[Johnny B]

Charles,
No truer words sum up my life. Someday…why not today? Keep up the good work

[Johnny B]

Charles,
No truer words sum up my life. Someday…why not today? Keep up the good work

[Johnny B]

I am about 5 months gamble free as of this writing. I went to counseling as demand from my wife to save my marriage. I had no Idea how much my problem was causing issues between us. The fact that I told her I wasn’t gambling, but was still doing it behind her back was a breach of trust and just another form of infidelity.
Long story short, I did not want to be in counseling, I had it under control. I have been taking counseling seriously for the last 6 months. I wasted almost a year thinking I knew better. In the last 6 months, my way of thinking has improved, and my self esteem is much better (self esteem was always an issue, and a reason I enjoyed gambling so much).
I didn’t like myself very much, and I didn’t care what gambling did to me. But because of my wife, and my respect for her, I was willing to try, and make a positive effort. We can say we want to quit, but many of us truly don’t want to, until it is too late.
If my advice means anything, keep up with the counseling, if you aren’t happy with your current counselor, seek out another. In the right situation, as mine is, my counselor is more like a life coach. They know they cannot control what I do, but they want me to think it through before I act, and that alone has kept me from gambling over 5 months now.
Best wishes
Johnny B

[Johnny B]

Welcome to the Forums….I agree with Sara that it is important to hit this head on. Many of us would not be able to stop without surrendering our finances. Turning over my finances is the only thing that has kept me from “just playing a little”…which we all know becomes a massive blow up. I wish you the best in your recovery…Just remember, the pain goes away eventually, and that is when we think it is okay to play again because we can be in control! Then the blow ups become worse and worse…I am not one to tell somebody what they can and cannot do….all I can say is tread carefully my friend!
Johnny B

[Johnny B]

To answer your questions:

I filed bankruptcy to control the debt…I had a solid income after I had filed, however I kept gambling.  I was not able to tuck anything away because I kept playing.  Ultimately I got married, and kept gambling.  Almost lost my wife of less than two years over my “habit”.  I was fortunate, with the help of marriage counseling, I finally realized maybe I was wrong and needed to step up.  I am currently approximately 5 months gamble free.  Which is a huge amount of time considering I have played and lost for over 30 years.  I don’t have alot of money, but since I haven’t been pissing it away, I am living a “normal” life.  My most recent debt load was wiped out by cashing in an IRA (basically my lifes savings)…but I am debt free/ and gamble free as of this writing (other than house and car payments).  I hesitate to say it, but life is good.  I am very afraid to open pandoras box anymore.  I loved the rush, the wins were great…the losses have probably taken years off of my life.  Gambling was supposed to be fun.  It stopped being fun a long time ago!

I hope you keep in control.  If you are a trader for a living, unfortunately you are in a trick bag and need all of the self control you can muster!… Be smart, stay diligent.

Best wishes

Johnny B

[Johnny B]

I think I can relate to your issue.  My first venture into gambling was greyhound racing.  I lived 2 miles from the track and I was able to go on Thursday afternoon, Friday evening, Saturday afternoon, Saturday evening, and Sunday afternoon.  I didn’t attend all of the performances all of the time, however I went enough to pay attention, and I could recognize styles, and class, and know exactly when I had an advantage.  Parimutual wagering is me against the rest of the public and I truly had the advantage because I saw, and had first hand knowledge of what was happening with previous races.  I made over $30000 profit in my first two years “playing dogs”.  

The gambling laws expanded in my state, and the tracks began allowing simulcasting.  I could now wager on any of 10 given tracks throughout the country at any given time.  Talk about mental overload.  Guess what, my advantage was no more.  Betting on a Florida track (I was in Wisconsin), I was betting blind.  I no longer had my advantage agains the public.  I started depending on luck, and would throw money at the races just to have the action…if I didn’t bet, I might not win.  I completely lost my discipline.  Long story short, I wound up losing over $70000 in my third year, and wound up over $100,000 in debt with loans and credit advances!  Keep in mind I earned approximately $125000 at this time.  I pissed it all away, and then some chasing some unthought out idea!

I hope you find your way again.  It is a difficult prospect even when you “have an advantage”.

Thanks for your time!

Johnny B

[Johnny B]

Thank you for commenting.  I have wondered sometimes that if I won the lottery, would I be one of the sad stories of somebody who pissed it all away!… Surely with a significant amount of money we could make it work!!!! –wrong–  The sad part of that statement is that I actually thought that about myself prior to accepting the fact that I had an issue.  I always would have thoughts wondering if I had a problem, and then I would tuck it away, until the next time that I wondered if I had a problem.  Admitting defeat is as difficult in recognizing yourself, as it is while we are playing machines or tables.  

I don’t like to call the admitting to myself as a CG as a “defeat” because, I know there are a lot of people who continue to struggle, that may never get a grasp on what is going on.  There is obviously people who consider suicide, or other very destructive avenues instead of dealing with this head on.   And I say often, that I am really proud of the progress I have made.  I could probably argue that I have made enough progress that I have a grasp and I can play again….But truly, I know I can’t.  And that makes me sad.  I did enjoy playing when I did, but it caused far more problems than solutions in my life, and frankly, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

I hope this finds all of you well, and I hope my story can help at least one person today!

Johnny B

[Johnny B]

I am sorry that you had to live through the devastation of a CG.  I am very glad to hear that you are feeling rewards from GA.  With my work hours and where I live, there isn’t much access to GA.  Therefore my time on GT works well for me.  I

Best wishes on staying the course!

Johnny B

[Johnny B]

Thanks for your comment.  I agree with you… anytime I had “extra” money, I am very tempted to play.  I still am tempted to this day.  However, when the “extra” money goes to good use, I feel relieved that I didn’t piss it away again.  I recently ran into a stretch of bad luck with my car, and was able to afford the repairs without too much stress.  I can assure you that the old me would have ran out to “win” the money for the repair, only making things worse.  So the good news is that the longer you stay away, the more clearly you can see the light through the clouds…  I hope you find peace knowing you are not alone, and I wish you the best on your recovery.

Johnny B

[Johnny B]

Great job. It does feel great to pay the creditors back. Remember the times where you would have lost that payment instead of doing the “right” thing with it… I swell with pride that I am able to make those payments..on time, and make that pile of pain go away. The sooner a debt can be paid off, the sooner you won’t think you need to gamble to make it go away faster. The only way to accomplish this, is to not add to it . You are doing a great job!

[Johnny B]

It is good that you are here.  The cycle never ends.  The chase is where we all fail.  The only way to guarantee that you won’t lose more is to not play.  It is the most simple of advice, but if we never played, would we all have the money that we have lost?  We never know hat could have happened if we never played…but at this point in my life, it would take a miracle to just be even again….And you know what, if we won it all back, we would piss it away again.  That is the truth, and the truth hurts sometimes.  

Best wishes for you on your recovery.  One day at a time!!

Johnny b

 

[Johnny B]

The truth starts with you. Recognize what you want to do, and act on it. It is easy to lie, until you cannot do it anymore. Trust is earned, if you continue to lie, there will be no trust. Your wife is your life. It is most important not to breach that trust, it will never be the same!
This is coming from a guy who has been there. I have spent 4 months plus doing everything I have promised to do, and I am living under suspicion like I never stopped. But that is okay, because I have caused it, and I thank god every day that she is still by my side.
Best wishes
Johnny B

[Johnny B]

I miss the rush and the potential that today might be “the day”.  Then it sets in that even if I had a good day, I would follow it up with many bad days to offset it, and then be losing again.  I don’t find myself interested in sports anymore as I don’t have any skin in the game.  I only watch baseball whic is my favorite sport.  Te positives I have gained far outweigh the though of the rush of playing again. I have had several “emergency” needs for extra money lately (mostly car repairs) but I have finally found myself in a position where I can pay for those myself without maxing out a card or asking for helf from family.

In my mind, the pride has begun to swell to a point that I do not want to let myself down, not to mention others vested in my success.  I am a good man, I happened to forget that along the way, and hated who I was.  So today I will not gamble.  Until 4 months ago I never tried to truly quit, because I never realized the extent of my problem.  I always thought I could be in control.  I have proven I cannot.  

Good luck.. stay strong!!

Johnny B

[Johnny B]

I enjoy our time on chat. I hope you start kicking again soon!!! Don’t feel down about the gambling, all I can suggest is to just take it a day at a time. We learn every time…even if it just a little bit… and it is worth it. Stay strong.

[Johnny B]

I wanted to comment so you do not feel lost in the shuffle. Success needs to be celebrated!. You are doing an awesome job and should be proud. I am a little over 4 months gamble free myself. Do I miss it? I do. It crosses my mind a lot, but I think of the promises I have made to myself and others, and I don’t want to fee the shame of letting me and others down. So for today, I will not gamble… Hopefully I can manage as long as you have!!
Johnny B

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