begin to play in my head I know I am in trouble.
So finding somewhere new to hide? Is that why gardener’s have sheds? Anglers go to fishing tackle shops? I now go for walks – I feel I can breathe in woodlands – let all the stress go.
So for you, something to look at – fInding a new hiding place! YOUR (non gambling) hiding place. Thanks for the post.
I know that when the urges were at their worst – talking to someone – even if it was on in a chat room or a help line – really helped. I think that it is the contact with others – even if they can’t understand what we are going through.
Then there is this “one day at a time” mantra – that can be brought down to “one hour at a time” – and finding things to do that will bring the hours down to when we need to go to bed. I’m guessing this is similar to withdrawal symptoms and just need to be got through. I hope you can keep strong. I may be in group tonight if you need to talk!
It is a proud beginning and you should feel really good. But I understand where you are coming from.
Looking back I can’t believe I spent nearly 20 years of my early adulthood either gambling or battling this addiction. Years when I should have been building up my wealth for the future. I also remember missing the thrill of gambling in the early days of my recovery – and sometimes that was the trigger that drove me back (oh I can just play for small stakes for a few hours – that ALWAYS led to deeper trouble.) I feel we have to replace our gambling with something else – something that gives us pleasure and takes away the nostalgia for gambling. I tried several things; various classes, walking, dancing, chess, writing, comedy performance, counselling training – with differing results.
You need to find your own way with this one. What have you always wanted to do in later life … What did you give up for gambling – can you go back to it. What would be a thrill for you. Eventually gambling becomes a distant memory – hopefully just a blip (in my case a large blip) in a life filled with lots of other things.
Keep strong – you are doing well.
Stayed strong. That is great. Don’t worry about going over your budget for the trip. A budget is just a mental construct of what we think we will spend. If you go over – all it means is that next time you budget you will have to think of upping it!
If you keep from gambling – eventually all your debt will be paid off. It may be quick or slow – but it will happen.
From now on – think of yourself as a non-gambler. A non-gambler does not even consider putting a bet on. For that person gambling is no longer an option. I wish you well for your next gf days!
I didn’t know you from 2 years ago – but I am sorry to hear that you are suffering now.
When I was feeling depressed – I didn’t go to the doctors but just tried to get through each day. I thought about giving up – but someone said something that made a difference. She said “its not that you want to end your life – it’s that you want to end the life you have now.”
She was right – it was that half-living, where everything seems like too much effort and I couldn’t be bothered with work, friends (I have no family) or anything.
I made some phone calls to helplines and eventually I found my way to the medics and got help through tablets and counselling. I’m so glad I did that. I hope you can find a way out to.I’m not sure what country you are in – but the links to helplines below might be a good first start. Give them a call even if you don’t think that things are too bad at the moment – they won’t mind hearing from you – I promise. Post back here too.
https://www.samaritans.org/samaritans-ireland/
https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/You wrote: “Today was spent outside with my Granddaughter playing with side walk chalk and riding the tricycle. The little things mean so much.”
That touched me, because my father was a compulsive gambler. I only remember him being there in the mornings and him being annoyed as I tried to attract his attention away from the newspaper where he was checking form and working out where to put his bets. Then I wouldn’t see him all day because he would be working – not for the family – but to earn the money to bet with. Weekends would be his big gambling days and so it would go on.
Other fathers took their kids to football matches, to the pool, fishing … I had to look after myself. To his credit he did teach me to ride a bike (after severe prompting from my mother) but that was it – in the 13 years he was there.
I used to feel really hard done by – but now, of course, I know he couldn’t help it. The funny thing is that I actually feel he really missed out as well. I wasn’t a bad kid and I think he would have enjoyed spending more time around me. He died through gambling at an early age (56) but I hadn’t seen him since my teenage years and only found out some time after the event.
Hey a small sentence triggered all that! Thanks for your posts and keep enjoying your gambling free life, giving your grand-daughter so many happy memories.
I think of this sort of thing as binge gambling. You know you can go for months, years without a gamble but as soon as you start you can’t stop – well not until the money runs out.
I use the technique of thinking of my gambling as a serious allergy. If I had an allergy to strawberries and they made me seriously ill, put me in hospital, on a drip or worse; I would never eat strawberries again. I might LOVE strawberries. I might see other people eating strawberries and feel that pang of envy. I could see them being advertised all over the place, but I know for me that strawberries are a no-no. So I don’t ever eat them – and in the grand scheme of things, they are only a small part of life – I can choose to avoid them and save myself a lot of hassle. So it is with gambling. Know that you have that allergy to gambling and you just cannot do it. Put the barriers in place, get good support for yourself, find other ways of spending your time so that gambling thoughts don’t come around. But the major thing is to know that you are one of the ones who cannot gamble. Accept it and move on. I wish you well.
I am struggling with No.3 on your list – remembering to look after my health is SO important.
Being able to have friends trust me – is important too.
Thanks
“I’ve learned a lot of life lessons from my gambling addiction…”
Interesting – I would like to know more!
You wrote: “I know what needs to be done and I haven’t fully committed to stopping … ” You also wrote: “I just need to survive.” I can’t hold those two thoughts in my mind at the same time. Surely if I know I need to survive I would be committed to stopping? What will it take for this to happen for you? I know in GA they talk in terms of having to reach rock bottom – but I’m aware from seeing people in the rooms that there is always another “rock bottom.” I don’t want you to fall further.
As you say you have learnt that you are a compulsive gambler and that even if you have a win – all it means is that it is more tokens to keep playing with. Do anything you need to do to stop now.
Get support – talk to someone on here or another help site. Get to GA or similar if that will work for you. Find strategies to cope with the cravings and how you spend hours trying to find ways around your barriers. Talk to a medic about counselling or other interventions to help. In other words put the hours into your recovery that you have been putting into getting around your barriers.
Survive.