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If they do unban you – BAN YOURSELF AGAIN!
Is it really worth all the pain and anguish – both mentally and financially to feel as if you have escaped boredom for a few minutes.
I remember posting something a researcher in addiction said: “relapsing doesn’t start with the bet. It starts with the contemplation of it – the making plans for it – working out how you are going to do it. You need to break off from this relapse NOW whilst you still can.
Also as much as anything – think of all the time you are wasting – coming on here, reading people’s stories, deciding not to gamble, posting on here and then going back to it – only to follow the circle all over again. I am 62 and if I could get the 20 years I spent gambling and the 10 I spent relapsing back – I would bite your hand off.
As Chris has said – please talk to people – use the 1-2-1 on here or ring a local help-line.
I will be writing a post on being a non-gambler soon – but in short … you need to find something else which takes over your life. Something other than work, that you feel excited about and gives you some purpose. This could be setting challenges for yourself in fitness, education, the arts, languages … Think about what you gave up to make room in your life for gambling whether in reality – or a dream you had that one day I will …
I hope you can get through this. I wish you well.
There are ad blockers for most internet sites – the one I use is called ghostery and is free … I think there is one simply called ad block – which claims to work on facebook as well … it might be worth giving that a try. Otherwise just keep hiding the ads on fb and eventually they will get the message.
Good to hear that things are going well for you and that you are enjoying being gamble free. I know you are still thinking about the money you are owed – but please don’t think of this as a loss that you need to chase. If possible, let it go of the expectation of being paid and then if it should happen it will be a bonus. Keep thinking that you are now a non-gambler and that you don’t wish to be involved in any kind of betting. Keep strong – I know you can do this. I wish you well!
I’m having an even more positive day reading about your success. Thanks for sharing!
Hi Desertdove – good that you are reaching out to us.
Perhaps you could start by starting your own thread – letting us know a bit more about you and your story so that we can tailor any advice to you.
Or you could join one of the groups that are on tonight – some of which are geared to people who are new to Gambling Therapy like yourself. I wish you well.
Well done for coming on here and admitting not only to us but to yourself that you have a problem with gambling and that you need help.
There are lots of questions I would like to ask before I could help that fits with your situation (where are you from, what sort of betting do you do, do you have family around you etc.)
But in general the four things that help are: Losing the access to gambling – so banning or barring yourself from sites or places where you can be in action.
Losing access to money (usually by getting someone close to you to handle your finances for a while – but there are other alternatives.)
Losing access to the time needed for gambling. Doing other things NOT gambling related.
Getting great support for yourself – on here certainly by using the forum and the groups but also local help like GA or other self-help groups.
Read other stories on this forum to see how others have dealt with their situation. Some stories will speak to you more than others.
There is a new members group tomorrow (Monday) check that part of the site to see what time applies to you.
Great that you have taken the first step – here’s to many more!You wrote: “I have a solid job. 85k a year. I could retire with full pension and free health insurance by my mid-50’s. My son is amazing. My wife is amazing. In the grand scheme of things, I’m doing fine. I’m lucky to have what I have. My family grew up poor. I’m going to retire a millionaire from my 401k, yet I can’t shake the feeling that I’m a big loser. I’ve had thoughts of hurting myself but I won’t.”
It feels like there is no need for you to be gambling as you have it all already. Yet the truth is that a lot of us don’t bet for the money – we bet for the buzz it gives us. The rush which is there whether we win or lose. (Although it is better if we win.)
If you feel you don’t deserve what is going on for you – to the extent that you have had thoughts of hurting yourself – then would talking this out even more help? You felt better after venting to us on-line, how much better to be able to vent to someone trained to deal with it, in person. You could check and see if counseling is available in your local area – for gambling issues or just for low self-esteem, which I think this idea of not deserving what I have is.
It may cost – but it will be considerably cheaper than the losses you will inevitably incur if you continue to gamble.
You can also talk to some of us, in real time in the “support groups” which are listed above the forum heading. There is a facilitated New Members group on a Monday and Thursday. It is good to talk!I know when I relapsed back to gambling – especially towards the end of my “career,” the amount of financial damage was less but I actually felt worse afterwards – because I felt a) I had let myself down and b) that I was a failure. But that was the wrong way of looking at things. If I had a year of not gambling and gambled for 3 days and lost say 300; then that was 300 over a whole year – less than 1 a day – and when “in action” I would have taken that.
The trick was to STOP once I had realised what I was doing and to have the courage to come back and admit to myself and those supporting me, what had happened. Then to examine it and find out what the triggers were and what I was not looking at in my life.
I have a lot of gut problems now – so I look out for any pain and try and deal with it as soon as it occurs. It is not pleasant but it is an indication that something is wrong. So were my relapses.
Sorry to go on – but I hope some of this helps. Find out what is going on and work on that – then the urge to relapse should reduce. Well done on your 30 days – keep well.Hey Sherrie – saw your name in group tonight – but got no response when I said hi … Was it you? Anyway I hope things are still going well for you and you are keeping strong.
I think letting our emotions out is a healthy response and you will feel better afterwards. You may also be able to think more clearly. You have taken an important step in tackling your gambling issue – and as Berta says restricting your access to money would help even more.
The 12 steps of GA are based on the 12 steps of AA – so it may be of some use to you. You can find the 12 GA steps on-line https://12step.org/references/12-step-versions/ga/
Could you attend some of the AA meetings to see how they work (you would need to get permission from someone in the fellowship as the meetings are only supposed to be for people with an alcohol problem.) Then if you feel confident enough try and start a meeting if you can find just one or two others in the same predicament on the ship?Do others know of your problem? Is there someone you could confide in so that you don’t feel so alone with it?
The final thing I hear is your wanting to divert your interests away from gambling. I get a sense that you are not wanting to do table -tennis or go to the gym or you would be doing that. I wonder if there was any interest that you gave up for gambling … or anything that you have always wanted to do but felt you haven’t had the time for – no matter how far fetched it may seem, the starting point is the first small step and you may be able to take that now.
I think longer term you need to think about the environment you are in and whether it is worth the anguish it is causing to remain there. Is there any point in earning this good money if you are going to lose it all in the casino. You say you want a more settled life anyway – is this something you could be working towards now … small steps?
Keep posting and maybe talk to some of us in group (see the link for times) and keep strong. I look forward to further posts.Good that you are feeling supported by your family and I am sure that they are enjoying having you around too. Keep posting and keep strong.
Even if the news sounds a bit grim. I had ten years of dealing with debt AFTER I had stopped gambling – so I am aware of the worry etc. and mine was not as severe as yours – and I knew I had a get out (selling up or equity release.) I think that it is great that you are facing things head on and not burying your head in the sand.
Try and balance this painful work with things that give you joy. I know I found some relief from the worry of debt when I went out walking – although I often had to practice mindfulness to stop my mind from going over and over things.
I am interested in the link between what is going on for us and our gut health. I have begun to believe that my recent health relapse was because of continually moving and being stable for all of 3 weeks has seen an improvement. I am travelling on Tuesday to my next place (Vannes) and I shall see how my gut reacts! Thank you for all your support around that – I found our conversations really useful. Yes maybe you did miss your vocation – but I for one appreciate your wisdom.
First of all, well done for stopping for 2 years on your own. I’ve never met anyone who could stop without support – so you have proved me wrong.
When you say “I wish I could have gone back” ( a few times in your post) I wonder if this is something you could pick up in therapy. What else was happening when you took up gambling – or when it first became a problem? Why did you pick it up again after 2 years rather than spending more time with friends and family? What were the triggers – so you know to look out for them in the future.
Good that you have signed up for therapy and that you have self excluded. Have you considered letting someone you trust handle your finances for you whilst you are vulnerable to urges and another possible relapse? I know this is not an easy step to take, but believe me, the more loved ones know what is going on and are able to give support, the less likely you are to gamble again.
You might also want to consider a self-help group like gamblers anonymous who will know what you are going through and help to point the way. I wish you well.