[Steev]

I was writing about my gambling experience earlier and noticed that I used the words betting when I was talking about fruit machines (slots.)
nIt made me think that I NEVER used the word betting to refer to my gambling at the time. I always was “just” playing not actually gambling.
nI wonder if this is one of the ways in which we minimise what we are doing in our heads. “Oh it is just play – it doesn’t really matter.”
nGambling and betting is a lot more serious, I was only losing tens of pounds in a day – not like “real” gamblers.
n
nPerhaps in the mornings when I was having the inevitable debate with myself about whether I should “play” or not – I said in my head, now should I go out and “ruin my finances” or stay in and read a good book instead, it would have helped me to stay away earlier. I don’t know – but I pose this as a discussion point for you all!

[Steev]

Two thoughts I had about your post.
n1) The “should I shouldn’t I” dance that goes on inside our heads when we are considering a gamble – became a warning for me. I used it as a sign that I needed to double down on my recovery, because although I might be strong the first few times it happens – I know (from past experience) that the “play” side will win.
n2) That you have identified a trigger. Seeing scratch cards is a link to gambling for you and one you could try to avoid. I know that is not easy, but could you get your cigarettes from a machine which has no cards around – or do you know an outlet where cards are not on view near the ciggys? Not easy I know – but then whoever said that recovery would be easy. I wish you well.

[Steev]

Watching young elk playing in the pool … just sounds magical.  I hope in your three days off you can see the world through a 3 year olds’ eyes.  The beauty of the nature around you sounds wonderful and so much better than a stuffy casino with no windows to look out of!

I am sure that you can find it within yourself to resist the urge to gamble and maybe find some beautiful walks or something special to do with your grand-daughter when she comes back to you.  That will make beautiful memories for both of you!

[Steev]

Vizionarea tinerilor elani jucându-se în piscină … sună doar magic. Sper că, în cele trei zile libere, puteți vedea lumea prin ochii unui copil de 3 ani. Frumusețea naturii din jurul tău sună minunat și mult mai bine decât un cazino înfundat, fără ferestre din care să te uiți!

Sunt sigur că poți să găsești în tine rezistența la dorința de a paria și poate găsi niște plimbări frumoase sau ceva special de făcut cu nepoata ta când se întoarce la tine. Asta va face amintiri frumoase pentru amândoi!

[Steev]

I don’t know about Malaysia – but there is GA on zoom now and the meetings can be accessed world-wide. Here is the link: https://gamblersinrecovery.com

[Steev]

I sometimes wonder if we are happy but we just don’t know it. What I mean is that we spend so long chasing “being happy” that we don’t realise that it is the wrong thing to do. If we perceive happiness as being a lack in our life then we will keep looking for it and become upset when we fail; whereas if we just allow ourselves to be – one day we wake up and find out, “actually I am quite happy right now.”
n
nIn gambling terms – it’s a bit like the more I think about how great it would be to gamble – but I know I can’t do it; the more tempted I am to go ahead – it is only when I stop thinking about gambling altogether and get on with the rest of my life, do my gambling thoughts and desires disappear.
n
nMark Manson puts it better than me (but some of his language is a bit rich!) https://markmanson.net/stop-trying-to-be-happy
n
nFacebook isn’t real. People post when they are having a great time getting drunk with friends on the Friday night – they don’t post the hangover / diarrhoea / puking on the Saturday lunchtime. Enjoy your own life whatever it is – don’t go poking about wondering what everyone else is doing. I never go out on a Friday and Saturday night now as these are teaching times for me. Okay – I am 63 and an old fart, but my students are not – one of them (in his mid 20’s) living in Rio – would rather spend part of his night learning English than partying on Copacabana beach!
n
nOh – and if classical music is not causing you a problem in your life – then I don’t think it can be called an addiction. If it is then I am guilty because I have BBC Radio 3 on most of the time (it can be listened to from anywhere in the world!) Try the Shostakovitch Cello and Violin concertos … and if I get to choose my funeral music it will be this piece: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JlMHjo7Jwhk
n
nI’ve gone through the deeply unhappy periods and come through – I am sure you can too. Just look at what makes you happy and do more of it – including the music! 🙂

[Steev]

I don’t often have news – things have become rather predictable as of late … but I have managed to move storage units and the new price is roughly half of what the old place would have been had I accepted the price increase – so I am pleased. The only hitch in the move was that my unit is on the first floor and the lift was broken on the day most of the stuff arrived – so we had to unload the van into a ground floor unit and then I came back two days later, with another friend (I know I have at least 2!) and we moved it upstairs. I would have left it downstairs but the area is prone to flooding and I didn’t want to take the chance.

The second piece of news is that I am definitely going to Scotland (well unless I am ill or in quarantine!) I have found a place in the borders, to the south of Edinburgh and it is on a country estate with 5 acres of gardens. I am always nervous about going somewhere new and I have booked it from November to mid-January, but I needed to move on now that I am a traveller! I am feeling better stomach-wise and am working less so that I can get on with clearing stuff. I wonder if there is a link between gambling and hoarding??

[Steev]

Talking these things through – is a good thing, better I think than him bottling it up and it coming out in a different argument, which I know is something that I was guilty of.  It sounds as if you will need to get used to each other again – it is a new beginning for you both.

I have also stopped watching TV.  Not sure what that is about!

[Steev]

I know I had a slip having been gamble free for over 3 years and I remember how devastated I was.   But it was over almost as soon as it began.  I knew what I had to do and made sure that I redoubled my efforts.  I am sure you will do the same.

If you know what the trigger was for the bet, then you will know what you have to work on – what is not working in your life right now. 

Keep strong!

[Steev]

Good to see you posting again and glad that you were able to meet your grandson at last.  That must have been really special.

I hope that your health scare is sorted quickly and proves to be nothing serious.  It is great that you have such a positive attitude about it.

I am a little excited because I have found a lovely place to stay in Scotland – in the borders, near Edinburgh – near the top end of my budget but it looks totally worth it.   Will see if it happens!

Take good care of yourself!

[Steev]

Yes – tell them you have a problem and you need to stay away from casinos  ….. for ever! 

I found it is the only way to be with people is to be up front and even then (because they don’t understand compulsive gambling) you will still get invites.  This is not the time to be half-hearted about things.  I was in the situation of being embarrased about my lack of money for a further 20 years AFTER I had stopped gambling – such were the state of my debts.  It is not a situation I would wish on anyone.  Keep strong!

[Steev]

Yes I am still working on-line although I have cut it down a bit over the last few weeks.  Mainly because I am trying to deal with my storage issues.  I have a very expensive storage unit in Sheffield and they were putting up the price again – so I started clearing out as much as possible and now I have found a new company setting up who have offered me a very good deal.  So I am not only downsizing but moving completely.  Most of the move will take place on Monday when I have a friend with a van to help me.  But currently the flat is full of “stuff to sort.”

I haven’t managed to pin down which foods are causing me problems.  I already have cut a lot out of my diet – but going gluten free didn’t work.  I am getting no help with the NHS and am wondering whether to go private – but it goes against my politics a little – quite apart from the cost.  Moving to Scotland and to a different NHS might be an answer.

So, trying to be as stress free as possible (is that possible when I am traveling again) and really looking hard at my diet seem the only ways through this.  I am determined to give it my best shot.  If I can beat gambling …

[Steev]

I have kept a journal off and on over the years.
nI am currently in the process of moving my stuff from one storage unit to another and have brought some of it to my flat to sort. One item I found was a journal from 1994!
n
nI was amazed at how much I was doing then. Not gambling, but working full-time, doing a post-grad counselling course for which I got day release but still had to put in 2 evenings a week, I was going to GA meetings regularly AND to regional and even national meetings around the country. On top of this I seemed to have a much more active social life than I have now. Later in the year I started teaching evening classes.
n
nPart- way through the journal I am writing about how I am finding hard to resist gambling – but keeping so busy has kept me from it so far. Then the entries stop.
n
nI know the story though. I crashed. I gambled again, not much, but of course I had to give up my “position” in GA and soon after I decided to leave. I had to cut my hours down at work and I was taking medication for depression. I completed my counselling course but was unable to practice for a while, until I was in a better place. I found the counselling I received invaluable.
n
nMost importantly – I began to see myself as a human being, not a human doing. It took a long time to learn to pace myself and to take time out and just be and maybe I am not fully there yet. The learning is to watch that I don’t take too much on and that as soon as I have thoughts that I might gamble – to talk to someone and not just write in a private journal. Just for today I will not gamble!

[Steev]

Both on your engagement and on the arrival of your grandchild … 6th!

Good also that you have a diagnosis on your stomach issues – I am no further forwards with mine and seem to have reached a deadend with my GPs as they are saying it is IBS as well as Diverticular but are not referring me on.  I have good days and bad days with it.   I am considering moving to Scotland before the end of the year to try and access the health service there and see if I can get any further.

Other than that I don’t really have any other news.  Just waiting out in the UK until a vacinne arrives – then hopefully I can pick up where I left off in France and move onto Spain and Portugal.  I am not letting my health problems stop me from doing that.

Be good to hear how things are going with you – but I understand if you are getting good support elsewhere.   Take good care.

[Steev]

In the beginning when I suggested GA (and others suggested AA) you said you couldn’t do this because you were from a small town in a small country without this support.
n
nNow it is 2020 and there is a virus and GA (and I am sure AA as well) have gone on-line with their meetings – so support is available from wherever you are. Please take advantage of this and go to a meeting. You don’t have to say anything (although it would be better if you could tell your story so that advice could be tailored to your needs) just listen and hopefully learn. The link is here for GA – https://gamblersinrecovery.com I wish you well.

[Author]

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