[paul315]

Good morning, my name is Larry and I am a Compulsive Gambler, my last bet was August 13, 2009.
Today marks my 10th Month of being gambling free.  It is a milestone that represents little in the way of official recognition with mementos, but calls for a special celebration on my part.  304 days of recovery has brought me from what was a reason for me to evade life, and taken me to pursuing life. 
It the past I lied and planed around gambling events  to get out of life events and obligations that would take from my gambling time. I was not only "reluctant to use ‘gambling money’ for normal expenditures"; I was defiant in using gambling time for normal activities.
.
At my GA meeting last week I mentioned that I would not be there this Monday, the 14th.  The reason was that  I was going to celebrate with my granddaughter at her graduation from pre-school. While sharing this I mentioned that this was one of the many daily enjoyments that being gambling free has allowed me; then to justify such a trivial thing keeping me from a meeting, I jokingly mentioned that even if I was still gambling I could not even get out of this, it was a command attendance.  Then it hit me, and hit me hard; if I was still gambling I would lie to her and upset her plans, I did it in the past concerning my joining in on other occasions and if still gambling, the overpowering pull of this addiction would cause me to do it again, it is the nature of the beast.
So today I am celebrating a minor, yet notable, milestone in preparation for a much grander, yet childish, celebration in a little girl’s growing up;  and in continuing preparation for all the forthcoming and ongoing celebrations in my life.
Before this addiction controlled every part of my life; now that I am in Recovery and started applying the needed changes to my life, e.g., I will no longer lie to my family about being at events, I recognize that the choice is mine. I will no longer choose to satisfy a selfish urge that will fade in a few brief moments – yes the urges can be strong and demanding, yet nevertheless brief and harmless, over the choice of not to gamble and enjoy the many things of life – a choice to gamble having results that will last a far far more longer time, a choice that will hurt and will cause harm.  We have two alternatives as CGs: to gamble, risking progressive deterioration or not to gamble, and develop a better way of life; we have only one choice.
One Day At A Time, They Add Up – and not just in gambling free time and milestones. 
God’s speed.Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.

[paul315]

Kathryn,
Well done.  Congratulations on your One Year Milestone.
I went back and scanned through your post during this paste year, your life in recovery has been a great adventure. In addition to battling the expected urges and temptations of gambling, you have faced many challenges both on the homefront and at work. And not only faced them, but stayed on top of them, preventing the gambling addiction from creeping back in control during these volnerable times. You have become solid in your recovery.
To share in your stories of life, and in your post of encouragement to other CGs, has made my efforts easier. Through the "old-timers" like you, I know that I can make it and have a better life. I only need to face the truth and be diligent in my efforts.
God bless you. Keep up the good, don’t let up during the remainder of your journey.Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.

[paul315]

Good morning Betty,
logging on and seen your post of a few minutes ago, thought I would say hi
as for changes in life, I found that working on recovery, change mine without me trying to do that part, recognizing the bat character traits and stopping them is what made the change.
Keep working on what you are doing to not gamble and you will see change too.
Larry

"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.– 6/8/2010 11:13:55 AM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Good morning Kathryn,
Just a note to say hello and that it is good to see that you are enjoying some of the small things is life. Your new passion does give amplify a different sound to the idiom "I got an ear full".  And there s money to be made in ear wax; Q-Tips have made a fortune by advising people Not To Use their product for cleaning out ears.  If you find the results of using a syringe interesting, try using an "Ear Candle".
One thing for certain though, even with my blockage, I hear you loud and clear when you are telling of the benefits in being gambling free.Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie

…  I am waiting for the slip …
…  I felt guilty spending the cash …

Good morning Bettie,
It does seem strange how we in the past could blow dollar after dollar with little if any guilt and now that we don’t gamble we feel guilty about pampering ourselves a little.  What guilt we felt during and after gambling came more form the realization the we did wrong and not necessarily that we spent money. Now that we are gambling free spending a little extra causes a different guilt. This comes from being responsible and is not the same guilt that haunts and causes pain; rather it is a guilt that reminds us to be vigilant while still allowing a good feeling.
Don’t bother waiting for a slip, you do not gamble. On the other hand, if you are waiting to slip; keeping working on your recovery and that wait will be useless also. Just do it ODAAT.
 Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettieWoke up wishing I was dead today

Originally posted by Ken L

May 13 Reflection for the Day

… when a person stumbles through the day in a pit of despair, wishing to die, but refusing to die; when a person gets up the next day and does it all over again – well, that takes guts… Have I the courage to keep trying, one day at a time? …

Good afternoon Betty,
Good to visit with you in Group today.  After I left I read Ken L’s Reflection for the Day and thought of you and your topic title.  If you get a chance read it.
It is obvious that your "wish" has changed into a desire to live; a desire to live gambling free.
God’s speed. Stay strong.Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.

[paul315]

May 13, 2009 – 9 Months Gambling Free 
Hello, my name is Larry and I am a Compulsive Gambler, my last bet was on August 13, 2009.
The first time I said those words was at my first GA meeting, now 270 Days (ODAAT) after my last bet I can still say the same words at each GA meeting and when I welcome and introduce myself to new members here at GT.   It is a great feeling; a feeling the combines pride in my accomplishment and gratitude to my Fellow Gamblers — those who provided support and encouragement; plus a thanks to my Greater Power, a combination of my 3Gs, God, GA, and GT.  In addition, I wish to singularly thank my "highest" power, my God, who gave the wake-up call for me to get my life together and seek out His will; who made me realize that I had had "Enough".
A couple days ago in the Daily Pledge thread I referred to being able to take a trip as "a result of being gambling free".  Well, the short excursion was enjoyable, and of course  thankfully was a gambling free one.  However, even over this short period I had to use rational thinking to overcome little temptations and combat false justifications that my mind was fabricating to allow me to gamble. There were lottery ticket sales everywhere and just so happens that in my bag I still had a unclaimed winning ticked that was an office Christmas present, one for a "free" ticket. My argument was that my exchanging it for another one, one with a chance for the "big" win — a CG’s elusive dream, would not be gambling. My realization was that it would be gambling and go against my pledge not to gamble even a token or equivalent.
To make a sorely needed contradiction to and play on the popular phrase "What Happens In Vegas Stays In Vegas", what we do while away, be it Vegas or any other place, does not stay there; the wrongs that we allow ourselves to do because we are away from a protective environment follows us back and haunts us. To be gambling free we must keep Recovery with us, not leave it at home to come back to. 
I also realized that my being able to take this ordinary type day-trip, was not only because being gambling free allowed me to have a little extra funds; being gambling free allowed me to have and take the time to go — to not be tied down to the casino unable to leave.  Being gambling free allowed me to follow through on my thoughts (sort of a dream) of taking a train ride every time I passed the Amtrak station.  Even though I do not consider this trip a dream, not even a Disney-type one, it was however part of an elusive CG one "back when"; when I was caught up in gambling and passed the station I would "dream" about winning big and traveling across country on the train, visiting all the casinos and winning even more. Being gambling free has freed my mind of the elusive dreams; now I can return to the Disney-type ordinary ones, and even experience them now and then.
To all my Fellow Gamblers, God’s speed, stay strong, keep aware; keep your real dreams alive.Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie

… had no $$, couldn’t write a check …
… happy today! What a blessing …

Good morning Betty,
Good to see you were able to snuff out the urges and stay gambling free; well done.
I find that not carrying $$ and not being able to write a check (plus not having a ATM card or the use of cash advances on credit cards) my biggest barrier. Keep yours in place, having them as part of your armory makes saying no somewhat easier resulting in being happy and blessed.
God’s speed.Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by Kathryn
… So thats where i am today …
To live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan
Good morning Kathryn,
I start my day by reading another chapter in your journal of life "a Great Adventure". The past pages of it contain both the ups and downs that have brought you to this stage; where you are at today. A point in life where you are living a better more enjoyable life thanks to staying gambling free and working on the things in you that caused you to become a part of this addiction of compulsive gambling. 
The better parts of your life and the enjoyments would not exist if you were still caught up in gambling’s overpowering hold. Unfortunately, things that upset us and cause distress coincide with this good as well. However, the "downs", eventhough some may be connected to your past, are part of life and would exist if you had gambled or not.
You seam to recognize the that the failure to communicate and except responsibilities is a issue in this case, but this need does go both ways, even when only one is in the wrong. As female G said in a post "Money does make people crazy"; but dealing with it in crazy ways does not have to stop them from caring. You both know, accept and have lived with the faults of each other, it is just at certain times these things that we normally accept or overlook explode. The certain times are normally brought about by life altering events such as, job changes, weddings, deaths, and even the realization of dormant bills that pop up. Both the good and bad events causes stress to both us and those around us. 
So as you say this is where you are today, now factor in  where you would be if gambling was still adding its disastrous impact on your lives  — where you are at would not be this great adventure, for you would not be living you would only be escaping.
God’s speed. Be strong. Be kind.
Larry

"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.– 5/5/2010 9:39:59 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

Good morning Kathryn,
Sorry to hear about your loss. The death of someone close can take a toll on our thinking, but the good memories and a chance to be around others seam to come out ahead of the sad feelings. 
I can not be there, but I can show my respects to you.  May God comfort you.Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by paul315

April 13, 2010 — 8 Months living gambling free!
… On a more personal and remorseful note, today also marks the end of my marriage …

Good morning,
I am copying part of a post to Cully to express my thanks to all who read mine and for the replies. One of the reasons for this forum is to let us talk about our lives. I don’t do this on a daily basis, the majority of my post is about  working recovery, but knowing that I can lean of others, not just benefit from their stories and their support and guidance is part of recovery and helps get me through the harder times.
And as it turns out I still need your shoulders; the decision was delayed. The judge took the matter "under advisement" due to the fact that my wife did not have a SSN, as required by Homeland Security in such matters — this is a relatively small concern, but still needs approval. Also, my daughter only has a "US Consulate Birth Certificate", not a State issued one; apparently the judge is familiar with certificates issues by different States and certificates issued by foreign governments, or even births recorded in family Bibles, but this is new to him.  At least that is what I got from the explanation my lawyer gave. There will be no problem and I do not have to go back to court, the clerk just has to attache "his" comments to the decision. Although, I can almost see an "International Incident" taking place.
 So until the filling of the decision, I am still married and still safe from any advances by some mother’s daughter, or at my age, daughter’s mother.
But seriously, Thanks again.
 Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by Cully21

Hi Larry.
I would have sworn that I sent you a post this mornig. I think I did. I hope that it did not offend you. It was deep and emotional but no offense was intended. I don’t know if I nuked it or removed it. Please let me know and I stay away from the subject.
God Bless,
Cully21

No problem, I was just posting the same type to you that you can find posted on your topic page.
God’s speed.
Larry

"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.– 4/14/2010 7:35:01 PM: post edited by paul315.

[paul315]

April 13, 2010 — 8 Months living gambling free!
Hi, my name is Larry and I am a Compulsive Gambler, my last bet was August 13, 2009.
Today’s milestone is not one that is recognized with a key tag or coin embossed with the continuous clean time that we have accumulated, but it is one that I recognize. It has no more significance then yesterday or any other day in my recovery, other then being a more recognizable calendar date; but I will use it to post to "My Journal".
It seams that I do not post to my journal consistently, at least not to the the one in this Forum; I do however write in my personal journal about my progress to keep me mindful of my reason and need for being in recovery — "not to gamble, and develop a better way of life" vs. the alternative, "to gamble, risking progressive deterioration". When I look at the choices and compare the results the only sensible and logical conclusion that I can reach is found in a quote from Stephen, "What has helped me tremendously in recovery is not allowing the addiction to let me blindly look at any positive, or perceived positive aspects of gambling…but to clearly look at the negative aspects of gambling. It’s not even debatable…the negative aspects of gambling far outweigh any possible positive aspects by a very wide margin." 
Unfortunately, another thing that has helped me stay gambling free is found in another statement I make from time to time to new members; and as it turns out, also applies to a few established members on more occasions then needed: Your being here and your stories about your problems in recovery offer much help to me; you let me know that things have not changed in the gambling world, your report renews my fears of this without me having to venture back into that abyss for a personal look — using what I learn from you I do not want to trade my sobriety for a cheep thrill or momentarily and fleeting release of frustrations.
On a more personal and remorseful note, today also marks the end of my marriage and my life with a family that I deserted. I allowed myself to be overpowered by the false "comforts" and  "escape" gambling seamed to promise. I let this compulsion rob me of too much time and avoid too many chances to recover my family life; now I am left with working on my recovery from gambling, trying to save the remaining pieces of a life without them. Gambling takes far far more from us then the valueless money that we all complain about when we first enter recovery; it takes life from us.
To all my Fellow Gamblers, don’t let gambling continue to rob you of life. Our family and friends can only endure so much; don’t push them into a place where they can not overlook our wrongs and misdeeds any longer. Our selfish desires to be the one to beat the unbeatable odds and our fantasy notions that we can control our gambling, not only destroys us, but all we are connected to. Put your foolish pride aside and enjoy life with the ones you love.
God’s speed to all. Keep strong. Keep aware. Take action; make an honest and true effort. Show care for the ones around you.
 Love,Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.

[paul315]

Kathryn,
Thanks for listening to me go on in the group today, you got to hear a little of the continuation of the background that  you asked about some months ago.
And again, congratulation on your new job.Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.

[paul315]

Originally posted by bettie

… Does anyone have casino dreams? … 
… we do have tough love too! She needs to see a post by Larry (LOL! Not to pick on him, he give GREAT advice!)

Good afternoon Bettie,
I have had a few dreams about casinos, but like in yours, I not gambling. I remember one where I was just walking by a machine and it started spitting out money from the input slot. Everyone was congratulating me on my "win" but I was not enjoying it; I knew I would not be able to keep it. Sure enough security came and took the money. The interpretation I got was that it was just like any real win I ever had, or would have, – it all went back to the casino.
I also use to have day dreams, or better described as thoughts, about gambling throughout every day. Every image I saw reminded me of a theme of a slot machine; I could not get those images out of my mine. Thankfully they no longer exist, but are still a memory.
They are only a memories now and my dreams are not about gambling because I keep myself aware of the pitfalls and of the ways to avoid them.  One way I do this is through my posting to others here; the "tough love" that comes is perceived in my post is directed to me. Every word of advice that I try to pass on is advice that I need to stay gambling free.
Thanks to you and the others here for being my shoulder to lean on. Thanks for extending your hands.
 Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.

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