[Johnny B]

I agree with Velvet. The fact that you are on here seeking help is an important step. Even if there are relapses, which we hope will be less rare, the fact that you recognize there is a problem is important.
The problem for me, is the acceptance that we cannot do what others can without issue… From many of the forums I have read, the relapses are like making up for lost time, and they usually are extreme blow ups. Fortunately, I have not been down that road ( and I will say yet, praying that it doesn’t happen)…but I know that the support on GT has made me more accountable…
Strangers behind keyboards, allow me to share my thoughts, and know my struggles… and not only do I not gamble for myself, but I don’t gamble because I don’t want to let everybody who believes in me down.
The beauty, is they will always be here with up and downs to share. Be proud of the effort you are making here, and believe me, the longer you stay away from gambling, the easier it is to say no.
Stay strong!
Johnny B

[Johnny B]

Feel fortunate that you have acquired very little debt. The losses start to become more brutal and unacceptable the more you try to chase… This site is full of people with stories much like yours, but many who have not recognized their issue until well beyond your recognition.
Coming to Gambling Therapy is a good first step. Keep up with your posting, participate in a chat room… I am 3 months gamble free after 30 years of madness. Do I miss it? Sometimes it passes my mind, like a no good ex girlfriend who you had fun with once or twice, but was purely toxic in the long run.
You have to be here for you. Please participate as much as you see fit, but keep in mind you are among friends!
Good luck on your path
Johnny B

[Johnny B]

I agree with Charles.. For myself checking payouts always makes me want to play again.. I always think I could be hitting those winners.. but never do. Even if I did, I would lose it all back again and then some..
Good luck on your journey. One day at a time!

[Johnny B]

While I still play the lottery, when I buy the tickets in person I spend between 10 and 20 a week. I found in the week that I was able to buy online I was up to $80.
I have no desire to play but a couple plays on the big games where the odds are ridiculous, and I play a smaller daily game for $1 a day….
When I went online, I started playing pick 3 and pick 4 which I never had played before. I don’t need that kind of fun, and as we know, small amounts turn in to big amounts over a period of time…I would rather have those savings in my account that pissed away in lottery… especially in Illinois USA (most corrupt state in the country)

[Johnny B]

I concur with your thoughts on the Lottery… However, just recently I had signed up to buy lottery tickets online for convenience…I have only played this way for a week, and I can see it becoming a much bigger issue than going to the convenience store with a little bit of cash to do it..
My personal struggles, as you have suggested, mostly have come from playing “when I am bored” or to have something to do… Online –anything gambling related — is pure evil to me. Slots and table games in a casino can create a huge issue on their own… Nobody should be able to gamble from the comfort of their own home… it can lead to nothing but problems (in my opinion)
Gambling (for non CG) was meant to be an escape, and a form of entertainment, like going to a movie or the such. When it is too easily accessible, especially for us who have had some issues, it can be a problem.
So in short, I think it is all of our rights to choose to do what we feel is right, but we all must be honest with ourselves , and if it seems like it is opening a door…we should close it immediately…none of us want to know what is on the other side.
Johnny B

[Johnny B]

I remember the first time we chatted how difficult it was for you to stop… I was very new at the time, but I knew there was hope.. I am recognizing that the positive strides you have made are starting to manifest themselves in other areas of your life.. For me, I know that the feeling of worthlessness is gone, and optimism has returned. And guess what, I like life like this way better than being sad and depressed about what I had done to myself…
I know every day isn’t easy, but you are doing awesome! and are a shining example to anybody new on GT that thinks they cannot stop!
I am sure we will cross paths in chat, and I am very happy life is smiling upon you!

[Johnny B]

You don’t have to apologize for anything. I like this site because of the honesty. And one of my triggers and reasons for gambling is when people told me what I should or shouldn’t do. My decisions are my decisions, as yours are yours. There are some real life situations where we will be tested in our resolve, It will be up to all of us to decide what is right…..Since we recognize that we have issues is it better not to gamble? Of course it is, but to me there is no reason for you to feel defeated because you presented a real life situation.
I have had the exact discussion with my wife and counselor. Gambling in controlled situations has never gotten out of hand for me… It is when I abuse the opportunity when it becomes a problem. When I gamble alone is when I am out of control….but to me, those are my decisions and my decisions only.
In short, I think it may compromise your recovery if you are told what to do…Only you can make the decision, and be responsible for your choices.
I hope this isn’t offensive to anybody, and it isn’t meant to be, but I think it is important for us not to lose our ability to make choices, and if we make a choice that isn’t popular not to be ridiculed by it…
One of my new friends has recently relapsed and is terrified to post on the forums because of the judgment that some feel is their right to bestow upon him/her.
I am off of my soap box.. I wish you the best in your recovery, and thank you for sharing what issues you face!

[Johnny B]

Just under 3 months gamble free for me… I don’t remember the exact date… I just know I started on GT about 30-45 days after my last ill fated attempt.
I am not bragging, but I hope that anybody who thinks it is impossible, use me as an example….I refused to stop, I didn’t care if it was possible…but then one day it clicks… I hope I can keep it going!!!
I know I will not gamble today…and that is all that matters… one day at a time, and it is not so hard!
God Speed!!

[Johnny B]

I have re-read all of the wonderful posts made on my forum. I recognize that Gambling Therapy might be the best part of my recovery so far. I get a sense of pride when I can offer advice to try to help others struggling, and odd sense of relief knowing that I am not alone in the struggle, and a sense of sadness when I see so many people in the grip of something so strong.
But most of all, I see the resolve of a group of people, who have struggled with a major issue in life, all trying to make it better. This isn’t a glorified recovery. It is something mainstream society doesn’t understand, but the struggle is real. I have said it before….I am very proud of each and everyone of us for trying to make our lives better! There are bumps in the road, as we all know, but we do have hope, and with the support of all of you/us we can help each other make a positive difference in our lives!!

[Johnny B]

You will get a lot of good advice from people who, just like you, lost our senses. This does not make you a bad person, you have just made bad decisions.
I would highly recommend seeing a therapist. I was highly against, because I knew it would ultimately lead to me stopping gambling…and I wasn’t ready to… But if you are truly ready, I personally feel the one on one support is tremendous. Some have had good experiences with GA, others not so much… It is a little more difficult to find good help for a gambling issue as opposed to drugs or alcohol, but if you find a good therapist (I like the word counselor better) they can be there for you like a life coach. It helps to talk about it, It really helps to understand it.
Take my advice for whatever you think it is worth, but I know that, although I never thought it would help me, I can honestly say I wouldn’t be gamble free for almost 3 months without the help, and accountability that my counselor provides!
Best of luck on taking control of your life back

[Johnny B]

Reading your last post reminds me of what I am going through. I have finally reached the point in my life where the happiness I have without gambling, far outweighs the rush that gambling allows. I recently changed jobs and am earning half as much as I used to. However, since I don’t gamble anymore, I feel better off financially. Looking back it pisses me off that I didn’t save when I made, but it is not healthy for me to look back at what could have been…I choose to look forward to what is going to be, and knowing that I am not gambling today –(easiest way for me to stay true, one day at a time)–life is good. Time heals all wounds, and things will get better…as long as we don’t make them worse!! Congratulations on being strong, and staying away, this is a rough time to make the right choice, and you are doing great!

[Johnny B]

Bravo on taking the time to write in forums instead of gambling. The first step is to recognize the problem, the second is to do something about it. As you read other stories similar to yours you will see a lot of good suggestions from good people. Follow the advice. One thing we all admit, is that gambling is a powerful force that takes time to heal. If you stay away for awhile you will recognize the damage from a different point of view. Instead of wanting to gamble to win back your loses you will start to see progress that you have earned for yourself. Remember what brought you here. Don’t be afraid to let it go. You are not a bad person, you have an issue that all on gambling therapy can help you overcome!

[Johnny B]

Hi Jay
I concur with your assessment of our own will controls us. The only thing I will say to the contrary is when I was in the grips, people would always say, why don’t you just stop?
I think it is important to allow yourself to get in the right frame of mind, before you can be able to make a conscious decision to let it be just a passing thought. I am 2 months gamble free. I still battle with myself saying I will never gamble again, I still play the lottery (very sparingly), but my time here has allowed me to stop and think before I act…therefore, to your point, I am in control of my conscious decision to act or not…
But, once again, we all have to get the clouds cleared before we can see the sunshine again!
Good Luck… Congrats on your “free” time!!

[Johnny B]

Thanks
One more day, one more time. Today’s success will lead to tomorrows promise!…I am grateful for today!

[Johnny B]

I like to respond to this thread! I think it is important for us all to realize we are making progress, slow but sure. I had a car issue today $1000 repair (aarrgghh)…I called my wife who is out of town, and she got nervous right away because financial stress has always been one of my triggers… But for once, I have the money on hand to fix it. It won’t leave me with much, but my “normal” brain is over riding my “gambling” brain for once, which I think is a really good sign. I am recognizing the damage I can cause if I lose money right now, and it isn’t going to happen… I am very proud of myself right now. Silly to be proud of something so small, but in the the scheme of things it is huge!!!

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