[Johnny B]

Until there is more information, I am sorry to say, that blaming the establishment where we lost our money is an incredibly fruitless proposition. There is a stigma to the compulsive gambler because for every “one of us” there are thousands of people who do it responsibly. To blame the establishment would be like the pot calling the kettle black.
Now if you were cheated, than you should be writing the gaming board….but if you have lost enough to question whether or not you are being responsible, than you might be in the right place!

[Johnny B]

Thanks for checking in… I work retail so the long weekend was just that for me.  I am in the furniture business (mattresses to be exact) and it is our busy time…I have been in retail for 28 years now.. and I am 100% certain that it has played a huge role in my gambling life.  For 10 hours a day, I have to be “on” and sell any Tom, Dick, or Harry that comes into my store…. The “play” time for me was when my mind could unwind.  I played blackjack, so the basic strategy came as second nature, and I didn’t have to think too much.  I would work for an entire month, get a great commission check, only to be broke within a week.  Granted I had many bills, and overexpenditures…but the gambling was always the extra burden.

I hope this finds you well, and I thank you for checking in…I am approaching 10 months from last time I was irresponsible.  ( I can’t say I haven’t gambled –lottery and raffles–)..but that is very different in my mind because I haven’t ever gone overboard on either.

Have a great evening, thanks for your time!

Keep the faith!!!

Johnny B

[Johnny B]

Thank you for your kind words.  I want to be sure that I am not coming off judgemental to anybody, nor do I feel above any of the conversation on this site.  I think, especially the newer people, need to know that we are all in this together.  I have brought up many times that I am amazed at how few people actually are on this site considering that there are many more like us out there, whether they want to admit it or not is a different story.  Gambling is evil.  What else can be so “exciting” yet so frustrating at the same time… and can cause so much damage…. I had mixed reaction on a different recovery site,where drink and drugs were the main vice….I couldn’t help but thing in some sick way, I would rather be hooked on one of those because it would seem to me that once you kick the physical side, the psycological side would fall in line….Gambling is everywhere.  In the states, the federal government just “legalized” sports betting, it is now up to the states to decide what they want to do with it… It is bad enough that slot machines are in almost every bar and restaruant, now we will have sports book type places popping up everywhere…. The psycology involved with staying away is an incredible strain, and I cannot blame anybody for “falling off the wagon”.

Especially as money becomes tight, our gambling brain takes over, and because we have had winning sessions, where it seemed to come easily…we always have the itch to scratch.  On of the recurring themes I see is when people go back, the losses become bigger, almost as if they are making up for lost time…. I think the guilt plays a huge part, we shouldn’t be doing it so we go a little “crazy”.  Because we don’t know if or when we will ever do it again…. it is a double edged sword that is best left alone.  I agree, and I appreciate your advice.. I know I will not play today.  I don’t plan on playing anytime soon… I am just sad that so many of us have to feel the burden of letting ourselves down!

Keep the chin up and thanks for you response

[Johnny B]

In the past I have gambled “within my means” while my wife was present.  My problem is I liked to sneak and gamble willy nilly, and she was never aware what we I was losing.  After she and I had sought counseling, it was agreed that it was best if I stayed away from it all together.  I have concurred, and as of this writing I have been “clean”.  I won’t lie, I am a little scared to play again, because I don’t want to “blow up” again…. but a small part of me is bitter that it has to be this way.  I am sorry that you went back, but I applaud you for the time you stayed away, because you have proven (especially to yourself) that you can do it.  A slip in temptation will happen, and I am certain that the majority of CG relapse at some point.  

I remember the days where I have hated myself for what I have done, but I don’t think it is fair for me or anybody to judge others if they have a slip.  What I want to do is take the positive out of it, that we all recognize what is wrong, and are trying….if it fails, the guess what…we try again!  It is never to late to stop, and someday, hopefully we stop for good!

Thanks for the kind words, I appreciate the time you have afforded me on this site!

[Johnny B]

As you story shows, we will never get it back. As much as we hope, and play… we can never get it back. If somebody would write me a check for half of what I have lost over the years, I would be a rich man!!! I would probably then head to the Casino and lose it all back again!…. But hopefully not, we are here to help eachother stay away…. You are not alone! keep the faith, and stay away, one day at a time!

[Johnny B]

I am sorry to here you went back.  I try to look at the positives.. You know what you have done wrong, and you are trying to make it right.  It was a momentary lapse of reason, and not a lifetime sentence.  Get yourself back to the right frame of mind, and know that you learned a valuable lesson.  For me, it is important not to beat myself up too much, because the more I despise what I have done, the more that I begin to not care, which leads me astray.  The fact you are back online shows you care, and you want to do the right things for yourself.

Best wishes, and I hope my words help a little!

Johnny B

[Johnny B]

Accept that you cannot change the past, but you can control the future. Make smart, strong decisions from here out. Do not beat yourself up too much, because you didn’t kill anybody….you had a moment of weakness, of which you reminded yourself why we shouldn’t be doing these things. It helps to not “hate” yourself, because, for me, when I have those feelings, I start to “not care” anymore, and spiral into the hole that has brought us all here in the first place!
I know it is easier said than done, but the fact you are here shows that you care…and that is very important!

[Johnny B]

New casinos used to be met with excitement for me….now it is just sadness that I can’t attend. Sadness might be overly dramatic. We don’t belong, and they are set up on patrons failure, so we should be happy we don’t go. Smart move on the ban with your gambling counselor. Sit back and enjoy the rest of the historic summer your baseball team is providing!!! Hopefully my team meets yours in the World Series! Johnny B

[Johnny B]

I agree that abstinence is never enough.  How many times have we “stayed away” for several months, only to come crashing back to our old habits.  I do find it important to share, and talk about the experiences… I also feel very comfortable among friends on GT that we can talk openly and honestly about our situations.  I have days where I am angry with myself that I put myself in this position, but I am very happy that I found others who share what I have been through, because in my personal world , nobody understood what I was going through, and how hard it was to control!…. but we are past that now, and I am flying straight and strong!!

Thanks for your time

[Johnny B]

Thanks for taking the time to respond to my post.  You and I are in similar points in our recovery.  Every day the thoughts of gambling become less and less.  I do still play the lottery, very sparingly since I always felt it was likely a waste of money.  but I haven’t done the races or the casino, or the slots in over 7 months.  There are days that I am dissapointed in myself for “doing it wrong” and losing control.  I still debate that level of addiction that I had, however, there is no debating the amount of debt, stress, and dissapointment my gambling had caused.  Life is much better without it, than it is with it.  I don’t truly “miss” it, but there are still fleeting thoughts of the excitement I used to have, but then I remember the depression that followed.  Im too old to ride that roller coaster anymore.  You are a stallwart on this site, and I thank you for your input.  GT is much better with you sharing your experiences!

[Johnny B]

Thanks for your kind words.  In the states there is legislation to relax the rules to get off of the self exclusion lists in many of the states.  In Illinois, where I am from, they say it is a 5 year ban….However, to get off the list, you need a qualified gambling counselor to agree that you no longer have compulsive issues (obviously, NO counselor will sign off on that )…in effect it becomes a lifetime ban.  However, there is discussion on relaxing those rules.  Ironically, in the last 5 years they have opened up slot play in bars, restaurants, and slot parlors….which have no exclusion list… It is good old fashioned will power which keep us out of those places…. I actually am a skeptic.  I think the Casino industry is crying foul, that the slot parlors have access to the gambling addict, who has signed up for the self exclusion, therefore reaping the $$$$ that they uncontrollably lose with not repricusions (if you are on the self exclusion list you will be charged with trespassing if you enter a casino).  The claim is that “more” people will used the self exclusion if the ramifications werent so severe….The reallity is the self exclusion is a tool, just like someone else being in control of the finances.  The true power to be in control lies within ourselves.  I am glad you are beyond the dark days of gambling, and I too am getting closer.  If nothing else, I weigh my optoins far more than I have in the past, and the negative consequenses has always outweighed the positive potential, therefore I have stayed the course!

Thanks for you time and your kind words.

[Johnny B]

Thank you for your response Laura.  I find it amazing that we ever felt gambling was worth it.  Especially since it became more than a controled distraction.  Keep the faith, keep up the good work!

[Johnny B]

Things are good.  I am still “on the wagon”, and things are slowly but surely moving in the right direction.  I never used to pay attention, or realize is a better word, just how much I lost.  I make significantly less than I did when I was gambling, ironically, I have more now than I did then… Sure, there are times where money gets tight…but in the past I used to make it worse.  I do get frustrated sometimes, and wish I could get ahead faster, but once again, I think this was a halmark of my warped mind.  The reality is I can only make it worse.  And I accept that… So even though it gets tight now and again, I work it out the right way…I cut corners where I can, and wait to make it less stressful on myself.

I have been very lucky not to relapse since I truly started trying to do things right.  I had been gambling while in therapy last year, lying to myself, my wife, and my counselor… So early November 2017 was my last bets… Over 7 months.  Do I miss it, I do, I think I used to get some true pleasure out of playing, and it was part of my life for over 30 years.  But times have changed… Thought processes have re aligned.  And I do feel like a new man…

I hope all is well with you.  Good luck with the surgery recovery!

[Johnny B]

I agree.  I think there are very few who stick with the program.  I find gambling therapy to be a very helpful tool to keep me on the straight and narrow.  I see myself in a lot of posts… And I see some which make me feel better about myself in a perverted way (I wish no ill will on anybody).  As long a people are sharing, there is help to be had.  You cannot beat a gambling addiction by keeping it to yourself.  I have never felt more free, as to talk openly about my sitiuation.  Like Charles has said, I don’t have to get into too much detail, just tell people I don’t gamble anymore, because I enjoyed it too much!  I appreciate you and the others who are on here lending support…it means more than you can possibley realize.

I have done the chats with the moderators, and they are helpful.  Sometimes I feel I am a little boring because of the status quo, but I think that is where the success is.  Make the status quo the norm, stay away from the relapse.  Unfortunately, I agree that many people relapse, and maybe are ashamed.  I am sure I would be.  Letting myself down was one of the worst feelings about my gambling issue.  If you can’t trust yourself, who can you trust.  But we have to carry on, and do the right things!!

Thanks again for your response!

[Johnny B]

I appreciate the kind words.  I can’t help but think sometimes I am fighting an uphill fight… Even when you do things the right way, it still feels wrong at times.  Money can still get tight, and for my wife, it flips a switch back to the bad times… I own the fact that I have to be overly transparent because of what I have done in the past, but I can’t help but feel a little self loathing…. As an adult, it sucks to have to explain everything that you do, even if there is no nafarious intent.  I get moods every now and then, and in the past definitely would have gambled to “feel” better…only to make it worse…. I just want to get back to normal again, which unfortunately I realize won’t ever happen.

Im good, please don’t read into it any more than just a slight venting….All is good, and there are more good days than bad, but the damage is slow to repair itself!

Best of luck, stay strong

Johnny B

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