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Hi sunflower,
I think settings ultimatums only work if you are ready to follow it through, otherwise don’t do them.
There is not right or wrong way to go about it. For me I think he should hand over ALL his finances to you ( or someone else) and only get very small amount of cash for his expenses. Furthermore he should self excluded forever on all his accounts. Now these methods maybe you have already tried. If so there must be something that happened that he could still gamble.
Either way do not sacrafice your own wellbeing. Sometimes seperation is for the best, but you are the only one that can make that decision
Kind regards.
If you need direct support you can always talk to the 24/7 helplines here
Hi sunflower,
This is a thoug place to be. He will only change if he is willing to change. You can not and must not try to change someone’s behaviour. He will not admit that he stomach pain is from the poker playing, but that is because he is an active addict. I’am also a compulsive gambler myself.
So all the actions has to come from his side and his side only. Of course you can support him but ultimately he is accountable for his own actions.
My best advice would be to safeguard your financial position and go in a damage control mode.
The “allowed” gambling has to stop. As someone once said here ” gambling is like a mistress, staying close friends does not work” but he is the only one who can stop and that can only happens if he admits to himself that a little gambling isn’t right.
Sorry typo from my end.
Can you open an other bank account? Or get your salary transferred somewhere else? Like a close familymember or something . So in that way they can’t freeze everything? Just thinking outside the box, but if you can get your salary someplace else in theory you could pay off your debt and still have some living money?
Hi Sunflower,
Just popped over from my journal section.
Wanted to check how things are going with you.
You should not feel like you are taken for granted, but that is just the nature of the beast (addiction)
I hope to hear from you soon.
Stay strong and positive !
HI Evan,
How are you doing? Hope things are getting sorted
I just so turned out the freezing bank accounts are a standard in Croatia, and they have the right to do that. Personally I think that is ridiculous.
If the freeze all your assets how long would it take you to pay everything back to your creditors, how much interest do you pay on these loans?
Are these creditors like loan sharks? I see that Croatia is not that developed regarding debt relief.
Did you also check what is locally available?
I personally have no experience with debt relief, but I know there are some options available here. Maybe it is the same in Croatia
Keep strong
How is it that we know that its wrong and bad and yet still want to keep doing it?
Addiction is what it is called.
I found this an intresting ted talk. Very informative how dopamine works, and you will see soon enough how this relates to gambling : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqXmOb_fuN4
Great for seeking support here. Admitting you have a problem to yourself is a great first step. Now my next advice would be to tell your family members.
“You are only as sick as your secrets” springs to mind.
There are three things that keeps you into gambling.
1. Money
2. Access
3. TimeTake away one of these and gambling becomes difficult. Take away two and becomes even harder. Take away all three and it is impossible.
Regarding what would life be if I had not gambled. Well that’s an easy one. You don’t know, and you will never find out. It is out of your control now. The future is the only thing you will be able to change.
Why forget the pain and stupidity? These are valuable lesson in life and we should learn from them. This doesn’t mean you should suffer indefinitely from your actions.
But John Wick springs to mind : “Every action has consequences” and we should face them, not run from them.Keep strong and keep posting
Sucks to hear that the will repossess your car. I understand that you put yourself in a bad financial position. Luckily for you, there are a lot of options for these kinds of financial situations these days.
But these options would not land on your doormat, you have to actively seek them. So I suggest you seek them.
I have a feeling you are dwelling on the past but keep in mind, we can only change our future.
Stay strong and keep posting.
Hello James ,
Great job reaching out for help.
I have been a gambler for 5 years and I always thought I was in control or had a strong desire to be in control. My recovery could actually only start when I had admitted the I was defeaten by my addiction. Just to be blunt, we cannot gamble and control ourself, because if we could we would stopped and have not accumulated a debt.
There are three steps here on this site that help you to stop gambling.
1. Money
Restrict access to money and give someone your finances temporarily.
2.Time
Think about how you want to spend your time with non gambling activities.
3. Access
Make it hard for yourself to visit casino’s site, by installing software that will block casino websites, ask for self exclusion on casinos ect.Keep strong and keep posting.
Kind regards
Hello Kenny,
Indeed great job for reaching out so quickly. I started at the same age as you and it took me 5 years to admit to myself that I had a problem and at that stage it was burned into my daily routine and debts to match
Read some journals here on the forum from other people and see what they did to overcame this addiction.
My best advice would be to not confront it at your own but look for people around you that can help you.
Maybe see you around an the new members group tonight.
Stay strong
Hello Joules,
This was an intresting read. While the only advice I can give you is quit while you are ahead. I see you won alot of money and with that payed of your debt, which is perfect. But dont think of gambling as a way of making money. The house edge is always against you ( even if you had a huge streak) and It only takes one binge to lose it all. Furtermore I saw that your wrote: “I have been a compulsive gambler for many years now on and off”
People are CG for life, not on and off.
I’am fine now as long as I dont place a bet, but this will be a problem for the rest of my life, because one bet is all it takes to go back at self-destruction.Anyhow, if you feel you can control yourself and just not gamble that is fine, otherwise: Money, Time and Accces are the thing you should think about. For the thing I have done you can check out my journal.
Anyhow, keep posting this site and the people here can really help you .
Kind regards.