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The fact that you have stopped for several months at a time – shows that you can stop gambling. It is staying stopped which is the problem for a lot of us.
Relapsing back to gambling is part of having a gambling problem – so I am surprised that a therapist was not aware of this and was not looking out for this.
I would consider talking to your family and therapist about what you have been doing. The actual gambling is part of the problem, but so is feeling shame and thus not being able to talk about it. The more others are aware that you are in danger of relapse, the more they can help prevent that happening.
I wonder what barriers you have in place to stop going back to gambling again. Is someone else handling your finances – if not why not? Have you looked at what triggers you to gamble and then talked about this in therapy and find strategies to deal with it? Have you looked at planning your time and using it in other ways so that you are busy and less likely to respond to the urge to gamble?
You said: “Mostly because i cannt simply admit all again and because i have new debts. I am afraid that this was too much and that i will lose all now. But i can not live with this anymore.”
Neither you or I can predict how others will react to the news that you have gambled again – but the stress of keeping that secret is enough to cause you to continue and that you cannot do. You say you cannot live with this – if you are even thinking about suicide then you need to talk to someone, your family, your therapist or a helpline. Think about it – if you end your life, all that you are now keeping secret will come out – they will all know and it will be too late to help you.
Put as much effort (if not more) into your recovery as you did into your gambling. I wish you well.
Hi Strambolinski – you have been through a lot for someone of only 21.
I don’t know where you are from – but I wonder if you need to be looking for support locally, especially if you are not with your family and have nowhere to live.
It sounds as if gambling has taken a terrible toll on your life and you really need help to stop. Read around the site – there is plenty of practical advice and some of the threads on here I know will speak to you.
It may also be useful to speak to an adviser on the 1-2-1 live support service here, if you have not already done that.
Keep posting and letting us know how you are progressing.
I wish you well.Congratulations on your 7 days. Also on admitting to your wife that you have a gambling problem. I am glad that she is able to support you in this as I do feel we need all the support we can get – especially in the early days.
It may be as well to see if she will look at some of the families and friends posts in the forum here … I say this because I know that you will change in your recovery. She will need to be prepared for this and if she is then it should pull you together rather than apart.
I hope you feel that you can keep us posted on your progress and once again well done on coming clean to your loved one.
I will try and be in chat over the weekend if you wanna talk about it.
Great news on so many fronts and I am so pleased you were able to secure a new job, I hope that works out well for you.
And good that you are thinking about the future – that usually goes out of our heads when we are in action.
Keep posting – so that we can see your progress and keep strong, my friend.
I’m sure if you have read other stories on the forum you have an idea of what you need to do to get away from this behaviour. In a nutshell it is a) lose access to the places where you gamble. b) lose access to the means of gambling – i.e. stop the supply of money. c) find alternative ways of keeping busy so you don’t have the time to gamble and d) get as much support for yourself as possible.
Now with a big sum of money coming your way – there is a challenge with b) and I wonder if there is some-one else that can manage your finances for you until you are strong enough to do this yourself. If not then I strongly suggest that you pay off as much as you can afford and put any money left into an account which is difficult to access. The more barriers in the way the better. Carry as little money on you as possible – just what you need from day to day.
I too was living in a town where slots were all over – including next door. In the end I decided to sell up and move elsewhere because I knew that the temptation there was too strong. I also was up front with any new friends that I made there about my problem – so that they wouldn’t “lure” me into a difficult situation (invitations to casinos etc.)
As regards to d) you might want to check this out
Restoration Gamblers’ Anonymous.
7:00 PM
Emmannuel Community
46 Rosalino Street
Port-of-Spain
Trinidad, West IndiesI wish you well.
16 years is a wonderful achievement.
I am several years without a bet but I neglected to note down the date of my last one – so can’t say how long it is – but it is not as long as 16 years (maybe 10?) due to stupid lapses.I too lived in the GA rooms for a number of years until I was able to stop – and for several more after.
I recently (a year ago?) Decided to post on here to show people that long term freedom from gambling is possible and to give hope especially to those who feel they are still struggling 2 or 3 years after their last bet.
So well done – and I hope that you feel you can stick around to give encouragement to others struggling with this behaviour.
There may be someone on the forums who is a qualified financial adviser. But until they come forwards I can only give you some general advice. Getting financial advice will need to come locally – I don’t even know which country you are in (I’m in France) so how could we advise?
But what I would say is to seek out good local advice and when you do this don’t hold back on the reasons for seeking it. I made the mistake of not going for advice when I was massively in debt – simply because I was too ashamed about how I had got there. Looking back I may have been able to save myself thousands in interest repayments – but I let shame and embarrassment get in the way.
It may be worth talking to people within local self-help groups as some of them will have had the same problems and may be able to share how they overcame them – although no two stories are the same. Check if Gamblers’ Anonymous is in your country or do a search to find similar peculiar to where you live. I wish you well.
Your comment made me smile. I’ve also looked at old threads from years ago and wondered what has happened to those people who no longer post. Are they in despair still gambling? Are they happy somewhere with their gamble free lives? Are they busy posting on another site – or have moved on into counselling or some other form of recovery?
I like to think they are all enjoying gamble free lives – as I am. I hope I am right.
The other day I came across a journal (in book form) I was keeping from my gambling days. It made dismal reading. Not just the pain caused when gambling, but the hiding what was going on from friends and work colleagues (I have no family.) The pleading with a higher power that today was my last bet – only to see that I am at it again a few pages later.
I wish I could find the entry when I did indeed have my last bet as I can’t celebrate a “so many years gamble free” date as I didn’t make a note of it. It would also be useful to see what made that bet the last one. What made the difference.
I can’t say that life has been easy – especially with all the debt that I had to repay. It is only recently that I have managed to free myself from that burden. Life is really good without gambling in it – I would never go back.
Thanks for reminding me of all this and I hope things go well for you and your family.
Yes – the time difference is difficult. There are facilitated groups in the early evening UK time on Mondays and Thursdays – but I guess that will be around noon in LA which is not easy if you are working. If you log onto one when it is 4am in the UK then you are really relying on people in your area to be there – none of those are facilitated.
It may be worth searching to see if there are chat forums on similar sites to this based in the US or Canada – or there maybe chat in some quit gambling facebook groups (if you do fb.) There is also Smart recovery – which is for all addictions – not just gambling but I know some on here have found that useful.
Good to hear that you are determined to beat this. I’m sure you can. Keep strong.
I know I dithered for a long time before going to GA meetings – but I had tried almost everything else before I got there. I also had an idea that a) I wasn’t a real gambler because my vice was mainly slots and only sports betting was real gambling; and b) that I hadn’t lost enough to “qualify” even though by this time I had lost enough to pay cash for a small house!
I made contact by phone first – so I wonder if that is a small step you could take, and ask questions of people before you take the next step of getting to a meeting.
You will be made to feel welcome – and you will hear other people’s stories before you are asked to share yours – and you can say as much or as little as you want – even just to confirm your first name and how long it has been since your last bet.
GA is not for everyone – I no longer attend – but for the years I was there I went to several meetings (at one point as many as 7 a week) and if nothing else it took me to a place where I couldn’t gamble (most of my gambling took place in the evenings.) I still think it is the best route for people at the start of their recovery from gambling – and if it continues to work then why stop. For me I needed to understand myself more which is why I went down the route of counselling and co-counselling, but that may be for later.
So don’t put it off. Take the first step of making a call. Go to one meeting, then go to two (perhaps a different one) and then make a decision to continue or not. But if it is not then ensure that you have some other form of support for yourself, it is so hard to beat this thing alone.
Again – if addiction is the word that works for you then use it. That might change as you do, within your recovery. At this stage take up everything you can with both hands and put all the effort into your recovery. Take being in recovery even more seriously than you took your gambling – then you will make it, I’m sure. Go well.
I hope you had a great day!
Я знаю, что написать этот пост было непросто. Я так много раз был в ситуации «Я больше никогда не буду играть», каждый раз задаваясь вопросом, как я могу обойтись без своей опоры. Теперь вы возвращаете свою жизнь – жизнь не игрока, которая может быть сложной, но по крайней мере американские горки эмоций и финансовые проблемы, которые вызывает азартная игра, не добавят никаких трудностей, с которыми вы можете столкнуться. Получите как можно больше поддержки для себя. Используйте этот и другие сайты – узнайте, возможно ли для вас консультирование. Как сказано в i-did-it, делайте все, что сработало для вас, и даже больше. Ты этого стоишь.
I know that was not an easy post to write. I have been in the “I will never gamble again” situation so many times – each time wondering how can I do without my prop.
You are now taking back your life – life as a non-gambler which can be challenging but at least the roller-coaster of emotions and the financial trouble that gambling causes will not add to any difficulties you might face.
Get as much support for yourself as you can. Use this site and others – see if counselling is a possibility for you. As i-did-it says, do all the things that worked for you and more. You are worth it.