[joerdj]

Wish you all the best !

[joerdj]

Well the whole point of JP was to not compare yourself to any one else except yourself. So not that you were once better then your friends or were you could have been if you didn’t gamble. Those answers are impossible to give. So it doesn’t matter what you did in the past. The only question is : Are you in a better place/ person then you were yesterday? ( And yesterday only).

Also, waiting for your demon to knock on you door is not a great long term strategy. Better put everything in place so the demon does not get a chance to knock.

[joerdj]

First Question:
Does it get any better?

Yes! You have seen it yourself in the two months you were gamble-free.

Also, I don’t like the thoughts of my family having to control my bank account for me, cos I wonder how long that would go on for? So I imagine when I’m 32 and I want to get something nice, so I’d have to call my brother or whoever handles my account to give me some of my money so I can get some clothes or get a new car, or fix up something in my apartment???? sick!

Well as long as you have money available at your disposal you are fighting an uphill battle. When you have no money you can work on yourself ( because there is no money to gamble) but when you have the money you need to make the decision every time not to gamble and work on yourself at the same time.

Regarding a family loan, it might be a good idea but also a horrible idea at the same time. It can help you to relax, but also your mind can play a trick on you, think you got a free-pass, make more debt and need a family loan again. So with that, I would come clean to your friends and pay back what you can miss, instead of taking a loan from your parents.

[joerdj]

It’s not an argument it’s my personal preference. I just told you a story that helped me. In no way I’m trying to have an argument about the meaning of life.
You told your idea about life (or a shared one), I told mine (or a shared one).

I must say I was an atheist and a nihilist at first. All that gave me was suffering and despair.

I wish you all the best on your Journey.

“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don’t want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment.”

To quote a line from a song of Avenged Sevenfold: “Life wouldn’t be so precious dear if there never was an end”

[joerdj]

You wondered why life is meaningless. What is the meaning of popping up into existence just for the one to live “suffer” for few years and then vanish forever!!! it is meaningless.
I am an atheist so no heaven or hell no after life, sometimes I think of how wonderful this life is, yes I can try to find some meaning that can keep things rolling to the end, but deep down it is meaningless.

Well, let say life is inherently suffering and meaningless. Ask yourself then: Why would I make the suffering worse by my own actions?

I also don’t believe in God or an afterlife for that matter. What I do believe is that is better to act as if a god exists.
That puts me in the spot right in the middle where I have 1 leg in the Order (that which I know) and Chaos (that what I don’t know)

Personally, I don’t think life is meaningless. Everything you do or don’t do will affect the people around you. You are a node in a network of people. You know 100 people over the course of your life, they know 100 people. That’s 1 person away from a million. That instantly makes all your actions matter

IMO meaning is to be found in the continual improvement of the individual. You have the potential to be so much more than what you are now.

The search for where your potential end will last you a lifetime.

[joerdj]

“I have no hopes this time, it is a hard and meaningless life without this addiction and the addiction makes it worst.”

Why is life meaningless? Maybe you look at it the wrong way. From 12 rules for life: “Perhaps happiness is always to be found in the journey uphill, and not in the fleeting sense of satisfaction awaiting at the next peak”

Find out what journey uphill will give you a sense of meaning. Maybe the continual improvement of the individual? When you find your purpose suddenly life isn’t meaningless anymore.

One rule from twelve rules for life really improved my life within seconds of using it: Rule 8: Tell The Truth – Or At Least Don’t Lie

“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” Friedrich Nietzsche.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by joerdj.

[joerdj]

Hi Darkenergy,

That is correct. The Gambler is not really interesting I must confess. It was a fun read but it doesn’t go that deep. You can read it ( its only 120 something pages). The ending of that book sums it up pretty nicely. It ends with “tomorrow everything will be different” ( without saying if he’s quitting or going to gamble)

Dostoyevsky was indeed a gambling addict ( or problem gambler). But I would suggest you read Crime and Punishment 🙂

[joerdj]

Reading Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky ( really really enjoy it, great recommendation)

This sentence in the book really struck me:

“Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing.”

Think this line can speak to all of us.

[joerdj]

Hallo Newsshoulder, Een oefening die me veel heeft geholpen was de volgende: Neem 15 minuten om te schrijven hoe je toekomst er over 3-5 jaar uit zou zien als je zou stoppen met alle domme dingen waarvan je weet dat je ze niet zou moeten doen. Hoe zou het eruit zien? Een eerlijk persoon met een liefhebbende familie die weet dat zijn geweten zuiver is? Wat voor werk doe je? Wat voor vrienden heb je nodig/heb je? Alleen de mogelijke toekomst die binnen handbereik ligt. Neem nu 15 minuten de tijd om op te schrijven in wat voor hel je zou belanden als je niet zou slagen, en blijf de domme dingen doen waarvan je weet dat je ze niet zou moeten doen. Heb je nog vrienden over? Is mijn familie nog bij mij? Heb ik nog een baan? Een thuis? Een auto? Deze oefening kan op korte termijn pijn doen, maar op de lange termijn geeft het je een doel om naar toe te rennen en een monster om voor weg te rennen. Denk niet: "Ik weet het in godsnaam al, ik heb het meegemaakt" Schrijf het gewoon op. Weten in je geest en het opschrijven zijn heel erg verschillende dingen. Oh en vertel je vrouw over je terugval. Korte termijn Het zal niet leuk zijn, maar je geweten zal je op de lange termijn dankbaar zijn.

[joerdj]

Здравейте Newshoulder, Упражнение, което много ми помогна, беше следното: Отделете 15 минути, за да напишете как би изглеждало бъдещето ви след 3-5 години, ако спрете да правите всички глупости, които знаете, че не трябва да правите. Как би изглеждало? Честен ли е човек с любящо семейство, който знае съвестта си? Каква работа вършите? Какви приятели имате нужда/ имате? Само възможното бъдеще, което е във вашите ръце. Сега отделете 15 минути, за да напишете в какъв ад бихте се озовали, ако не успеете, и продължете да правите глупостите, които знаете, че не трябва да правите. Останали ли са ти приятели? Семейството ми още ли е с мен? Имам ли още работа? Дом? Кола? Това упражнение може да навреди в краткосрочен план, но в дългосрочен план ще ви даде цел да бягате и чудовище, от което да избягате. Не си мислете: „Вече знам по дяволите, преминах през това“ Просто го запишете. Да знаеш в ума си и да го записваш са много различни неща. О, и кажи на жена си за рецидива си. Краткосрочно Няма да е забавно, но съвестта ви ще ви благодари в дългосрочен план.

[joerdj]

Bună Newshoulder, Un exercițiu care m-a ajutat foarte mult a fost următorul: Ia 15 minute să scrii cum ar arăta viitorul tău în 3-5 ani dacă ai înceta să faci toate prostiile pe care știi că nu ar trebui să le faci. Cum ar arăta? O persoană cinstită, cu o familie iubitoare, care știe că conștiința lui este limpede? Ce fel de meserie faci? Ce fel de prieteni ai nevoie / ai? Doar viitorul posibil care vă stă la îndemână. Acum, ia 15 minute să scrii despre ce fel de iad ai ajunge dacă nu reușești și continuă să faci prostii pe care știi că nu ar trebui să le faci. Mai ai prieteni? Familia mea este încă cu mine? Mai am o slujbă? O casa? O mașină? Acest exercițiu s-ar putea răni pe termen scurt, dar pe termen lung vă va oferi un obiectiv spre care să fugiți și un monstru de care să fugiți. Nu vă gândiți: „Știu deja naiba, am trecut prin el” Doar scrieți-l. Să știi în mintea ta și să o notezi sunt lucruri foarte diferite. O și spune-i soției tale despre recăderea ta. Pe termen scurt Nu va fi distractiv, dar conștiința vă va mulțumi pe termen lung.

[joerdj]

Ahoj Newshouldere, cvičení, které mi hodně pomohlo, bylo následující: Najděte si 15 minut na to, jak by vypadala vaše budoucnost za 3–5 let, kdybyste přestali dělat všechny hlouposti, o kterých víte, že byste je dělat neměli. Jak by to vypadalo? Čestný člověk s milující rodinou, který zná své svědomí, má jasno? Jakou práci děláš? Jaké přátele potřebujete/ máte? Jen možná budoucnost, kterou máte na dosah. Nyní si 15 minut napište, do jakého pekla byste se dostali, pokud byste neuspěli, a pokračujte v hloupých věcech, o kterých víte, že byste je dělat neměli. Zbývají ti ještě kamarádi? Je moje rodina stále se mnou? Mám ještě práci? Domov? Auto? Toto cvičení může v krátkodobém horizontu bolet, ale v dlouhodobém horizontu vám dá cíl, ke kterému budete utíkat, a monstrum, od kterého utečete. Nemyslete si: „Už to sakra vím, prošel jsem si to“ Prostě to napište. Vědět ve své mysli a zapisovat si to jsou velmi odlišné věci. A řekni své ženě o svém relapsu. Krátkodobě Nebude to zábava, ale vaše svědomí vám v dlouhodobém horizontu poděkuje.

[joerdj]

Hi Newshoulder,

An exercise that helped me a lot was the following:

Take 15 minutes to write how your future would look like in 3-5 years if you stopped doing all the stupid things you know you shouldn’t be doing. What would it look like? An honest person with a loving family who knows his conscience is clear? What kind of job are you doing? What kind of friends do you need/ have? Just the possible future that is within your grasp.

Now take 15 minutes to write about what kind of hell you would end up in if you don’t succeed, and keep doing the stupid things you know you shouldn’t be doing. Do you have any friends left? Is my family still with me? Do I still have a job? A home? A car?

This exercise might hurt in the short term but in the long term will give you a goal to run towards and a monster to run away from.

Don’t think: “I already know the hell, I went through it”

Just write it down. Knowing in your mind and writing it down are very very different things.

Oh and tell your wife about your relapse.

Short term It won’t be fun, but your conscience will thank you in the long term.

[joerdj]

P311
“King Arthur’s knights sit at a round table, because they are all equal. They set off to look for the holy grail – which is a symbol of salvation, container of the “nourishing” blood of Christ, keeper of redemption. Each knight leaves on his quest, individually. Each knight enters the forest, to begin his search, at the point that looks darkest to him.

“In sterquiliniis invenitur” – in filth it will be found. What you need most is always to be found where you least wish to look. This is really a matter of definition. The more profound the error, the more difficult the revolution – the more fear and uncertaintly released as a consequence of restructuring. The things that are most informative are also frequently most painful. Under such circumstances, it is easy to run away. The act of running away, however, transforms the ambivalent unknown into that which is too terrifying to face. Acceptance of anomalous information brings terror and possibility, revolution and transformation. Rejection of unbearable fact stifles adaptation, and strangles life. We choose one path or another at every decision point in our lives, and emerge as the sum total of our choices. In rejecting our errors, we gain short-term security – but throw away our identity with the process that allows us to transcend our weaknesses, and tolerate our painfully limited lives”

[joerdj]

“When you have something to say, silence is a lie.”

[Author]

Posts