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It is not easy to change your life but it can be done. When I was gambling heavily, I decided to change my life by moving to another city where I didn’t know the casinos. I also lived near a place with slot machines and I moved to an area where there were none.
When I got to the new city, I made sure that people knew I had a gambling issue – so that they could look out for me. I still “slipped” – I still had work to do, but it did slow me down, it did help.
Recently I have changed my life again by selling up and putting what is left in storage. I am now travelling around the world. I am choosing how I want to live, because I believe that if I am living my best possible life I am less likely to think about gambling to change things. Why would I?
If you are serious about change – get good support whilst you do it. I hope you go for it.Onwards and upwards … YES!
You say you don’t know what to tell your mum, but my best suggestion is that you tell her the truth. A lot of problem gamblers keep this a secret from loved ones and that only makes things worse.
If your gambling is out of control then see if you can get your mum to look at the friends and families section of this forum for ideas on how to support you (and herself) through this. Depending on which country you are in there may be support groups (like GA / GAMANON) that you could attend to help. You will find lots of information on this site and you can also come to a support group (times shown in that section) to get more 1-2-1 advice. I wish you well.
I don’t know if you feel you are being looked after by someone but as a carer you also need to be cared for. If there isn’t anyone then please look after yourself. Treat yourself to something, get good rest and find a way to let off some steam.
The urges will pass – keep strong!
Good to see that you have not given up trying and that you are back with GA. You say you know it’s not enough because you went before and still gambled.
I went to GA for several years and kept “slipping.” I also realised that GA was not enough for me and found a counsellor who helped enormously. I also decided to put as much effort into my recovery as I did into my gambling. For me that meant going to GA more often, ensuring I was busy so that I had no time to gamble and finding out as much as possible about behavioural problems and how I can change me behaviour.
After some years, I stopped going to GA but kept up with the counselling and the research and eventually trained as a counsellor myself. I have been gamble free for over 10 years now and nearer 20 if you exclude a few silly “slips.”
If you are in the UK you may be able to access free counseling through Gamcare – check out their website. I wish you well.
You have admitted you have a problem and talking to a counsellor is a good way forward – but read around this board and you will see that it is just one of 4 things you need to do. The others being, losing access to gambling sites (either on-line or from places where the pokies are.) Losing access to money (or making it difficult to get your hands on amounts more than you need for day to day living.) Finding other (non gambling ways) of spending your leisure time.
You may also want to look at getting further support from a self-help group (like GA) or from the web like the support groups here or on SMART recovery.
No doubt others will chip in with advice – but that should start you off. I wish you well.
You said, “It’s crazy once you have not gambled for a while and think about how obsessed and emotionally invested you were while gambling it’s hard to relate to yourself, feels like a different person.”
I so identify with that. I look back on my life when I was in my 20s and 30s and think – why why why? I am not sure which was worse when I was in my teens and 20s when I didn’t really know the damage I was doing to myself, or when I was in my 30s when I did know and carried on anyway!
Willpower is a big part of stopping, but also feeling compassion for yourself and realising that there is no need to keep hurting … Keep strong!
Well done – that is a great achievement. Also congratulations on your new job as well. You are doing great.
Don’t apologise for the length of your post. It was a very clear story of what can happen when gambling when you are young. I also started gambling whilst at college in my teens – and carried on until I was in my 30s and decided I needed to stop. It took me several years to do so though – but then I didn’t have a partner to support me, which I think may have made a difference. When I finally admitted that what I was doing wasn’t working and I had to put more effort into it – I pledged to put as much time and effort into my recovery as I had put into my gambling – and that was a lot!
I went to a GA meeting every night of the week for a few months + counselling + reading and taking courses. Looking back it was this period of understanding myself and others that was the most useful. I haven’t gambled for around 10 years now and I haven’t seriously gambled (I had a few slips) for around 20 – so it can be done.
I think of myself as a non-gambler and whenever thoughts about gambling come into my head, (which are rare now) I think “why would I, as a non-gambler,” want to do that! I live the life I want to lead and my stress levels are down considerably from when I was gambling and also the following years when I was in a lot of debt. I hope you reach those years too. I wish you well!
Good to see you still posting here and congratulations on 160 days. You have come through so much – what with the change in job and sorting out the debts and money owed to you.
I hope you have a great 2020 and see you here in 2021 debt-free!It was good to chat with you in group last night and only sorry that I logged on late and we didn’t have more time.
I thoroughly agree with being kind to yourself. I realised when I had been stopped awhile that I had forgotten to take care of ME. I didn’t eat well, I stopped caring about my appearance and most importantly, I didn’t believe that I deserved even the basic of treats because of all the money I had wasted on gambling.
Gambling is a behavioural glitch in our brains – we didn’t ask for it and all we can do is work on our recovery as much as possible. Being kind and gentle to ourselves along the way does help. I wish you well.
Hi Mtap, you said, “I cannot go anywhere else and tell them this because of the embarrassment I feel.”
So, first of all, well done on talking to us about your situation.
It took me a while to realise that the way out of this mess is to talk to people. I started with a self-help group who suggested I talk to Gamblers’ Anonymous. After a while I talked to counsellors about it – and now I will talk to anyone who is interested. The more I talk about my gambling, the less likely I am to gamble again.
If you are reading the posts in this forum, you know the things to do are 1) lose access to gambling places, 2) lose access to money, 3) find new things (non gambling) to spend your leisure time on and 4) get good support for yourself.
So talk to someone in your area – put these other things in place and keep talking here so that we can see your progress. I wish you well.
Жаль слышать это, но когда вы вернетесь, мы все еще будем здесь.
Sorry to hear this, but when you do come back we will still be here.
Here in these forums. Read other people’s stories and the advice that has been given to them.
Boredom is a trigger for gambling for me. Connection was what made a difference. Talking to people on-line keeps me occupied and away from casinos and other places where I could be tempted …. BUT I am not saying what works for me would work for you too – you have to find your own way.
I would consider talking to a counselor though – to work out what is behind your gambling (there is always something else) and sorting that out. It might sound expensive at first – but you might save a lot more than money in the long run.
I wish you well.