[Steev]

There is an old adage about loving people which is that I love YOU but I don’t love YOUR behaviour.  I think it is really important to seperate the two things out. 

You have a problem behaviour that causes you to gamble – but YOU are NOT just your behaviour.  Love and support the YOU that is making changes, getting support, blocking yourself from gambling.  That shows that you value YOU.

So please don’t hate yourself.  Hate the problem behaviour.  You need to love and support yourself through this.  Give yourself treats, be gentle with yourself – what is done is in the past, leave it there and move forwards into a new part of your life as a recovering gambler – and soon to be a non-gambler.  Love yourself for that – not for past behaviours.  I wish you well.

[Steev]

I’m really sorry to hear what has happened – and I know you want your family back together – but the way to do this is to focus on yourself.

You need to stop gambling – read the stories here and look at the “recovery tools” part of the website to see how to do this. But in a nutshell you need to lose access to places where you gamble, access to the money to gamble with and fill the time with non gambling things. You also need very good support for yourself. If you are feeling suicidal, please contact a helpline in the country you are in, Samaritans in the UK for instance.
If you focus on your own recovery and show your husband that you are working on this and can be trusted again (and that may take a long time) then your relationship may heal.
If you can get to one of the support group meetings – especially those for new members – you will be able to get more specific advice. Or tell us more about yourself here to get more responses. I wish you well.

[Steev]

Am rearranging everything.  Luckily Airbnb are being very good to travellers and are allowing us to cancel without penalty.  Not such good news for accommodation providers I fear.  Today was a panic as the conference I was going to in Somerset decided not to go ahead at the last minute and I didn’t have alternative accommodation.  I tried to book somewhere else and they messaged me back to say they were ill with a cough and self-isolating so I couldn’t come.  Finally found somewhere is another town, nearby to here and will go tomorrow.  Might be noisy and it is only a sofa bed – but then it is only for 4 days. 

I have cancelled the first part of my trip to France and will probably cancel the rest in the next few days.  Have accommodation sorted in the UK until April 8th – and there is the possibility of getting the flat I am in now on a short term let from April 26th – so just need to fill the gap.  It’s Easter and everywhere is booked – but I am hoping there might be some cancellations! 

How are you now?  I hope you are feeling better and able to get about a bit.  Take care.

[Steev]

Jeg kjente kraften i det innlegget.

Jeg tror at når vi gambler, legger vi så mye av energien vår i innsatsen og angeren og kampene med trang til å satse igjen – jage tap osv. – at det tar energien vår fra der den trengs, og vi bare akseptere våre liv som "sånn er det."

I mitt tilfelle – jeg tror ikke jeg noen gang ville ha reist hvis jeg fortsatt spilte, ikke bare fordi jeg ikke hadde råd til det – men fordi jeg bare ville ha satt det av som "noe jeg ville gjort en dag , "uten å få det til.

Å takle ting som må gjøres (igjen, i mitt tilfelle å rydde ut og selge hjemmet mitt) blir mer fokus – og det burde det også være.

Få god støtte for deg selv mens du tar beslutninger du må ta. Husk å alltid sette restitusjonen først. Jeg ønsker deg vell!

[Steev]

Ik voelde de kracht in die post.

Ik denk dat wanneer we aan het gokken zijn, we zoveel van onze energie steken in de weddenschap en het berouw en het vechten met de drang om opnieuw te wedden – verliezen najagen enz. – dat het onze energie weghaalt van waar het nodig is en we gewoon accepteer ons leven als "zo is het".

In mijn geval – ik denk niet dat ik ooit op reis zou zijn gegaan als ik nog aan het gokken was, niet alleen omdat ik het niet kon betalen – maar omdat ik het gewoon zou hebben uitgesteld als "iets dat ik ooit zou willen doen ’, zonder het te laten gebeuren.

Het aanpakken van dingen die gedaan moeten worden (nogmaals, in mijn geval het opruimen en verkopen van mijn huis) wordt meer een focus – en zo zou het ook moeten zijn.

Zorg voor goede ondersteuning voor jezelf terwijl je beslissingen neemt die je moet nemen. Denk eraan om uw herstel altijd op de eerste plaats te zetten. Ik wens je het beste!

[Steev]

Je pouvais sentir le pouvoir dans ce post.

Je pense que lorsque nous jouons, nous mettons tellement de notre énergie dans le pari, les remords et les combats avec l'envie de parier à nouveau – courir après les pertes, etc. – que cela nous enlève notre énergie là où elle est nécessaire et nous accepter nos vies comme « c'est comme ça.

Dans mon cas – je ne pense pas que je serais jamais parti en voyage si j'avais encore joué, pas seulement parce que je n'en avais pas les moyens – mais parce que je l'aurais simplement remis comme "quelque chose que j'aimerais faire un jour , " sans que cela se produise.

S'attaquer aux choses qui doivent être faites (encore une fois, dans mon cas, nettoyer et vendre ma maison) devient plus une priorité – et il devrait en être ainsi.

Obtenez un bon soutien pour vous-même pendant que vous prenez les décisions que vous devez prendre. N'oubliez pas de toujours mettre votre récupération en premier. Je vous souhaite bonne!

[Steev]

Усещах силата в този пост.

Мисля, че когато залагаме, ние влагаме толкова голяма част от енергията си в залога и угризенията и борбата с желанието да залагаме отново – преследване на загуби и т.н. – че отнема енергията ни от мястото, където е необходимо и ние просто приеме живота ни като „такъв е той“.

В моя случай – не мисля, че някога бих тръгнал да пътувам, ако все още играех хазарт, не просто защото не можех да си го позволя – а защото просто щях да го отложа като „нещо, което бих искал да направя един ден , „без това да се случи.

Справянето с нещата, които трябва да се направят (отново в моя случай разчистване и продажба на жилището ми) става по -фокус – и така трябва да бъде.

Получете добра подкрепа за себе си, докато вземате решения, които трябва да вземете. Не забравяйте винаги да поставяте възстановяването си на първо място. Желая ти всичко хубаво!

[Steev]

I could feel the power in that post. 

I think that when we are gambling, we put so much of our energy into the bet and the remorse and the fighting with the urge to bet again – chasing losses etc. – that it takes our energy away from where it is needed and we just accept our lives as “that’s how it is.”

In my case – I don’t think I would have ever gone travelling if I was still gambling, not just because I couldn’t afford it – but because I would have just put it off as “something I would like to do one day,” without making it happen.

Tackling things that need to be done (again, in my case clearing out and selling my home) becomes more of a focus – and so it should be.  

Get good support for yourself whilst you make decisions that you need to make.  Remember to always put your recovery first.  I wish you well!

[Steev]

I have been really impressed with your commitment to your recovery and your positivity.

Looking forwards to hearing about your next 100 days.

Take good care now!

[Steev]

Good to hear those words and I hope you were able to stick with it and NOT chase your losses. 

Chasing losses is the definition of the “compulsive gambler.”

But I know from experience how difficult it is to ignore the voice in your head that says, “just one more bet and you can be free.”   Know that this is a lie – that this is your compulsion speaking.

Put as much effort into your recovery as you did into your gambling.  Get as much support for yourself as you can find.  I wish you well.

[Steev]

I’m back for my planned visit to the UK amongst all the angst of travelling. I got here by train from Paris with no problems but am a little worried that I might be stuck here and not allowed back to France when I plan to go in early April.

As I am homeless – I am a little worried that I may not have anywhere to go if this happens – but only a little worried. It is good to know that I have enough money in the bank to cope with any eventuality and this is something that I would not have had if I was still gambling. Mind you if I was still gambling I would probably not be travelling at all!

Will keep you posted on my travels. I do hope you are all able to keep safe in these worrying times.

[Steev]

Thanks for your birthday wishes!

[Steev]

Bra for deg! Jeg håper du liker den nye vaskemaskinen din. Jeg har begynt å se etter dem i airbnbs nå, siden det er så mye lettere enn å prøve å forstå et vaskeri som ikke snakker engelsk. Jeg hadde aldri en … men jeg betalte alltid for servicevask – så jeg slapp å sitte der hele dagen.

Jeg tror det er så viktig å legge ut om hvilken forskjell IKKE GAMBLING har gjort for våre liv. Det holder meg motivert også !!

[Steev]

Goed van je! Ik wens u veel plezier met uw nieuwe wasmachine. Ik ben nu op ze gaan letten in airbnbs, omdat het zoveel gemakkelijker is dan proberen een wasserette te begrijpen die geen Engels spreekt. Ik heb er nooit een gehad … maar ik heb altijd betaald voor de wasbeurt – dus ik hoefde daar niet de hele dag te zitten.

Ik denk dat het zo belangrijk is om te posten wat een verschil NIET GOKKEN heeft gemaakt in ons leven. Het houdt mij ook gemotiveerd!!

[Steev]

Bien sur vous! J'espère que vous apprécierez votre nouvelle machine à laver. J'ai commencé à les chercher dans airbnbs maintenant car c'est tellement plus facile que d'essayer de comprendre une laverie qui ne parle pas anglais. Je n'en ai jamais eu… mais j'ai toujours payé pour le service de lavage – je n'ai donc pas eu à rester là toute la journée.

Je pense qu'il est si important de publier sur la différence que NOT GAMBLING a fait dans nos vies. ça me motive aussi !!

[Author]

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