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  • in reply to: Not just our problem #42459
    maverick.
    Participant

    Nice post Jonny B, you are right in so many ways, life throws so much at us in one way shape or form, even if we didn’t have the extra issue of being compulsive gamblers there is still so many stresses in life, wish you well mate and keep fighting on, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

    Maverick

    in reply to: I was here #36431
    maverick.
    Participant

    Laura, It’s always nice to read your posts because you are an honest, genuine, kind, thoughtful, loving women, your last post doesn’t meet my standards it exceeds them by miles, keep fighting and plodding my friend, so very happy to share my recovery with you, look after yourself and really hope you are keeping well.

    Take care and speak soon.

    P.S – sorry about my title I do have a sense of humour – you probably read it and thought Maverick what on earth are you on about lol – take care and stay strong in every way.

    Maverick

    in reply to: This Time #42494
    maverick.
    Participant

    I did it, Thank you for your posts on my thread, its always nice to see your name pop up, how are you keeping? how is life treating you?, we must try and catch up soon and as always I wish you all my very best.

    Maverick

    in reply to: Just for today I will not gamble #31878
    maverick.
    Participant

    Firstly I thank you all once again for all your feedback and taking the time to post on my thread.

    In all honesty I answer to no one in this world and never will, perhaps that is another one of my character defects but hey at least I know what they are.

    When I read peoples post on here I see many things in them, I read them, I take them in, I am thankful for them, I take what I need and I leave the rest.

    Just for today my wife is happy, my children are happy and I am happy, despite my gambling addiction I always look after them, I always pay the rent, always pay the bills, they never go without the things they need, always put food on the table, clothes on there back but most importantly I give them love.

    Yes I am a compulsive gambler and have been working on sorting myself out for around 6 years ish now, like I have said before I am in recovery (although slipped many times) have put up many barriers self exclusion to name just one, I am a work in progress and that will always be the case.

    I know one thing for certain we are all the same distance away from our next bet!

    I had to be careful what I said tonight as I don’t want to start a war of attrition as that is no good for anyone!

    That’s all I have tonight as going to watch a film with the family, wish you all well.

    Maverick

    in reply to: Just for today I will not gamble #31877
    maverick.
    Participant

    Thanks also to Johnny B, for your feedback and taking the time to post on my thread, hope you are keeping well and wish you all the very best.

    Maverick

    in reply to: Just for today I will not gamble #31875
    maverick.
    Participant

    Thankyou very much Vera, Lizbeth, Jonny, I did it, Kin and Kathryn, I don’t really know where to start in my replies to you all, but thank you very much for taking your valuable time to post and think of me its very kind of you all and I also wish each and everyone of you all the very best.

    I will post more shortly.

    Maverick

    in reply to: Just for today I will not gamble #31868
    maverick.
    Participant

    I did it, thank you for your kind post and just for being you, you are a good person and never forget that, wish you well my friend.

    Kin likewise thank you for taking the time to post my friend and I really like the way you waited until your heart spoke I totally understand what you mean, I have read peoples threads before and wanted to reply but I had nothing in my heart to say and when that happens I stay quite, anyway you are a very kind person with a vey kind heart and thank you for being here and being around.

    THE HOLE

    So here it is, when I am in the hole and have dug it and still digging it I see nothing, I am just focused on digging and digging!

    Then when I sit down and stop digging I look around that hole I am in and the hole I have dug, its a very big hole and it is a very long way down but I sit there and look around and I think, as time goes by without digging I look around and see things that can get me out of this hole I have dug…….I keep looking around and keep seeing many things that can get me out of this big hole I have dug, I just have to stop digging and keep looking around and using all the other things available too me, the only thing I don’t see is a magic wand (thanks always Charles for your support and feedback and I am sorry if I took it the wrong way and for my silly quick wit comments on a previous post – really hope you are well, hope you had a wonderful Christmas and wish you all the very best for the new year – thanks for all you do), so yes I can help myself and I will.

    Kin my friend from the bottom of my heart thankyou, this living / survival skill will help me as long as I learn to help myself.

    Take care and wish each and everyone of you are happy new year, lets hope 2018 is better than 2017………I will hope however I do have a very important scan coming up in the 2nd week in January – fingers crossed.

    Maverick

    in reply to: Just for today I will not gamble #31865
    maverick.
    Participant

    The spinning wheel sucks at the reason for life

    The same wheel chants my name

    A devil I chose over children and wife

    I love it, despise it, this game

    My lies to get out, the stories id tell

    All oiled the greed in my head

    The money I stole, the things I could sell

    Morally, spiritually dead.

    A sleepless night, losses I could chase

    A months cash gambled, one day

    The last chance door slammed into my face

    And the ultimate price to pay

    The eyes of a child, who’s future has gone

    The eyes of a wife betrayed

    The words on your lips that always go wrong

    The debt that can never be paid.

    So, nothing is left, the wheel has won

    Is this life worth the sorrow

    Wife’s walked out and children have gone

    Maybe I’ll stop tomorrow!

    in reply to: Just for today I will not gamble #31864
    maverick.
    Participant

    I did it and Laura thank you for taking the time to post it means alot I really hope you are both keeping well and wish you all the very best.

    Maverick

    in reply to: Just for today I will not gamble #31861
    maverick.
    Participant

    Velvet thankyou my friend I hope you and your family have a wonderful christmas, take care and will always wish you well, hope you have a lovley time.

    Charles thanks for taking the time to post and hope you are keeping well…….guess what there are magic wands my friend I just dont have any so I will have to go back to the old school way and grow a pair of bollocks and live with the shit I have created, as for sharing what I am going to do moving forward and for future christmas I dont really care too much as my main focus is concentrating on trying to keep my wife and kids around for this one……and at that moment that is touch and go (all my own doing of course), anyway hope you are keeping well and have a nice christmas, thanks for your posts and support I know you mean well, take care and have a good one.

    Vera always great to see you around my friend and hope u r keeping well, I have looked at in house treatment many times but being totaly truthful with you if I have 1 day away from work sick financialy it kills me so just could not afford to do it…..I think it would be great and really help but just couldnt afford to be off work as no one else to support the wife and kids, take care and all the very best my friend.

    I did it, thankyou for posting and your kind words you are a very kind person with a harm heart, thanks for being around and keep posting and sharing, take care and wish u well.

    Kathryn, from the bottom of my heart thankyou, you are such a lovley person and when I read your words they touch my heart and bring a tear to my eyes, I really hope you are keeping well and wish you all the happiness in the world.

    In short thankyou everyone for all your support, I am what I am and I do what I do……trust me when I say I dont want to do it and I cry with the upset and hurt I cause at times, this addiction kills people…..wifes……children…..friends…….it doesnt care and at times there is no where to turn……..its shit I hate it and wish I never found gambling 27 years ago…..I am 41 now and still struggling with this addiction ……….it has pretty much destroyed me and yes its my own fault its all my own doing and in truth I dont need anyone else to tell me I am a **** because guess what I know………………..I have no more to say tonight apart from I know my friend Harry Potter would lend me his wand but hey again guess what it wouldnt touch the surface of the shit I have caused in life……….anyway thats enough!

    Happy Christmas to you all, hope you all have a wonderful time with your family and enjoy the moments…….life and time is priceless never forget that…….take care all and hope you have a great Christmas.

    All my very best.

    Maverick

    in reply to: Just for today I will not gamble #31855
    maverick.
    Participant

    I wasnt going to share tonight but hey here I am, so I have been working like a dog and trying to earn extra money for christmas, been feeling tom tit as have the flu, works been manic and havent been seeing much of the family its just been a full session of work….eat….and sleep……but thats ok because I have a goal……..a wonderful christmas for my wife and kids…….I have let them down so many times before……caused them stress grief and suffering but no more everything is good everything is changing…….life is hard but it is managable.

    Its going to be a wonderful christmas with family,love, presents, food and everything all the past christmas didnt have…….

    No its not because today I gambled, just for today I lost the plot, dropped everything I had, leant money from people you just dont lend off…….dropped all that and have just placed myself in a big hole, I dont really know or understand what is wrong with me if I am to be honest as I know what I shouldnt do but in the end I always seem to do it no matter what!

    Ok so I have 9 days to make Christmas a really good one………at this moment in time that seems impossible but you know what through all the s@it I have done and caused myself and others in this life I always seem to come back from the dead…….I dont know how or why but God knows this time I have dug a hole that deep an elevator wouldnt get me out!!

    Just wanted to share my utter stuip disrespectful behaviour in the hope it just helps one of you not follow my evil…..hateful……selfish path.

    Thanks for reading and listening as always…..wish you all well.

    From one of the worst people in the world…….just for today that I am.

    Lee

    in reply to: Eu não estou desistindo! #135575
    maverick.
    Participant

    Lizbeth, sinto muito por você ter escorregado e apostado … mas acontece e eu tenho feito isso centenas de vezes, então, por favor, não se culpe por isso, não podemos mudar o que fizemos … .e rapaz às vezes, tenho certeza de que ambos procuramos muito por essa máquina do tempo !, você deve tirar os pontos positivos disso meu amigo, isso o tornará uma pessoa melhor, eu sei que agora não parece nenhum ponto positivo, mas tudo acontece por um razão e no final torna mais forte e as pessoas que somos hoje. Estou muito feliz que você tenha passado bons momentos com sua irmã, você parecia que realmente gostou e também lamento saber de sua luta contínua com sua mãe, eu tenho uma irmã (ela me renegou há muito tempo, mas isso é outro stroy) e eu tenho um irmão que vejo quando ele quer ou precisa de algo … mas hey, suponho que poderia fazer um esforço algum dia, é o classisc realmente "você pode escolher seus amigos, mas não sua família", pensando bem isso eu não tenho muitos de qualquer um! Continue lutando com a Lizbeth minha amiga e sempre desejarei bem a você …… Eu tenho que voltar ao trabalho e ganhar algum dinheiro, estou gripado ……. não é um resfriado sim defo a gripe rsrs, mas não podia deixar de ir trabalhar ……. Se eu nunca tivesse encontrado jogos de azar há 27 anos, provavelmente poderia ser aposentado na minha tenra idade de 41 lol … mas hey nós fazemos o que fazemos e só por hoje acordei respirando de manhã e agradeço a Deus por isso. Espero que você esteja bem. Maverick

    in reply to: Pes etmiyorum! #121677
    maverick.
    Participant

    Lizbeth, hata yapıp kumar oynadığını duyduğuma gerçekten üzüldüm…… ama oldu ve ben bunu yüzlerce kez yaptım bu yüzden lütfen kendini bu konuda hırpalama, yaptığımız şeyi değiştiremeyiz….. .ve oğlum zaman zaman eminim ikimiz de o zaman makinesini çok aradık!, bunun olumlu yanlarını almalısın dostum bu seni daha iyi bir insan yapacak, biliyorum şu anda hiçbir olumlu şey yok ama her şey bir şey için oluyor sebep ve sonunda bugün olduğumuz insanları daha güçlü kılıyor. Kız kardeşinle iyi vakit geçirmene gerçekten çok sevindim, bundan gerçekten zevk alıyormuş gibi konuştun ve ayrıca annenle devam eden mücadeleni duyduğuma üzüldüm, bir kız kardeşim var (bir zaman önce beni reddetti ama bu başka bir hikaye) ve ben bir şey istediğinde veya ihtiyacı olduğunda gördüğüm bir erkek kardeşim var……..ama hey sanırım bir ara çabalayabilirim, bu klasik gerçekten "arkadaşlarını seçebilirsin ama aileni değil" aklıma geliyor ben de çoğu yok! Lizbeth ile savaşmaya devam et arkadaşım ve sana her zaman iyi dileklerde bulunacağım……İşe dönüp biraz para kazanmam lazım, grip oldum…… grip için soğuk değil evet lol, ama işe gitmemeyi göze alamazdım…….27 yıl önce hiç kumar oynamamış olsaydım muhtemelen 41 yaşımda emekli olabilirdim ve sadece bugün için bu sabah nefes nefese uyandım ve bunun için Tanrı'ya şükrediyorum. Umarım bu seni iyi bulur. başına buyruk

    in reply to: 私はあきらめていませんよ! #127427
    maverick.
    Participant

    リズベス、あなたが滑ってギャンブルをしたと聞いて本当に申し訳ありません…….しかしそれは起こり、私はそれを何百回もやったので、それについて自分を殴らないでください、私たちは私たちがしたことを変えることはできません….. 。そして男の子は時々私たちが両方ともそのタイムマシンを一生懸命探したと確信しています!、あなたはこの私の友人からポジティブをとらなければなりませんそれはあなたをより良い人にするでしょう、私は今のところポジティブはないようですがすべてが起こります理由そして最終的にそれはより強くなり、私たちが今日いる人々になります。お姉さんと一緒に楽しい時間を過ごせて本当に良かったと思いますし、お母さんとの闘いが続いていると聞いて申し訳ありません。何かが欲しい、または必要なときに会う兄弟がいる……でもねえ、いつか努力できると思うけど、その古典は本当に「友達は選べるけど家族は選べない」と思うようになる。それは私がどちらも多く持っていません!私の友人のリズベスと戦い続けてください、そしていつもあなたが元気になることを願っています……私は仕事に戻ってお金を稼ぐ必要があります、私はインフルエンザにかかっています…….風邪ではありませんはいインフルエンザ笑。仕事に行かないわけにはいかなかった……27年前にギャンブルを見つけたことがなかったら、41歳で引退するかもしれない笑……..でもねえ、私たちがやっていることをやるそして今日だけ、私は今朝の呼吸で目が覚めました、そして私はそれを神に感謝します。これがあなたをうまく見つけることを願っています。異端者

    in reply to: Nevzdávám se! #122298
    maverick.
    Participant

    Lizbeth, je mi opravdu líto, že slyšíš, že jsi uklouzl a hazardoval ……. ale to se stává a udělal jsem to už stokrát, takže se prosím v tom nebij, nemůžeme změnit to, co jsme udělali … .a občas jsem si jistý, že jsme oba usilovně hledali ten stroj času !, musíš si vzít pozitiva od toho, můj příteli, udělá to z tebe lepšího člověka důvod a nakonec to posílí a lidi, kterými jsme dnes. Jsem opravdu rád, že jsi se svou sestrou prožil pěkné chvíle, znělo to, jako by sis to opravdu užil, a také je mi líto, že slyším o tvém pokračujícím boji s tvojí matkou, mám sestru (ona mě před časem odmítla, ale to je další stroy) a já mít bratra, kterého vidím, když něco chce nebo potřebuje …….. ale hej, předpokládám, že bych se mohl někdy snažit, je to klasika „můžeš si vybrat přátele, ale ne svou rodinu“ ani já jich nemám mnoho! Pokračuj v boji, Lizbeth, můj příteli, a vždy ti bude přát vše dobré … musím se vrátit do práce a vydělat nějaké peníze, mám chřipku ……. ne nachlazení ano, odbourej chřipku, ale nemohl jsem si dovolit nechodit do práce ……. Pokud jsem před 27 lety hazardní hry nikdy nenašel, pravděpodobně bych mohl být v mém útlém věku 41 let v důchodu, ale hej, děláme to, co děláme a právě pro dnešek jsem se dnes ráno probudil s dechem a děkuji Bohu za to. Doufám, že se vám to dobře najde. Maverick

Viewing 15 posts - 136 through 150 (of 539 total)