[Steev]

I’ve been in that situation a few times – when you go into a pub not realising that there are machines there and the old feelings well back … Most times I managed to resist the urge – by sitting so I am not in view (and if possible in hearing distance) of them.

My last few gambles were when, like you I thought – I can handle this, just a few pounds won’t hurt. But, of course it didn’t stop at a few pounds …

When I moved to a new city (to get away from the casinos I went to) I checked out the pubs that did not have machines and only went to them. Luckily they tended to sell better drinks as well! Now I very rarely encounter machines when I go out. Here in France, they are only in specially licenced “sports bars” which are signed as such and so easy to avoid. I hope you have a great Christmas (you will get it earlier than most of us?) And a brilliant gamble free 2020.

[Steev]

Jeff – I think we know when we have a gambling problem – but we like to deny it time and time again. That is why I got into the “lets see if I can bet normally” mentality when things were going well for me. It was only when I did this 3 or 4 times that I had to admit I could not.

I had to take recovering from gambling as seriously as I took my gambling. I put a lot of time and effort (as well as a stack of money) into my gambling. The time and effort also has to go into recovery – blocking and banning myself from every place where I might gamble both online and off. Keeping busy with other (non-gambling) hobbies. Keeping my finances down to essential expenses only and getting great support for myself.
You mentioned a friend convinced you to go to a casino. Let your friends know that you no longer gamble. It can be helpful to let them know you have a problem – then they may be able to help you, but if not – just say you don’t gamble any more, you don’t have to give a reason. Many people don’t gamble for moral or religious reasons … I think some assume I am like that.
If you can find support locally – go for it. I tried to stop on my own and found the stress too much. I went to Gamblers’ Anonymous and then to counseling … in some countries the latter can be available through a medic – check that out. Otherwise use the groups here – for real time support or check things like SMART groups on-line. I wish you well.

[Steev]

Wishing you all the best Stephen.  I know this has been a tough ride for you – but I think you have learnt a lot about yourself along the way. 

Enjoy a gamble free Christmas and have a great gamble free 2020!

[Steev]

If you are seriously thinking that your family would be better off without you -then please talk to someone … there is a link here and you can find a helpline in your country to contact: https://www.befrienders.org/

I too lost my 20s to gambling – it probably took most of my 30s to recover – but I was in a much better place at the end of it and I was married in my early 40s – so it is never too late!

I did it has given you lots of good advice and it is difficult to add to it – but I would just ask if you have spoken to any of your family or friends about what you are going through. Challenging this addiction is hard when you are alone with it. Having people close to you on your side would help you enormously. Keep posting here and it would be good to see you in a support group soon. I wish you well.

[Steev]

What a nice post.  Yes I think one of the things that we don’t realise when we are in action is how much gambling takes over our minds – so everything is seen through that lens.

Because I didn’t have much self-worth when I was gambling, then if people pulled me down  – that was somehow okay with me.  I deserved it.

Now I know I don’t deserve it – that I am better than that. 

I have really enjoyed our debates over the last year and looking forward to talking to you more in 2020.   Have a good Christmas.

[Steev]

You post under an interesting name. We are all down about our gambling – I don’t think you will find anyone on here who does not feel regret at how much money (and time) they have lost. But I get a sense that there is more than that going on for you.

I gambled – partly for the (rare) thrill of winning – but I think more because it blocked out all the other problems in my life and the feelings that they generated. I found these problems painful and overwhelming.

What I had to do was to talk about them to someone. I too tried gamblers anonymous and by keeping up the attendance found some benefit, but the main way I got support was through counseling. I don’t know if free counseling is an option where you are (in the US?) but it may be worth investigating with your medic. Otherwise there may be other options such as charities etc. There is something called co-counseling which is available in some parts of the US. Here you learn some counseling skills and work with others who have done the same. There may be a payment for the learning – but once you have done this you have free counseling for life.

If counseling isn’t an option for you – can you open up to someone close to you? Certainly in the early days – it would be good to have someone else handle your finances – but also be someone who can listen to what you need to vent.

I hope some of this helps. Please keep posting and maybe join one of the support groups here – dates and times are posted under the heading above. I wish you well.

[Steev]

Thanks for your post and your concern Monica.  Here in France the protests and strikes are about the government attempt to raise the pension age from 62 (at present) to 64.  Which given that I am 62 (63 in February,) and won’t get my pension until 66 is slightly ironic.

And that is how far ahead I am looking.  At the moment I get a small works pension and the rest of my money is the proceeds from selling my house.  On paper it should be enough – especially as a) I seem to be under budget for this first year and b) I have been to expensive countries so far – such as Belgium and now France.  Spain, Portugal and certainly Morocco should be cheaper.  But I guess having been in debt for so long – I can’t shake off the feeling that I ought to be doing something to bring an income in – and this is meeting that internal need.  Also a slight guilt that I have all these skills and I am not using them.

It is low pay – but it is very enjoyable and doesn’t involve having to do a lot of preparation or marking homework etc.  Basically I am being paid to chat with people from around the world, which is great!

It does mean that I will be here less often – or that I might come into chat and then leave suddenly if a student calls.  I hope to be around over the week ahead – especially on Boxing Day when people may be experiencing problems.

I hope your back is improving and that you are out of pain.  Have a great Christmas and New Year and hopefully “see” you soon!

[Steev]

It is good to hear from you both. @Vera – Yes I am in my new digs. Not ideal – smaller and colder than the previous place, but it is in a great location for the tram into town and the banks of one of the rivers is close too – so walking there will be lovely. The block is small and so far there has been very little noise and seems safe enough. The strike isn’t over – though I think more and more are going back to work as they aren’t being paid. Already thinking about the next move in January and whether getting a bus would be sensible. It is 5 hours with only 1 toilet for the whole bus ….

On the strike – the bus drivers came out on Wednesday (and there was a power cut) and some of the strikers were marching in the street with a heavy police attendance. I thought I was safe behind the police line – until I was nearly hit with a brick. Then the police started firing tear gas – which blew back at “us” – of course they had masks on – I didn’t. I managed to get away but I never want to be tear gassed again!

@Idi – feeling settled now – and here for over 2 weeks more. Not festive – it doesn’t seem worth putting up decorations when I am only here for a short time. I have already started working – which is why you are seeing less of me! I applied, was interviewed and accepted a teaching English job – on-line – all in the one day and have already completed a few shifts. I think applying at this time of the year helped. Demand is high and a lot of teachers are away. The pay is really poor – but then there is very little to do as it is mainly just talking to people and correcting verbal errors. Also I don’t need too much pay – I think it is more concern about what might happen in the future / security. Of course, the problem with low pay is that I will have to put more hours in, so, yes that is why you have not seen so much of me – and I guess I will be here less often in the future. I will try and look in over Christmas and Boxing Day though – as I know that is a difficult time for gamblers. New Year and new resolutions to stop will motivate some as well.

If I don’t see you – have a great and happy Christmas and above all treat yourselves well – you deserve to. (Oh and that goes for anyone else who is reading this thread!)

[Steev]

So glad to hear that life is going great for you.  I had the same thing when I gave up gambling. People actually wanted to be around me and listen to the jokes and the humour that I had.  I found it odd, but enjoyed it.

Enjoy life without gambling.  I don’t miss the machines one bit!

[Steev]

Sorry to hear about your back – I get lower back pain from time to time and I know how debilitating that can be. Hopefully the physio will sort it.
Good news about your tax though – does this mean that you will not have to seek bankruptcy? I do hope so.

My last minute digs in Nantes seem ok. They are small and dark – but the plus point is that they are a stone’s throw from the River Erde – so I can walk along the riverbank every day – bliss. I won’t be on the site as often now as I have decided to do some on-line English teaching. It doesn’t pay very much but it will help me feel that I am not going to run out of money before I get my pension. I hope you get well soon – and have a good Christmas and New Year if I don’t talk with you before.

[Steev]

I feel for you.  When I first wanted to stop – it made me realise how few real friends I had – because, as you say, after decades of gambling – which is a loner’s game, I had no-one close enough to open up to, never mind hand finances to.

It is possible to do this alone.  It is far more difficult – so if you can find local support go for it.  If there are no GA groups – there may be groups for all addictions which will help.  Please investigate the counselling option.  Again having this kind of support is invaluable – do the research, don’t just write it off as not possible without checking.  If you can let us know which country you are in – you may find people on here that can give more local advice.

If you can’t find anything locally – then please check out the support groups on this site – there is a timetable where you can see times in GMT and adjust to your timezone.  On Mondays and Thursdays (tonight) there are facilitated groups for new members.   There are also “live meetings” on the internet from other organisations such as SMART and some facebook groups.

Basically get as much suppport as you can.  Gambling is lonely and the way to stop is to befriend people and let them help you in the early stages.  You can of course pay back when you are stronger by helping others.  I wish you well.

[Steev]

You said “hoping that my desire to stay away from this poison, will be strong enough.”

I hope you desire is strong too, but I know it will not be enough on its own. In order to stop – you will need to do 4 things.

1) Lose access to gambling. As others have said put blocks on your devices – bar yourself from physical locations where you gamble. Make it as hard as you can to actually gamble.

2) Lose access to finance. If you can, get someone else (a loved one or trusted friend) to handle your finances for you – until you are strong enough to do so yourself. Keep your personal float as small as possible – just for the essentials.

3) Get great support around you. Again, if it is possible – open up to people who you know will support you. See if there is self-help (Gamblers’ Anonymous or similar) in your area. Ask at your medical centre for counselling support.

4) Find something else (non – gambling) to do with your time. When the urges come (and they will) ensure you have something else – no matter how trivial – that will take your mind off gambling. Netflix gets mentioned a lot on this forum. I now take long walks!

Yes keep posting here to let us know how you are progressing and read around the site as there is a treasure chest of stories, ideas and suggestions that you can make the most of.
I wish you well.

[Steev]

Hi Sherrie – saw that you were on chat last night – but had gone before I could respond. I hope you are okay and that you had a good birthday the other day.
Hopefully we will catch up soon.

[Steev]

I looked at internal flights but they are so expensive – and the strike in France is general and does include the air traffic control – so not all flights are happening.

I have managed to find somewhere else in Nantes – so will be staying in the city (though in a different place) until January when I hope the strike is over.  Have found this all very stressful but I guess it is all part and parcel of being a traveller!

[Steev]

Having a difficult time in France, because there is a national strike affecting the railways which is my preferred method of travelling. Going from Vannes to Nantes my train was cancelled but was able to make the journey by bus. However next week I was to go from Nantes to Limoges – and again my train has been cancelled. Although I have some warning – there are no buses and although I could hire a car it would be expensive and I don’t feel brave enough to do a 4 hour drive when I have never driven in France before. (Remember I am from the UK and to us – everyone else drives on the “other side” of the road.)

So I think I have decided to give Limoges a miss and stay in Nantes (but in another apartment) over Christmas and hope the strike is over in January when I need to move again. This will be expensive – but I may be able to get some money back because of things out of my control. It has made me realise how these sort of things can drain your wallet. I may have to find ways of earning extra money – so because of that I may not be on the site as often (as I will be working elsewhere) but I will be around over the Christmas period – in groups if anyone needs to chat!

[Author]

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