[Steev]

Ryan – can you get into chat one evening or maybe contact someone on the 1-2-1 here. It is difficult to help when we know so little about you – e.g. the nature of your disability, where you are located, etc. There may be things that people could suggest that would be helpful – but I feel all we can say at the moment is “forget your losses and don’t gamble” which I don’t think is helping you. Hope you can get in touch soon.

[Steev]

My computer game playing is only to the level of free solitaire on-line and I don’t do that very often.  So I don’t have much experience in this area.  However I do know that I am compulsive at other things.  Luckily for me – they seem to be positive things – like my language learning, and now my teaching as I am committing myself to more hours than I need to.

I think the roots of all of these things is perhaps not looking at other areas of our lives which deserve attention.  I want to improve my creativity, through writing and photography for my blog.  I have the best of intentions – and it is always the thing I put off. 

Part of me thinks that maybe I should just accept it and go with the flow (i.e. the teaching and learning) and part of me things I should find a way through.

I suppose the big difference is that my compulsive behaviours are not costing me anything – indeed I am being paid to teach (though not a lot!)  I would be scared about losing money I can’t afford.  Talking about this in a counselling session seems a good way forward.  I know there is some discussion about game addiction and whether more support from sites such as this needs to cover that as well.  As I say I don’t know enough about it – but I did have a work colleague who was spending all his time outside of work gaming.  He has a mild stroke in his 40s – I don’t know if it was linked but that worried me.

I know that you will work this one out – and you know where to come to if you feel you need support.  Keep us posted.

[Steev]

Also well done on coming on here when you are facing urges, rather than just giving into them.
I’m someone who is around 10 years gamble free, so you asked to hear from someone with lots of clean time.

Someone on here once wrote that the relapse doesn’t happen with the bet – it starts sometime before that – and there were a couple of things in your post that made me concerned. One was, “I am meaning to start going back (to GA) in order to make sure that I don’t relapse.” Meaning to – is not doing it. If you get benefit from being at GA then get back there!

The other was, “I have banned myself from all the casinos in my area, the nearest one I can go to is a 4 hour drive away.” That made me smile. Only a person with gambling problems would know exactly how far the nearest casino is!

I think in your post you have nailed what your issue is. Gambling is a very lonely occupation and it suits those of us who are “socially awkward.” There is a school of thought that says gambling is a means of not dealing with people – and that connecting with a community can be the most helpful thing we can do.

I agree with I-did-it that counselling would be helpful – and try and use this to look at ways in which you can connect to a community of people who have similar interests and where you can feel safe and held. I tried lots of things from classes, to dancing to joining forums on-line (which led to some face-to-face meetings.) Everyone has their own way about doing things but I think connecting with people is the key. I wish you well.

[Steev]

Good to talk on chat last night. I can feel your resolve to beat this. Yes the rational and irrational mind – fighting it out in your brain is annoying – but it does decrease in time, believe me. I tend to think of the irrational mind as my emotional (childish) mind – because that is the part that is rash and doesn’t think of the consequences of things.
I think there are a few OU people on here. I finished my degree some time ago, and I know there is someone here doing a law degree – hopefully she will introduce herself.

So in 2020 – make sure you get the support to kick gambling in the bin and enjoy a great gambling free life. I wish you well!

[Steev]

Your review of the year. I might do one myself! I hope you have a great 2020 – there are so many things that can be resolved one way or another, I hope these go the way you want them to! Here’s to the best 2020 possible.

[Steev]

Zero – if you read your posts from when you had stopped gambling – you will see how much better things were then. Now when you have gambled again you feel like shit.
But we all gamble again. It is rare that someone comes on here and is gamble free forever afterwards. It takes time and we fall back. The important thing is that we pick ourselves up and keep going.

Idi has made a great suggestion of the residential – and I would urge you to get help local to yourself – you do not say which country you are in but you use Euros so Ireland? There is GA there – get to a meeting or come onto one of the groups here – especially on Mondays and Thursdays when they are facilitated.

Please contact the Samaritans or the local equivalent if you feel like hurting yourself. Know that you are not alone and that many on here have come through this thing. We are all behind you. I wish you well.

[Steev]

So glad that you have had a great GF Christmas and now there is the New Year to look forwards to. See you on the other side of it!!

[Steev]

I’m not sure I thought about it very much (and it was a very long time ago,) but from what I remember – I got stressed out – went out for a drink … there was a machine in the pub and … well you know the rest. I had to resign what I was doing because no-one who is gambling can hold a position in GA. In the UK the set up is at local, regional and national level but that might be different in different countries.

GA is based on AA so has a lot of similarities but is more geared to gamblers – obviously. I would be interested in how it goes with AA. Just keep looking after yourself!

[Steev]

I would agree with all the points that Vera has made – and I would reiterate that you need to put your own recovery first.

When I was involved in GA, I took on a lot of tasks and ultimately the stress became so much that I gambled again after 3 years of being gamble free.

I know you want to get the word out there and to help others, but you must look after yourself first and foremost. If people see you doing this then they may come to follow your example.

I had a feeling that you have not been to GA in your country because it is a long way off. Can I suggest that you go to a meeting or two before trying to start one in your area – so that you can see what happens and maybe you will find someone who can support you. Better to do this with others, and with some experience of GA.

Otherwise keep posting here and encouraging us all in our efforts to remain gamble free. I wish you well.

[Steev]

Sorry you left so suddenly. I hope you are looking out for yourself and taking good care of you. I hope you know you are a really special person. I shall be visiting museums and the cathedral here in Nantes and will be able to chat about them next time I see you. Hope it is soon!

[Steev]

I often wish there were little icons that we could put on replies to show how we feel about them – like the ones on facecloth. Can I say how moved I have been by your responses – and send a big red glowing heart to you all.

Let’s raise a glass for a wonderful gamble-free New Year!
(except those who are tee-total and then it’s a mug of herb-tea!)
See you here or in group soon!

[Steev]

This is a special day for a lot of people – but I am one of the ones who struggle with it.

Why? Well perhaps because it is very much a family occasion, and I have no family. Perhaps because it is so commercialised and removed from its original religious intent. But I think the main reason I find Christmas so hard is the painful memories it brings up. In my early childhood, when my father was still around – his gambling meant that we did not have the lovely Christmas that I heard of from friends and on the TV screens. Ours was one filled with arguments over the lack of presents (my father regularly gambled Christmas money away) and not being able to go anywhere through lack of funds. Later, when he had left, my mother got so depressed at Christmas that she often would stay in bed all day – so that I had to cook the dinner and eat it alone.

Later I spent Christmas with “adopted” families – but I always felt the odd one out – feeling I was with them through charity. So a few years ago I took the decision to spend Christmas alone in different places and really learn to enjoy my own company. So far I have been to Ireland; Devon and Herefordshire in England, and now France. I have learnt to love it. But I know not everyone is so lucky.

So if you are alone this Christmas – remember it is only for one day (odaat.) Treat yourself to something special – whether that be different food or drink than normal – or a different non-gambling experience. Spend the time at Christmas the way YOU want to, you don’t need to conform to the “norm.”

If you are finding things hard, don’t be afraid to reach out and make a call. The Samaritans in the UK and Befrienders in other countries are all available over Christmas https://www.samaritans.org/ https://www.befrienders.org/
Be kind to yourself and maybe make plans for a wonderful, gamble free, new year!

[Steev]

That was a great list – and there is just one thing that I would like to comment on.

You say, “This is a life sentence.” I agree that being a non-gambler is for life – but I try not to think of it in those terms.

After 10 + years I have reached a point where I don’t even consider gambling – it is simply not part of my life anymore. And unlike a life sentence in a prison – I feel absolutely free. In fact, looking back at all the hours I spent enclosed in arcades and casinos – being able to walk in the fresh air feels like an escape from it all.

It is probably just in the language we use – but look at non-gambling as freedom, not a life sentence and keep on enjoying life. I wish you a happy Christmas.

[Steev]

SO glad that you have been able to solve the cash flow problem as I know what a worry that was for you.  Good to read such positive posts.  I wish you well for Christmas and the New Year!

[Steev]

It seems like only a few days ago that you were saying that your wife had pulled out of the divorce, so sorry that she has changed her mind.
Keep strong and focus on your recovery. If she can change her mind once, she can again and if she sees you putting your all into being gamble free then she may be ready to trust you again.
You have put a lot of effort into this site in the short time you have been here. It has been noticed! Keep posting and keep doing what you are doing. Have a good Christmas.

[Author]

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