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I would say there are 4 things you need to do if you want really want to stop.
Firstly – lose access to gambling sites – by using blockers (there is a link here – google others … https://www.gamblingtherapy.org/en/blocking-filtering-software )
Second – lose access to money – if you can get a trusted family member or friend to handle your finances for you.
Thirdly – lose access to time to gamble. Find other things to do. More practice? More gigs? Learn another instrument?
Fourthly – get good support for yourself. So this is GA, a therapist / counsellor, self-help group, online support on here or other gambling help sites.
If you seriously feel that going from this addiction will drive you into another one, then I suggest you need to look into what is creating this in you – either with a counsellor or self-help group like co-counselling. I wish you well.The relapse starts with the thought and if we can catch that thought and see what is behind it we can do something to stop the gamble in its tracks.
I learnt to notice when I was thinking about gambling and then think – what has caused this and how can I satisfy the need in me (usually an emotional one) without gambling.
For me it was often simple boredom. Gambling created drama in my life and made life more interesting . But it was negatively interesting – so finding stuff that was more positive was the way out for me.
Find out emotional need you are trying to satisfy with gambling and try another way . I wish you well.
You wrote: “I am still gamble free – I guess that’s something to be happy about.” More than something to be happy about, but something to PROUD of.
Staying gamble free after a while is pretty easy most of the time, but it is when you are really tested that you have to do the work. Put your blocks in place, work out what is going on for you, what triggered you and if you can, work on it; if not talk to someone about it. Find something to do to take your mind off things (I know – easier said than done.) And remember that things will look different in the morning.
I think the self sabotage thing is real. I started journaling on this – asking that part of me what it needed (I know I am a bit mad like that) and worked out that it was my low self esteem, the fact that I didn’t deserve a “normal” life. It has been a really slow process for me to feel valued by me and I think I am still a work in progress. I am not saying that is what is going on for you – it may be something completely different – but getting to the bottom of what is happening in our brains will help to put the gambling bug to bed – I’m sure.
Something to bring to counselling – or to a one-to-one on here perhaps? I am sure you can work out what you need and give yourself that. I wish you well.
The sites I use for learning languages are http://www.duolingo.com – which has a free option. Also http://www.italki.com – if you go to “community” you may be able to swap time in your language for the one you want to learn – for free.
There are also free online courses in lots of subjects with http://www.futurelearn.comNot sure this stuff is everyone’s idea of fun – but it could get you started … I am sure you can think of other stuff!
Для изучения языков я использую сайты http://www.duolingo.com, где есть бесплатный вариант. Также http://www.italki.com – если вы зайдете в «сообщество», вы сможете поменять время на своем языке на тот, который вы хотите выучить – бесплатно. На сайте http://www.futurelearn.com также есть бесплатные онлайн-курсы по многим предметам. Не уверен, что этот материал всем нравится, но он может помочь вам начать … Я уверен, что вы можете придумать и другие вещи!
I know when I was first trying to stop – I focused on the “not doing.” Not gambling, not going to the pub, not worrying, not thinking about my losses.
It was hard for me – because life seemed so empty when I wasn’t doing these things. I started to journal and it was from then that I realised that I needed to fill my time and my thoughts with other more positive things. So I tried various things out that I thought I might be interested in. Some didn’t work (chess, drawing classes) some worked better than I thought (jive dancing and my great love – simply walking in nature.)
I think not knowing what you want from life is a great opportunity to try things out. At the moment when we can’t go anywhere – we can try things on-line to see if they might be something to do when the world starts working again.
Keeping a journal where you make a note of things that interest you could be a starting point – as could counselling (online for now) and joining other support groups.
Congrats on your positivity and I hope things go well for you.
Klinkt als een positieve nieuwe richting in je leven. Als je hulp nodig hebt van een ex-loopbaanadviseur … vraag het maar!
आपके जीवन में एक सकारात्मक नई दिशा की तरह लगता है। यदि आपको किसी पूर्व करियर सलाहकार से किसी सहायता की आवश्यकता हो… बस पूछें!
Sounds like a positive new direction in your life.
If you should need any help from an ex careers adviser … just ask!
Pozitív új iránynak tűnik az életedben. Ha segítségre van szüksége egy korábbi karrier tanácsadójától … kérdezzen!
Hi Ruthus, it was good to talk to you last night in group and I hope today finds you well.
These are difficult times – and as I would normally say look to find a support group or counselor – as much of the world is closed down this, for many, isn’t possible right now.
So keep checking in with people. Keep in contact and let us know how things are going with you.
If you can get into group tonight, there are some moderated groups starting at 7pm UK time … which means there will always be someone there for you to talk to.
Take good care of yourself.Be good to hear some news from you! Just saying 😉
“I now feel like the last 10 years have been wasted:(”
That was a hard one for me … still is in my more depressing moments – but what is a life if we don’t learn from it? Sometimes the learning is longer and more painful than we would like – but I have learnt a lot about myself and about how to negotiate life because of my gambling …
I don’t think of my 10 years of gambling and another 10 of gambling whilst in recovery as “wasted” because it has taught me to shape my own life and to make it what I want to be. In gambling we are just reactive to an external stimulus (the horses on the screen or the odds!) To really live life, I believe we have to be pro-active.
Of course, we don’t know what our lives would have been if we hadn’t succumbed to the “gambling bug.” Maybe something else (alcohol) would have got us. Maybe we would have gambled “normally” over several years and be just managing but not really have a life. Maybe we would have taken up windsurfing, had a bad accident and be in a wheelchair … who knows!
As for the debts – yes I was there too – for far too many years. Anxious about repayments, living from payday to payday – always feeling I had to tighten my belt … I think the serenity prayer works best here … Can I change things to increase income or reduce expenses (I failed on the “negotiating with my creditors front!”) Then acceptance – and find ways of living a good life on a limited income. Another life lesson!
Be more than happy on your 3 months – 90 days has a special place in the 12 step groups … I think you get a pin. Go and buy or do something special for yourself. You deserve it!
I know it is no where near the same as having your family to support you, but you do have support here from people who have been in similar situations and know that it is the “gambling behaviour” to blame for what has happened and not you as a person.
Please be kind to yourself in this difficult time. There are support groups here and on other on-line sites if you feel the need to reach out.