[Johnny B]

This is not a traditional poem, per se, but it is a story leading toward a happy ending!!

[Johnny B]

Ce n'est pas un poème traditionnel en soi, mais c'est une histoire qui mène à une fin heureuse !!

[Johnny B]

I have recently seen studies where the “action” is where the addiction lays. The result of winning or losing doesn’t trigger the brain quite as much as the anticipation of winning or losing… This is why we don’t quit while we are ahead… I remember my own thought once when I won early on, and I told myself “good, now I can play a little longer”. It didn’t occur to me at the time what I was saying to myself, but now from the outside looking in, I can see it.
It is a scary, evil, little bastard that we all live with every day. Keep him at bay… we do have the power.

[Johnny B]

But always be prepared for the consequences…….
Then ask yourself if you should!

[Johnny B]

Thank you.
I have been working very hard. I am still saddened that I may never (and shouldn’t) gamble again, but I have proven time and time again that I can not do it responsibly….and frankly, even if I could, why would we. I hate to look back at where I would be “if I didn’t gamble” because that is all hocus pocus and none of us can answer that with certainty, but what I can say, is I am in a much better place with the “new” me in place.. I am more productive at work, I feel better about myself, and I can see the financial progress in the positive direction for once… Oh well, better late than never. Good luck on your progress, and thank you for your response.

[Johnny B]

Thank you for sharing. I still have the excitement of the “newness” of the forums. I know I can’t say what will happen when that wears off. I have seen several “slips” after people said they stopped participating.

It is a shame that there isn’t a more seamless option to the forums….like newest post first or newest response first….some posts are great, and they just seem to die off.

Good luck Jappy…and to anybody who reads this. I am very proud to have made GT part of my daily reading, and it truly has helped so far.

[Johnny B]

This sounds like one of my triggers… “I had it once, I can have it again”. I would think that there are bigger problems ahead, than what could have been. If you chase it , it isn’t going to turn out well. Please don’t take my word for it, look at the hundreds of pages of forums which describe exactly what you are going through. If the CG cycle wasn’t in place, the amount you were ahead, probably wouldn’t have existed, and especially that fact that it went away should scream RUN…..
Hopefully the GT forums help, it keeps my issues top of mind.
Good Luck…make the right choices

[Johnny B]

This forum should be for support and not for judgement. I have so much recognized where others are coming from. My only hope is that when the lapses happen and people post here, that they will recognize and respect the vicious cycle and the downward spiral that is inevitable for us. Good luck IDI. I hope the support you receive, helps you tame the beast.

[Johnny B]

The story sounds all too familiar. I was in a similar place. The bankruptcy can help you get back to square one credit wise… but it will do no good if you don’t change your habits. It won’t take away your 401k loan, but they cannot take your 401k in bankruptcy. Do not cash it our, or it will be looked at in a different asset class, and may be liquidated to your creditors. Use this forum for support, only you have the power to control what you do, but I have learned to use the words of others in our same position, and each day, I get a little better.
Good Luck

[Johnny B]

Dan,
Your comments are right on.. Nobody is going to worry about us, we need to make ourselves better. Gambling is a choice. Always was, always will be. The urge can get overwhelming, but is never truly uncontrollable ( unless we let it be ) I am on day 50ish as of this writing, I have found huge support on this forum, and when I was in day 7 to 10 I was looking forward to gambling ” the right way”…but now as I am further into my acceptance of my issues, I know there will never be a right way…. There have been too many explosions in the past, to think it will never happen again if I gamble… But rest assured the only way to make sure it doesnt happen again is NOT to do it….. One day…. Advice to Maverick…one day… don’t gamble today. tomorrow, do the same thing…Everything else will begin to get better, once you do not stand in it’s way.

[Johnny B]

I just ordered a book called “addiction by design” author: Natasha Dow Shull. I heard about it on another self help website. It dives into the design and the mathematics about slot machine gaming. The thrill of the spin and potential result is always more satisfying than the final result…. so the brain is always on high. Quite interesting, I have not dove too deeply yet, but it seems quite interesting. I have also seen a you tube video where they took a cg into a MRI machine and measured the brain activity during play and in between games… it is really interesting.
anyway….keep up the good work

[Johnny B]

congrats on your effort. I too am approximately 50 days gamble free. It is a difficult task, but I read once that all you have to do is not gamble today! The rest of time will take care of itself if we stick to one day at a time.. I for many years had stopped, and gambled “responsibly”, but there were always events which made me realize that maybe I am not cut out to “do it right”. I have found that these forums help me know I am not alone. It is amazing to me how all of our minds work alike. I don’t want anybody telling me I can’t gamble again, I want it to be my choice, which I am working on every day. I think that was always a trigger of mine, being told what to do, I hated that. We are adults, we make our own choices…but let’s make informed, rational decisions….always think before you leap….and in my life, the negatives far outweigh any positives that gambling can bring me.
Keep the faith!!!

[Johnny B]

Thanks for the advice. I am actually proud because I had suggested this concept to my wife and marriage counselor prior to finding gambling therapy online. I have to admit, there is a little psychological stigma once you have an allowance, but the reality is I put myself in this position. If I would have been more sincere with my wife, and did this years ago, when we started dating, how much better off would I be today????
Honestly, I don’t want to think about the past anymore. There are new days ahead, fresh paths to take, and a lot of wonderful experiences to have that will make the old memories fade away….good riddance!
ps
Today is a good day… no gambling for me…again!

[Johnny B]

53 days.. way to go.. Are you like me where each day gets a little easier.. I’ve noticed my triggers aren’t as strong. Even if the urge creeps in, it is easier to dismiss it thinking of the hard work I need to do to regain some of the broken trust with my wife. I really hope I can get back to where it was, but unfortunately, I think this will stick in the back of the mind for a very, very long time… Good Luck… One day at a time

[Johnny B]

Thank you for your reply. I am finding quite a few forums that just seem to end.. Hopefully we can all gain support from one another. I think I am fortunate that my “issues” seem more mental than physical, because I find myself not longing for the rush. There is no doubt I “loved” the rush… but like anything bad for you I don’t love it as much as I thought I did. Good Days ahead on your journey!!

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